setmefreeyeah
New Member
- Apr 23, 2022
- 3
i don't want to bother my friends with bullshit i know is just in my head. i keep starting conversations with this one girl, complaining about my life, and she does the same to me, but she doesn't like it when i bring up drugs, so talking to me must be tedious for her recently...
i'm in a relationship with two people - i joined an established relationship, and now we're a throuple/triad (look up polyamorous terms if you're interested). thing is, i'm a secret from the rest of our community. one of my partners wants to avoid judgement. they keep saying how important i am to them, but i'm worried at least one of them only likes me as a friend and only agreed to it because his partner and i wanted it... maybe they both only like me as a friend and are just indulging me. i'm sure i could learn to be okay with that.
when i was younger, i never thought i'd be in a situation like this. the most heartbreaking thing has always been the voice in my brain that loves tearing me down so much, not anyone else's actions.
their replies on social media are inconsistent... it makes it harder for me to communicate, since i rely on technology a lot... and it makes me worry about how it'll go when we move away from here and have to go long-distance.
when one of them is worried about something, it feels like i'm an afterthought... i'm probably being overdramatic. maybe it's just because they've been an established relationship for a year or so and i'm new, plus they're not used to polyamory.
i'm not jealous, that's not it at all. they're adorable together and i really like both of them. i just fucking hate myself and i don't feel like enough.
it's like, no matter what i do, i'll find a way to be miserable. i think i need to buy e-cigarettes tomorrow, i really can't stand it. i hope when i get new antidepressants, things'll be easier, but i doubt it...
i'm in a relationship with two people - i joined an established relationship, and now we're a throuple/triad (look up polyamorous terms if you're interested). thing is, i'm a secret from the rest of our community. one of my partners wants to avoid judgement. they keep saying how important i am to them, but i'm worried at least one of them only likes me as a friend and only agreed to it because his partner and i wanted it... maybe they both only like me as a friend and are just indulging me. i'm sure i could learn to be okay with that.
when i was younger, i never thought i'd be in a situation like this. the most heartbreaking thing has always been the voice in my brain that loves tearing me down so much, not anyone else's actions.
their replies on social media are inconsistent... it makes it harder for me to communicate, since i rely on technology a lot... and it makes me worry about how it'll go when we move away from here and have to go long-distance.
when one of them is worried about something, it feels like i'm an afterthought... i'm probably being overdramatic. maybe it's just because they've been an established relationship for a year or so and i'm new, plus they're not used to polyamory.
i'm not jealous, that's not it at all. they're adorable together and i really like both of them. i just fucking hate myself and i don't feel like enough.
it's like, no matter what i do, i'll find a way to be miserable. i think i need to buy e-cigarettes tomorrow, i really can't stand it. i hope when i get new antidepressants, things'll be easier, but i doubt it...
