did any drug make life a bit more bearable for you?

[2709mg]

i don't think i'm alone in trying to seek relief by indulging in a variety of unhealthy/questionable habits. it becomes a lot easier to justify when you grow increasingly desperate and have nothing to lose. ofc nothing will permanently fix this depression, but i enjoyed the occasional short-term relief some drugs provided.

1. Alcohol: i spent a few months binge-drinking 2 years ago when i was at my worst. drinking gave me brief moments of happiness (and sometimes still does), but in the long run i just got fat, lazy, and more miserable. hangover anxiety is also unbearable. 6/10
2. Xanax: almost impossible to acquire where i live, but my short experience with xanax was wonderful, likely only because i didn't have enough of a supply to form an addiction. it allowed me to just exist without wanting to blow my brains out. 9/10
3. Valium: significantly easier to find in my country but quite underwhelming, especially after trying xanax. 5/10
4. Weed: very enjoyable at first, however it eventually eroded my self control and i reached a point where i was high every single day, for months, neglecting every responsibility. now it just makes me extremely paranoid. 4/10
5. Opioids (Codeine): i found opioids pretty underwhelming, i guess i initially felt a little lighter and 'floaty' but this was immediately overshadowed by itchiness which lasted for hours. 4/10
6. Stimulants (Vyvanse, Dex, Ritalin): before i started regularly taking prescribed stimulants, vyvanse made me the happiest i had ever felt. i was always in a good mood, productive, and sociable, and these wonderful effects lasted for a year. i would experience a horrific comedown at the end of every day, but i didn't care much because i knew i would feel good again tomorrow. nowadays i don't feel much at all after taking my meds. 10/10
7. SSRIs/SNRIs (Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor): provided brief moments of stability, however these are difficult to enjoy when you're becoming fatter and sweatier with each passing day. gives some really weird dreams too. 3/10

adding a couple more i forgot to mention :p

• Nicotine: can be fun, but for such a short fleeting 'high', the health consequences aren't worth it for me. probably my favourite thing to do while drunk tho. 5/10
• Psychedelics (LSD): even though i've had a couple bad trips which sent me spiralling even further, i can't deny how beneficial acid has been in allowing me to reflect on my life and gain new perspectives. plus when it's good, it's really good ! i love listening to music on acid. (8/10)
• MDMA: a uniquely beautiful experience every time. it's difficult to describe because nothing else has ever made me feel like this. just pure bliss. unfortunately cannot be taken regularly or while using SSRIs. (9/10)

i'm curious if you were able to find something that helped you, even temporarily?

 

[alexit]

Yes, magic mushrooms. Nothing will help you transcend a shitty existence like magic mushrooms. Just do them in a space, calm space

 

[homunculi]

shrooms made me feel like i was completely healed from all problems for about two weeks. it was awesome.

i also really enjoy weed, sometimes i feel like i'm better at emotional regulation when i'm high because i can go "it's just the weed making me like this" and then calm down. it's a mixed bag on whether weed will make me want to clean and do a bunch of stuff or sit in the apartment and do nothing until i come down.

 

[leowantstobedead]

Does anyone know how to aquire Xanax?

 

[limenlux]

I have almost no experience with recreational drug or substance use, but I've been on and off of nearly 20 medications related to both depression and neurological issues, and gained the most benefit from taking propanolol and gabapentin. Naturally, the doctors have separated me from both in favor of more expensive and experimental alternatives. I am a lab rat.

 

[starboy2k]

-I love to smoke weed. Weed made me less annoyed with people.
-Alcohol….eh. I don't like the taste but I want the buzz of it. I remember I drank so much one night, I shit blood lol.
-Poppers is cool too….just wish the head high you get from it lasts longer, and no jaundice in the eyes.

I do want to try shrooms before I die, but I don't think I will be able to.

 

[HFK40000]

Drugs absolutely made life more bearable. They are a fast and effective way to go numb or avoid negative and immediate thoughts. I found alcohol to be the most blanket solution. I am five years sober from alcohol and I miss it all the time. I find that stimulants make me enjoy the current moment, they make me more social and keeps me thinking about what's in front of me instead of my typical ruminations. Psychedelics are great for enjoying the current moment and detatching from my thoughts. My favorite drugs are Molly, Coke and, acid.

 

[Endstati0n]

Shrooms are nice, but i abused them pretty hard. Music sounds better, makes you relaxed and stuff, can also go bad fast tho. Never had a bad trip, but after quitting them i got panic attacks for a fucking year.

I'm trying out kratom a bit now. It makes you feel kinda fucked up in a good and bad way. It's okay.

I've ordered some Ketamine to try out a bit too.

I'm also wondering what other drugs i can take to enjoy life a bit more sometimes before i ctb.

