CTB w SN everything in place

[Theanswer]

Just paid for the self-directed cremation. Yesterday, I viewed and really analyzed different hotel rooms and it's booked and paid for. It was more emotional than I expected. Partially due to SI rearing up, again, but also that I'm going to be leaving a dead body with these people. They were very nice and I feel guilty and ashamed but there's not a thing I can do about it. No other place available. I'll put a sign up on the bedroom door (it's a suite) to not enter, etc. But still feeling sad. Sad that no one will even know I'm missing. I wish I didn't have to be alone when I'm ctb in a couple of weeks. Just have to keep reminding myself that I won't have to live with this nor the brain tumor or type 1 diabetes much longer. I'm in no way doubting my decision to ctb. Would love some compassion. Thanks.

 

[Hope:-)]

I will also be using the sn method. How are you feeling now?

 

[Theanswer]

I will also be using the sn method. How are you feeling now?

Sad and alone.

 

[Poor Stargazer]

I am sorry you are feeling this bad. I wish you a peaceful journey.

 

[Hope:-)]

That sucks. I'm sorry. x

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

It's so sad that we have to do it alone. It would be so much 'easier' if there was someone with us in these last difficult hours.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nobody should have to die alone if that is what they want. I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point, it really is such a cruel existence. I hope that you find relief.

 

[Lone Wanderer]

Whatever happens I wish you a peaceful journey, my friend. You will be missed I assure you.

 

[Caterpillar]

For these few hours mine and your roads cross, I want to send you hugs from Ireland. There is no words that can give you the right amount of I'm sorry you suffer this much but if there were, I woukd have said them. I'm sorry, I really hope you have a calm heart.

 

[Theanswer]

For these few hours mine and your roads cross, I want to send you hugs from Ireland. There is no words that can give you the right amount of I'm sorry you suffer this much but if there were, I woukd have said them. I'm sorry, I really hope you have a calm heart.

@Caterpillar Thank you for your warm words. Really needed the calm heart wish.

 

[chronicallybroken]

I respect your decision and I'm sorry that you have to go through it in this way. We'll be here for as long as you need us.

 

[Zegers]

Call me a lunatic but i have the belief that after all this what is coming is something good and better.

Remember after this will come the peace.

 

[Theanswer]

Call me a lunatic but i have the belief that after all this what is coming is something good and better.

Remember after this will come the peace.

Thank you @Zegers. Thank you. That, is what I need to KEEP reminding myself to do. What I am actually leaving and peace after I ctb. Deep bow of gratitude.

 

[starryeyedgemini]

Even though you are certain of your decision its very emotional because of the finality of it. i am so sorry youll be spending your final moments alone but i hope you find peace in the end. I cant begin to imagine what youve been going through with your health however you are in my thoughts and i have nothing but respect for your decision. Love from Wales

 

[Theanswer]

Even though you are certain of your decision its very emotional because of the finality of it. i am so sorry youll be spending your final moments alone but i hope you find peace in the end. I cant begin to imagine what youve been going through with your health however you are in my thoughts and i have nothing but respect for your decision. Love from Wales

Thanks, it's the pain and struggle with my health but equally important being totally alone for past 30 years, no friends, no family. Just acquaintances. All brutal.

 

[JustTooHard]

Wishing you a peaceful journey

Wish I could join you

 

[Theanswer]

Hey everyone - Your responses help and mean A LOT to me. Feeling better. Thanks so much.

 

[rationaltake]

It's so hard being alone for so long. I wish life wasn't so difficult and so unfair.

You're being very considerate of others in your preparations.

I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[wljourney]

You won't be alone.
We will be here with you and we will think of you. ‍

 

[Theanswer]

Just an fyi, I will be ctb in a couple of weeks when the hotel is booked. Have more planning to do, not much, but some. Not going to list specific date but will reach out.

 

[whitefeather]

Thank you .

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Just paid for the self-directed cremation. Yesterday, I viewed and really analyzed different hotel rooms and it's booked and paid for. It was more emotional than I expected. Partially due to SI rearing up, again, but also that I'm going to be leaving a dead body with these people. They were very nice and I feel guilty and ashamed but there's not a thing I can do about it. No other place available. I'll put a sign up on the bedroom door (it's a suite) to not enter, etc. But still feeling sad. Sad that no one will even know I'm missing. I wish I didn't have to be alone when I'm ctb in a couple of weeks. Just have to keep reminding myself that I won't have to live with this nor the brain tumor or type 1 diabetes much longer. I'm in no way doubting my decision to ctb. Would love some compassion. Thanks.

You've got all of my compassion. I'm doing much of what you're doing. I had an appointment last week with an attorney to have my will drafted. We discussed holding off on that for a couple weeks while I get a pre-planned cremation set-up and paid for, which makes sense, so it can be mentioned in my will. So, I started making calls last week, found the cheapest option, and just got the paperwork today in the mail. Now, I just have to set-up an appointment with the crematory (yes, bypassing the funeral homes as it's cheaper). I'm, most likely, just going to ctb at home. I don't have anyone to find me, either, so I'm going to send a letter to the local police department the day I ctb explaining what I have done and where they can find me. The way I figure it is if I mail the letter late on a Saturday and ctb that Saturday evening, the police should get the letter on Tuesday, which should be more than enough time, way more, to make sure I'm actually dead, by the time they get here, assuming they take it seriously. I think they have to take it seriously, though. It's sad we have to do it this way. You, in a public place, so you get found and me, by having to write and tell someone to look for my body. I don't like having to go out alone, either, but it's the way I've been having to live my life, so I guess it's all par for the course. Certainly not anything that is going to dissuade me.

I'm so sorry about your conditions and having to make this most difficult decision. May your journey be easy and peace be yours.

 

[Nirrend]

I'm sorry @Theanswer for what you are living, loneliness can wreck anyone and we all understand that here

Sending you love from far away <3