Discussion CTB thoughts - Ppl vanish

[ctb_warrior]

Hi all

Welcome to another thread by me.

This thread focuses on how people around us respond to our mental state.

So, let's begin:
After my major CTB attempts when I was 15,16, where I landed in ICU and survived because I was given medical help before I could die. I had no option but to give life a chance.

I did Yoga and meditation and some parts of Kundalini Yoga and hypnosis. I became really strong. My aura became very powerful and my presence became highly magnetic. In my meditative state, I saw a sun like shining light - which means I was on a very good spiritual progress.

It was time for me to join college.. on the very first day when we all were sitting in the park of the college hostel, people were extremely impressed by me. They started spreading word about me that there's a very talented guy who has joined the college. And suddenly, everyone wanted to be my friend. All the college soon had my phone number. I had also appeared for a national level competition that I got first rank in. Soon enough, teachers also started recognising me. Life was getting interesting.

As I was in hostel, so I could not continue yoga and meditation stuff due to a lot of disturbance in the room besides I had to focus on studies as well. College studies were not easy.

Fast forward to the point, when I started feeling emotionally low again. I tried feeble CTB attempts here and there. Until this point, no one knew that I had a background of CTB.
I told this one female best friend about it. Initially she wanted to know about my life secrets. The day I told her, she started distancing from me. (Later on I understood, she was my friend only because i was famous and resourceful)
A few months later, I attempted a full fledged CTB attempt from my side. But I was too naive to think that 40 strips of ativan could do the job. I was only knocked off for 6-7 days.
Due to this attempt, everyone came to know that I'm in that mindset.
After this, majority of my friends started distancing from me..suddenly i lost soo many friends. (It was good riddance by the way because if they were real friends they would not have vanished)

From a celebrity to a nobody in a matter of years just because I wanted to CTB.

There was this school friend of mine, I told her about it, she talked to me once and she also vanished after that. I tried to contact her again but she was clearly trying to avoid me.

This pattern kept on repeating in my life.

Moral of this story:

1. You've to be positive and confident if you want people to be in your life
2. Not everyone who talks nicely to you is a friend, not everyone who talks rudely to you is a foe
3. Most people want entertainment
4. Most people can't talk deep talks
5. People will call you a loser if you tell that you wish to CTB, because they've not felt that pain. The day they get to feel that pain, only then will they ever understand what you go through. What it is like to be in your shoes
6. Everyone's pain is a pain. Someone may feel less pain for the same thing while someone else may feel more pain. So, it's important to respect everyone who is having a pain.
7. There's not a single person who has a stress free problem free life. Everyone's struggling to some or other extent. So, it's best to treat everyone we meet with kindness, because you never know that kind interaction or one small complement can make someone feel better about themselves.
8. Yoga and Meditation can turn things around for you like it did for me. If I talk about eastern philosophy. Why we suffer from depression or the thoughts to CTB is because our energy levels are low and our aura is not strong enough. Yoga and meditation help fortify the aura and raise our energy levels helping us face life. So, yoga, meditation, hypnosis can be a game-changer in your life if you are seeking to change your life and not looking at CTB.

 

[SimplePeaceOfMind]

Well, thank for sharing your experience and your mindset, I could relate to things like the real reason most friends want to be friends, that's, probably the main reason I have none. But sometimes it hurts when I realize that.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Well, thank for sharing your experience and your mindset, I could relate to things like the real reason most friends want to be friends, that's, probably the main reason I have none. But sometimes it hurts when I realize that.

It's my pleasure i shared this because i have noticed a lot of ppl are facing the same, when they tell ppl in their life that they wana ctb, they start distancing.
As you wish to have friends, I think there's a workaround to it. When you go out, pretend you are confident and bold personality who has a positive mindset.
When I go out, I do the same. The way I carry myself and the way I smile and laugh, no one can ever guess that I'm having major depressive disorder and I'm planning to kill myself in my head all the time no one can predict that. I appeared for 5 interviews back to back, and with this "mask" i cleared all of them and impressed all of the interviewers easily. They all gave excellent feedback. Haha
The moment they came to know I'm depressed and suicidal, I was released from the project
I wanted to get a release from that project anyways, so it was a good riddance.

 

[SimplePeaceOfMind]

It's my pleasure i shared this because i have noticed a lot of ppl are facing the same, when they tell ppl in their life that they wana ctb, they start distancing.
As you wish to have friends, I think there's a workaround to it. When you go out, pretend you are confident and bold personality who has a positive mindset.
When I go out, I do the same. The way I carry myself and the way I smile and laugh, no one can ever guess that I'm having major depressive disorder and I'm planning to kill myself in my head all the time no one can predict that. I appeared for 5 interviews back to back, and with this "mask" i cleared all of them and impressed all of the interviewers easily. They all gave excellent feedback. Haha
The moment they came to know I'm depressed and suicidal, I was released from the project
I wanted to get a release from that project anyways, so it was a good riddance.

Thank you for your input.
It is good to know that you have good workarounds to navigate through social interactions.
I have been a submissive guy since I know me, and am not very good at pretending. That situation always put me as victim of bullying. And am now in a situation where CTB is the only way, that I see, to free me from this horrendous abuse.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Thank you for your input.
It is good to know that you have good workarounds to navigate through social interactions.
I have been a submissive guy since I know me, and am not very good at pretending. That situation always put me as victim of bullying. And am now in a situation where CTB is the only way, that I see, to free me from this horrendous abuse.

It's my pleasure
I too was a very innocent submissive guy. I have been bullied a lot in my childhood, by my cousins and classmates. I get angry really fast and that brings out the devil inside me.
As such you can still flip this around. But I can understand what you've gone through, because we both are in the same boat. Just that now I'm tough to bully. I'm a bigger bully than them.

 

[doneforlife]

Yes !! So very true ! People do vanish. Must be there is a black hole . Damn !! Why didn't I think of it earlier. I try to be optimistic. It's good that whoever vanished from my life ...vanished. They were not worth to hold on to.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Yes !! So very true ! People do vanish. Must be there is a black hole . Damn !! Why didn't I think of it earlier. I try to be optimistic. It's good that whoever vanished from my life ...vanished. They were not worth to hold on to.

They vanish in thin air like magic.. the bunny in the magician's hat
Yes, they definitely were not worth to hold on to.
Good riddance