Dealing with imposter syndrome?

[TheLastGreySky]

So recently I had a short series of psychedelic trips and in the most recent one I uncovered a repressed memory (which I'll talk about in another post) as well as I became aware that I have imposter syndrome and that's one of the main reasons I've been stagnant as a artist and a musician the past several months.
I realize unless people are extremely positive with compliments I don't feel validated in what I do, and art used to never be about getting attention. I used to run from compliments and I was definitely my own biggest critic and now I'm aware that I have to deal with feeling like I'm not a "real" artist.

For anyone who's ever read the original teenage mutant Ninja turtle comics you'll probably know that the art is widely considered terrible even by the standards of the time, and yet it's a really good comic. So for a long time my question why I didn't draw more if my skill level wasn't the barrier to my happiness as an artist. Well, without dragging this on any further I believe I'm suffering from imposter syndrome. And I'm not sure how to deal with it productively. I'm very much anti-therapist because I feel like 70% of therapy is getting comfortable with someone and subjecting yourself to to their suggestion.
While never having the ability to actually open up about real world issues without them locking you up for being suicidal.

 

[Dejected 55]

Impostor syndrome is bad to deal with, and yet it's a sign of being introspective and not full of yourself, which I think is ultimately a good thing.

People will always say that other people's opinions don't matter... but that's BS. You're an artist. You can be confident as all hell, but if no one buys your work, you're a starving artist. You can starve to the grave being self-loving and confident unless and until someone else likes your work and buys it.

BUT... the rub is... sometimes people want shit. My father mused a lot over how he could put hours and days into a drawing that nobody would care about... then he could whip something he thought was crap out in an hour that people would fawn over. People are finicky and inconsistent and also subject to tribe-mentality so you could be the best artist ever and nobody will care. Think of famous artists like Van Gough who didn't sell shit until people began to appreciate him after he died. That's sad as fuck how much people enjoy his works and he never get to experience that and took his own life thinking he was worthless and talentless.

I don't know if I even have a point here... life and people suck.

 

[westerly_merlin]

I always thought it was just something with me, no matter what I do or say it always feels like I am faking it.

I can sit with people who are asking me to tell them what to do and in my head I think they are just playing along waiting to catch me out and laugh at me.

Outwardly I am billy big bollocks, the expert with years of good experience and grey hairs to go with, it but inside I feel like a 16 year old on his first job who should not voice an opinion.

Everyone else at work seems so confident and with it I assumed it was just me.

It does not help i beat myself up for every minor mistake, even if no one else notices.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Impostor syndrome is bad to deal with, and yet it's a sign of being introspective and not full of yourself, which I think is ultimately a good thing.

People will always say that other people's opinions don't matter... but that's BS. You're an artist. You can be confident as all hell, but if no one buys your work, you're a starving artist. You can starve to the grave being self-loving and confident unless and until someone else likes your work and buys it.

BUT... the rub is... sometimes people want shit. My father mused a lot over how he could put hours and days into a drawing that nobody would care about... then he could whip something he thought was crap out in an hour that people would fawn over. People are finicky and inconsistent and also subject to tribe-mentality so you could be the best artist ever and nobody will care. Think of famous artists like Van Gough who didn't sell shit until people began to appreciate him after he died. That's sad as fuck how much people enjoy his works and he never get to experience that and took his own life thinking he was worthless and talentless.

I don't know if I even have a point here... life and people suck.

I'm glad you shared. And I totally agree that people suck most of the time.

I always thought it was just something with me, no matter what I do or say it always feels like I am faking it.

I can sit with people who are asking me to tell them what to do and in my head I think they are just playing along waiting to catch me out and laugh at me.

Outwardly I am billy big bollocks, the expert with years of good experience and grey hairs to go with, it but inside I feel like a 16 year old on his first job who should not voice an opinion.

Everyone else at work seems so confident and with it I assumed it was just me.

It does not help i beat myself up for every minor mistake, even if no one else notices.

Exactly, like I learned early on that the truth is 90% of the time people are faking everything or they are acting so mechanical that nothing comes out unique. But I still suffer with this idea that I'm not real because 80% of my time involving art is staring at a blank canvas and then not drawing that whole day. Then when I do draw usually it's so filled with anger towards the delusional art community that it's dark and sometimes even mean spirited.

Like I'm sorry but, how furries get made fun of so much and yet they can draw the most cringey stuff and still get dozens if not hundreds of likes?
And I am a little jealous, but I also don't understand how I'm supposed to connect with people and that's what's more irritating.

I don't want to assume that people only like garbage... But it really does feel like you have to fit in 80% or even 90% and I'm really tired of sword art online clone stories and Naruto and One Piece knockoffs. The same with music... I can change my voice when I sing since I have a strong low register and one of the things I like to do is intentionally sing terrible on this one song I do and then just drop it really low. Because really that's all a lot of people care about is that ability to project onto something. But most of my songs are high pitched because it's really hard to sing low and have that consistent flow because I'm a thinner person, I've got to use my whole body just to hit low notes.

I don't know I just want to make stuff with a story and not just play it safe. But outside of bands like Maneskin I feel like we haven't had anything original come out in a decade.