Venting Deep Sense of Regret Over CTB Cancellations

[d3ad]

I keep saying that I am going to CTB, but then something gets in the way (SI or an obstacle). I don't know what to do at this point. I am emotionally exhausted. I can no longer handle all of this. I already have too much on my plate. I am suffocating, this is too much. Every time I cancel CTB, I feel like crap and get a deep sense of regret. It is self-betrayal, because I am allowing myself to continue to live in pain. When will it end????
It's also not fair to the people who wish they had access to SN. I have it, and here I am wasting time and causing myself even more pain.

 

[Knoc]

it isn't unfair for the people who don't have SN because that's not your fault . Did you steal it from them? Did you lobby the government to ban it?

Don't be so harsh on yourself; CTB is not the easy way out like normies like to say, quite the contrary, it's normal that you hesitate.

 

[d3ad]

Isn't it unfair for the people who don't have SN because that's not your fault . Did you steal it from them? Did you lobby the government to ban it?

Don't be so harsh on yourself; CTB is not the easy way out like normies like to say, quite the contrary, it's normal that you hesitate.

Thanks a lot. You are very kind. <3

 

[Big_Eal]

same , for some reason i dont complete my SN protocol

 

[d3ad]

I keep saying that I am going to CTB, but then something gets in the way (SI or an obstacle). I don't know what to do at this point. I am emotionally exhausted. I can no longer handle all of this. I already have too much on my plate. I am suffocating, this is too much. Every time I cancel CTB, I feel like crap and get a deep sense of regret. It is self-betrayal, because I am allowing myself to continue to live in pain. When will it end????
It's also not fair to the people who wish they had access to SN. I have it, and here I am wasting time and causing myself even more pain.

There is a very high chance that I will do it. I am just waiting for one person to go to sleep.

same , for some reason i dont complete my SN protocol

I am sorry to hear that. Is there a particular reason why you don't complete it?

 

[swankysoup]

Some people have even better methods of dying, don't bother comparing yourself like that, it's useless. But i can relate i also do it

 

[d3ad]

same , for some reason i dont complete my SN protocol

I am sorry to hear that. Is there a particular reason why you don't complete it?

Some people have even better methods of dying, don't bother comparing yourself like that, it's useless. But i can relate i also do it

Thank you, and I am sorry that you also go through that.

 

[Mooncry]

I feel the exact same way. SI has kicked my ass at every turn. I've already poured two cups of SN down the drain because I couldn't go through with it at the final moment, and now I only have enough for one, maybe two servings left. Next time I attempt, I have to be absolutely certain that I can go through with it. I cannot afford to be reckless.

 

[Big_Eal]

I am sorry to hear that. Is there a particular reason why you don't complete it?

Thank you, and I am sorry that you also go through that.

i dont care about myself , i just feel bad for my parents

 

[Linda]

I keep saying that I am going to CTB, but then something gets in the way (SI or an obstacle). I don't know what to do at this point. I am emotionally exhausted. I can no longer handle all of this. I already have too much on my plate. I am suffocating, this is too much. Every time I cancel CTB, I feel like crap and get a deep sense of regret. It is self-betrayal, because I am allowing myself to continue to live in pain. When will it end????
It's also not fair to the people who wish they had access to SN. I have it, and here I am wasting time and causing myself even more pain.

I don't know when it will end either.
Forget the people who wish they had access to SN. They are not relevant and they are not your problem.
All I can say is that if you are not 100% certain that you want to depart, then it is probably better to remain. For a while at least.
If you would like to PM me, feel free to do so. Sometimes it's easier to talk away from the glare of publicity.

 

[d3ad]

i dont care about myself , i just feel bad for my parents

You also deserve kindness, please be kind to yourself. I am sorry you feel that way.

I don't know when it will end either.
Forget the people who wish they had access to SN. They are not relevant and they are not your problem.
All I can say is that if you are not 100% certain that you want to depart, then it is probably better to remain. For a while at least.
If you would like to PM me, feel free to do so. Sometimes it's easier to talk away from the glare of publicity.

Thank you so much, Linda. I highly appreciate your immense support. <3