 

[BarryBee123]

I really like alcohol but I put on a lot of weight while I was drinking very heavily. It also felt like it rotted my stomach at some point because I always had reflux

I also really like nicotine but it doesn't last very long so it barely counts

 

[2709mg]

I really like alcohol but I put on a lot of weight while I was drinking very heavily. It also felt like it rotted my stomach at some point because I always had reflux

I also really like nicotine but it doesn't last very long so it barely counts

i don't know how i forgot nicotine! you're right the effects really don't last long, especially considering how addictive it is, but i'll still find myself returning to vapes sometimes just because i like how they make me feel for 30 seconds lol

 

[MephiticShadow]

I've tried pretty much everything. Its been my experience that they all make you feel better initially. But then much much worse later

 

[2709mg]

Drugs absolutely made life more bearable. They are a fast and effective way to go numb or avoid negative and immediate thoughts. I found alcohol to be the most blanket solution. I am five years sober from alcohol and I miss it all the time. I find that stimulants make me enjoy the current moment, they make me more social and keeps me thinking about what's in front of me instead of my typical ruminations. Psychedelics are great for enjoying the current moment and detatching from my thoughts. My favorite drugs are Molly, Coke and, acid.

5 years is a huge accomplishment, congrats! :-)

i really enjoyed MDMA as well when i could still take it, i miss that lovely euphoric feeling which makes every thought and movement feel good. never experienced a comedown either luckily

 

[MephiticShadow]

But i still do alcohol and opiates. I find witch hazel wipes help with the itch

 

[nayomi]

solving your problems with using psycadelics resposibly

 

[MephiticShadow]

I really miss the rush of amphetamines. There is no other feeling like that in all the world. I reckon that's what the knowledge of the apple in the garden of Eden was really about
But I can't handle them anymore
Oooohhh and I'll take sleeping pills and valium anytime I can get my hands on them. Which sadly isn't very often
Weed just made me paranoid. Funnily I was fine on coke
Honestly I think I'll always go back to being an addict in the end. Nothing else fills the emptiness in the same way. Sometimes I wonder, if I dont manage to ctb one day, will I be some 80 year old granny still scoring drugs or is there an age where you do eventually just get over it? I'm so careful not to get physically addicted to opiates. I only do it once a month for 4 days maximum. So it probably wont ever kill me. I don't build the tolerance required to overdo it. Am I gonna be the world's oldest junkie one day
Aaahhh so sad and pathetic. Sorry for ranting
Thank you for talking about this. People don't really seem to talk about drugs on here much
I'm too neurotic to make my own posts so I guess I just hijack other people's?!? Sorry
When I was a teenager we used to skip school and go pick magic mushrooms in the paddock next door. I grew up in the country

 

[HFK40000]

5 years is a huge accomplishment, congrats! :-)

i really enjoyed MDMA as well when i could still take it, i miss that lovely euphoric feeling which makes every thought and movement feel good. never experienced a comedown either luckily

Thank you. It's been a struggle and I miss it but alcohol is behind me now.

I still do MDMA from time to time. That's a substance I really try to do in the right environment. I never really noticed that big of a come down seeing as how it's biggest side effect is sudden and extreme depression with suicidal thoughts. That's just my baseline so I never really noticed.

 

[bananamatcha]

Mood stabilizers helped me for a few years. I seem to have built a tolerance to them now, though.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

Nothing worked for me, unfortunately. Even diazepam at a high dose is ineffective.

 

[2709mg]

I really miss the rush of amphetamines. There is no other feeling like that in all the world. I reckon that's what the knowledge of the apple in the garden of Eden was really about
But I can't handle them anymore
Oooohhh and I'll take sleeping pills and valium anytime I can get my hands on them. Which sadly isn't very often
Weed just made me paranoid. Funnily I was fine on coke
Honestly I think I'll always go back to being an addict in the end. Nothing else fills the emptiness in the same way. Sometimes I wonder, if I dont manage to ctb one day, will I be some 80 year old granny still scoring drugs or is there an age where you do eventually just get over it? I'm so careful not to get physically addicted to opiates. I only do it once a month for 4 days maximum. So it probably wont ever kill me. I don't build the tolerance required to overdo it. Am I gonna be the world's oldest junkie one day
Aaahhh so sad and pathetic. Sorry for ranting
Thank you for talking about this. People don't really seem to talk about drugs on here much
I'm too neurotic to make my own posts so I guess I just hijack other people's?!? Sorry
When I was a teenager we used to skip school and go pick magic mushrooms in the paddock next door. I grew up in the country

don't be sorry! i appreciate the replies, it's funny how much i can relate to your experience. i wonder the same thing sometimes, because i'm honestly just stalling by using drugs until i commit to going through with my plan and who knows how long that will be. if it doesn't happen, i think i'll also still be searching for plugs as a senior citizen haha

 

[MephiticShadow]

don't be sorry! i appreciate the replies, it's funny how much i can relate to your experience. i wonder the same thing sometimes, because i'm honestly just stalling by using drugs until i commit to going through with my plan and who knows how long that will be. if it doesn't happen, i think i'll also still be searching for plugs as a senior citizen haha

Thank you ! I get so paranoid sometimes I worry I don't even fit in here. Just like anywhere else. But I really need this community its the only place that feels like I can relate

 

[dirkw83]

I love Lorazepam (ativan) I wish it wasn't dangerous otherwise I would take it all the time