Venting CTB because im scared

[melonpan]

Originally, my motives to commit suicide were from guilt in living a good life (because I'm a parasite latching onto my parents)

Now, it just became something I want to do because I'm scared to face reality. When I want to escape a situation, I seek death. This actually was a thing as a kid though where I would think "if I died .. I wouldn't need to go to school/do hw" and before that, it was "if I died, I won't become old and grow up"

Maybe I've always been a coward at heart anyways, I'm planning to CTB tomorrow IF NOT Monday but who knows if I wussy out

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

That sounds rough :(
Wish you peace and we'll be here if you don't go through with it!

 

[unluckysadness]

Anxiety ruined my life too. I'm really scared about future, as my health condition is becoming worse. In fact, I'm afraid I won't be able to CTB for some reasons.
I wish you peace, wathever you decide

 

[MyShadow]

Originally, my motives to commit suicide were from guilt in living a good life (because I'm a parasite latching onto my parents)

Now, it just became something I want to do because I'm scared to face reality. When I want to escape a situation, I seek death. This actually was a thing as a kid though where I would think "if I died .. I wouldn't need to go to school/do hw" and before that, it was "if I died, I won't become old and grow up"

Maybe I've always been a coward at heart anyways, I'm planning to CTB tomorrow IF NOT Monday but who knows if I wussy out

You should be scared. Let's face it, reality sucks. I grew up and got old, and let me tell you - it's a real kick in the balls and I did it when there were a few more opportunities. Now everything has been gobbled up by billionaires so even the basics like housing are wildly unaffordable and daily life is bombarded with shit.

I don't want to tell you what to do but living out here in the "real world" is bad, so if your parents are cool that you stick around while you figure stuff out, do it. That may be a better plan than killing yourself.

 

[swankysoup]

Just asking from curiosity, but if you have been living a good life, why would you be anxious and afraid of things like going to school? Sounds like there is more to the story.

 

[melonpan]

Just asking from curiosity, but if you have been living a good life, why would you be anxious and afraid of things like going to school? Sounds like there is more to the story.

Not too sure honestly, it's always been there, a sort of dread towards something
I was a good kid in school, all A's which cancels out the idea of school being too hard to attend, had some friends (not a lot because I was awkward but enough to not be lonely) so yeah, maybe it's simply something wrong with my brain?