Story Debt, Divorce, failed attempts, is there any hope?

[Ruinedmylif]

@chris8000 thank you gonna be a heck of a climb back up I'll be looking for everyone's support if I stay. I think tonight may be the night i leave

 

[Libracusp_1022]

That is a LOT for someone your age to have gone through. But you can absolutely recover from it. I had a friend who went bankrupt in his 40's, then went on to start another business that was very successful. In the US you can't do much financially for seven years after filing bankruptcy, but you'd be surprised how quickly those years go by. You'll still be young and at an age when most people are just starting out. Maybe focus on healing from the emotional traumas before worrying about the money.

 

[HadenoughHA]

90k in debt, stopped paying everything about to lose job. Wife is seeing and sleeping with an older man who has tortured me for months about what they do together.....in our home while I was in the psych ward. doesnt know shes about to lose her house and at this point I dont care. I'm 28, I could just move in with family let my world her world crumble and try to start over but it's so hard..... does anyone really think I can come back from this will I ever be happy again it hurts so fucking much

Hi there, at 28 you can overcome this you have a whole life in front of you..

Yes things at the moment look very bleak and you feel the light at the end of the tunnel will never be..

But you CAN do this, leave your past, start to pay back your debt and move to greener pastures. You will have the chance to meet someone great in the future who will love YOU! Please don't give up ️

 

[EmptyArms]

Absolutely you can recover from this! Sod the debt. That can be sorted or written off. At your age I hadnt yet married my first asshole husband. Second time around I'm married to a man who I really love and who treats me like a queen. I think I needed to get it wrong the first time to get it right the second time, if that makes sense. Throw her to the wolves, take your time rebuilding yourself, get someone who deserves you. You will never put up with this shit from anyone again.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Oh, no.

 

[Polka]

gonna be a heck of a climb back

There is nothing we can do to avoid the curve balls life throws at us sometimes.

It's not our fault. However it is true that we play a part in that we might not have the knowledge and experience required to successfully manage problematic situations in our lives when they happen. As time passes, if we put the work in, then the problematic situations become valuable lessons.

It sounds like there are at least two problems you are not addressing.

1) Finance.

You can spend time in self reflection figuring out why you are in this hole. That is the most important thing because without being able to grow you might very well repeat the same behavior later on. Did you spend to get happiness? Fill an emotional hole etc?

2) Your woman.

Have you based your happiness and/or identity in her or just being in a relationship in general? You might be attached to the part she plays as your partner rather then her herself.

Are you sure you really love her or are you afraid of ending it? A lot of the time it takes a divorce for men to learn the truth about women and themselves. With the internet it's all out there. Men have been comparing notes and noting the similarities in their experiences.

Women will respond to men they respect. Her behavior tells you that she does not respect you right now. It might also be the case that you do not respect and love yourself which is why this situation is carrying on. Being a nice guy is what Hollywood tells you to do but it's not productive in the real world.

Looking ahead you need to be happy with yourself and know exactly what you want from a relationship so you can share that with the next woman and let her know the boundaries.

I had to spend a lot of time figuring things out after I lost someone recently. The good news is plenty of information is available to help you think it through.

The divorce stats should tell you something is wrong somewhere so it's up to us to figure out where because there is too much $ involved and ingrained anti male preference in the system now to expect anyone but ourselves to help each other.

 

[Ruinedmylif]

Tried to leave last night and she fought me the whole time.... saying I'm screwing her over and that she just needs time and that I have a chance to e with her again. Meanwhile its friday so she will. Be with him tonight what a joke this all is

 

[chris8000]

Don't let yourself get screwed around by these people, they're out there and beware of them, they mess with your emotions like its all a big game. If my wife started doing something like that, I would chuck her out because I'd rather be alone than get messed around mentally and emotionally. It isn't good for you. Being alone is difficult for a while then you get used to it. I still think you can make it through this @Ruinedmylif.

 

[Polka]

Tried to leave last night and she fought me the whole time.

She doesn't want to see the wallet walk out the door. Women test men to see if they can be alphas/control them. It's not messing with your emotions it's just what they do. Trouble is a lot of men have to learn this the hard way these days.

 

[Ruinedmylif]

She doesn't want to see the wallet walk out the door. Women test men to see if they can be alphas/control them. It's not messing with your emotions it's just what they do. Trouble is a lot of men have to learn this the hard way these days.

Jokes on her because I won't have anything soon cant believe my life has come to this. I'm trying to be strong for all of you that believe in me.

 

[Polka]

cant believe my life has come to this.

This is how I felt five months ago about my particular situation. Time has changed things and changed me because I wanted to figure out what mistakes I made and I gave it a lot of thought and time in research. I hope you grow from it all. At 28 it is not hard to start over. People do it at 50+.

The joke is not really on her because there are so many men out there that she can replace you with. They will be happy to take her in.

 

[Ruinedmylif]

I don't think I can do it.... I'm trying why do i love this woman so much.... it haunts me to think of what shes done... I think my brains broken. I've ruined everything. I'm breaking down. I want to go and I want the pain to stop. I dont think I can start over.
Last time I hung myself with a belt and I was gone but the belt slipped from the door and I woke up on the floor with a knot on the back of my head. I literally can't think straight I've let everyone down

 

[Polka]

Right now you are upset and thinking emotionally and not rationally. Read the whole thread again. A lot of people gave you a lot of good advice.

These days many, many women cheat. You are being used as a beta provider. You have to work towards a goal where you do not depend on a woman in your life to make you happy or at least make you think that you have a chance at happiness. How you are reacting to all this makes me wonder if you are depending on women for your self validation.

It is difficult to have your heart broken but you CAN get through this. Do you have life insurance/will where the women gets the house if you die? Make sure to change that and start collecting evidence of her cheating for a divorce if you are married. This woman has a plan and you are being manipulated by her. You need to man up. This is within you but it might take some effort so stay with us, keep sharing and keep trying.

Sooner or later you have to leave so why drag it out? Make use of family to recharge and get some time to think. We are all here for you.