Desperate and miserable but too traumatized to off myself after failed attempts

[suicidalcatlady]

Fuck bro. I know I've posted stuff like this on here before but the true suffering that comes from this is wildly more horrible than I thought it'd be. Most attempts fail and I've had 5 severe failed ones. I want off this earth so badly and am absolutely miserable but am too scared to even plan an attempt anymore. All they've done is make me more traumatized and had my autonomy taken away. I've been locked up in an ICU unable to roll over shitting myself in a diaper and having to pee in a bed pan, I've been showered by CNA's and had them pull down my pants and underwear because I couldn't myself, I've had to relearn how to walk for a year and almost needed nerve surgery. And can't forget how American psych wards are horrible and take away your phone which is so scary because it's your connection to the outside world. This isn't even including trying to end my life from my eating disorder which has ruined my life Just fuck my life I really hope something just takes me out. Because living like this isn't a life. I've lost most of my friends from how mentally ill am. I wish someone would take mercy on me and just end it.

 

[joey2424]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. That kind of treatment is totally inhumane, what a horrible experience to have to go through.

 

[meatballlover]

Im so sorry for you that sounds terrible. Geniunely scary how much "safety" is prioritized over anatomy it makes me wanna puke. I hope you dont mind me asking, what was the cause of hospitalization? (Attempt ik but i mean more specifically) But no need to answer if you dont want to. Wish you the best.