Craving illegal drugs

[SchizoGymnast]

I often feel like I don't want to die but I do want to escape. I'm a highly sensitive person and my mind is very active and sometimes I hate it. Opioids have always been a fascination of mine because, obviously, they're numbing and pain killing and all that jazz. But I've also heard that it creates a sense of warmth and safety, which is why it's so popular among sex workers and the homeless population. If I had access to a safe supply, I would love to try fentanyl. I want to feel that warmth and safety so bad and I'm afraid I'll never feel it without drugs.

 

[leloyon]

Same. I once told someone that I would've probably become a junkie if I'd had access to a drug dealer, been years since that statement and the person I made it to turned out to be a rat, yet the sentiment hasn't changed.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Same. I once told someone that I would've probably become a junkie if I'd had access to a drug dealer, been years since that statement and the person I made it to turned out to be a rat, yet the sentiment hasn't changed.

I wouldn't need ctb if I had a steady stream of IV Fenty

 

[lonergirl_26]

I feel the same. I want to be able to escape just until I ctb. I wish I had access to them.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I'm resourceful enough where I could get ahold of something if I really wanted to. But in this climate, I'm not looking to get arrested.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The thing is, that warmth and safety you feel will likely be soured by the stress of having to deal with a drug addiction. A lot of opioid addicts grow to dislike taking them but continue to do it due to their addictions. My bf has suffered from opioid addiction in the past and has warned me against tryibg them. I think my dad may have struggled with it before as well (he has had issues with drug addiction before and has tried out a lot of drugs when he was younger). I feel like I'd only ever want to try opioids specifically for ctb purposes and nothing more.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

The thing is, that warmth and safety you feel will likely be soured by the stress of having to deal with a drug addiction. A lot of opioid addicts grow to dislike taking them but continue to do it due to their addictions. My bf has suffered from opioid addiction in the past and has warned me against tryibg them. I think my dad may have struggled with it before as well (he has had issues with drug addiction before and has tried out a lot of drugs when he was younger). I feel like I'd only ever want to try opioids specifically for ctb purposes and nothing more.

I'm not sure how bad my life would have to be for me to take that risk. I know I'm not there yet, but I really do wish there was injectable lidocaine for the brain. For all those pesky emotions that arise out of nowhere and that stop you from going about your day. I feel like with physical pain, we're encouraged to take Tylenol but for emotional pain, we're just supposed to suck it up.

 

[kitkat9234]

I wish I had access to heroin or fent to CTB with.

 

[Manic Panic]

I crave the days when I did illegal substances but honestly all it did was make the times I was sober that much worse

 

[Emerita]

As an addict I know what your feeling this was me before I was addicted. Now I know you cant stop someone who really wants drugs because they will get them, I wouldn't suggest you start and you very likely will get addicted considering how you talk about drugs. Addiction is hell but I also know no one could have convinced me not to start and I knew before I would get addicted.

Using fentanyl recreationally can also lead to serious side effects, as your body may not be able to handle it. Drugs take a significant toll on your body, mind, and spirit. While I can't stop anyone from using drugs, I don't want to encourage it but I would rather you be safe so I will give you some things I would recommend for your safety.

Opioids, in particular, are dangerous because once you're addicted, stopping can lead to severe withdrawal symptoms that can be life threatening. This is why many people need to rely on treatments like methadone because withdrawal.

If you do choose to use, I recommend starting with something lighter, like a lower dose opioid. Codeine is where I would say is the safest starting point. You could go for a dilly, but that's much stronger, and I think codeine would be better overall. However, even that can cause adverse effects. Methadone could be an option since you're a non opioid user/ addict, so you have a different threshold, and it may provide a sense of euphoria.

It's important to approach this with caution, and please get a Narcan kit it's free! I also suggest having someone with you and if you can't, then have someone you can contact in case something goes wrong, so you feel safe reaching out.

Stay hydrated and avoid being in a low light or dark room. If you decide to use a harder opioid right off the bat, I suggest having plain bread or crackers nearby, along with water, and being close to an available bathroom, bucket or outside in case you start throwing up, which is likely. I also recommend wearing loose clothing or layers that you can easily take off, as you might start to overheat. If that happens, run your wrists under cold water or use an ice pack or fan.

But drug use will make you miserable I can almost guarantee that. stay safe Im sorry you feel this way.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

As an addict I know what your feeling this was me before I was addicted. Now I know you cant stop someone who really wants drugs because they will get them, I wouldn't suggest you start and you very likely will get addicted considering how you talk about drugs. Addiction is hell but I also know no one could have convinced me not to start and I knew before I would get addicted.

Using fentanyl recreationally can also lead to serious side effects, as your body may not be able to handle it. Drugs take a significant toll on your body, mind, and spirit. While I can't stop anyone from using drugs, I don't want to encourage it but I would rather you be safe so I will give you some things I would recommend for your safety.

Opioids, in particular, are dangerous because once you're addicted, stopping can lead to severe withdrawal symptoms that can be life threatening. This is why many people need to rely on treatments like methadone because withdrawal.

If you do choose to use, I recommend starting with something lighter, like a lower dose opioid. Codeine is where I would say is the safest starting point. You could go for a dilly, but that's much stronger, and I think codeine would be better overall. However, even that can cause adverse effects. Methadone could be an option since you're a non opioid user/ addict, so you have a different threshold, and it may provide a sense of euphoria.

It's important to approach this with caution, and please get a Narcan kit it's free! I also suggest having someone with you and if you can't, then have someone you can contact in case something goes wrong, so you feel safe reaching out.

Stay hydrated and avoid being in a low light or dark room. If you decide to use a harder opioid right off the bat, I suggest having plain bread or crackers nearby, along with water, and being close to an available bathroom, bucket or outside in case you start throwing up, which is likely. I also recommend wearing loose clothing or layers that you can easily take off, as you might start to overheat. If that happens, run your wrists under cold water or use an ice pack or fan.

But drug use will make you miserable I can almost guarantee that. stay safe Im sorry you feel this way.

It's ironic that you say this because I have a medical and human services background. I even worked as a tech at a drug rehab and I currently do harm reduction at a homeless shelter. This is all familiar to me. But when I hit certain triggers and I feel some type of way, I get to a point where I just don't care. I'm not ready to outright die but I want to gratuitously and publicly self immolate (figuratively) in some manner, whether it's through drugs or not eating or taking medicine.

I can tolerate withdrawal from my prescriptions for a prolonged period of time. I can tolerate severe sleep deprivation for days. I can go without eating well after low blood sugar has set in. It's dangerous, it's miserable and I always run back to doing the right thing. But in the moment, I feel clean, euphoric, in control, etc. It's a short but powerful high, and it's also an outward sign to the world that I am not okay. Because I feel like no one listens when I just tell them. It's like non suicidal self harm, I guess. And writing about drugs is a form of harm reduction for me. I hope this made sense.

 

[bankai]

I've been wanting to try some drugs sometime now. I haven't had anything other than alcohol my entire life. That being said, I don't really want to lose control to these things

Still, I'm looking to spice up my mundane life in some way

I don't think there's any option other than drugs for that.

 

[SeafoamSkeleton]

I believe using opiates saved my life at one point, but I still attempted when things went sideways. I didn't think I still would if I felt okay, but it was definitely less distressing than other attempts.

I quit a long time ago and I thought that would help me get my life together, but I am more nonfunctional sober than I am high. All my friends now are upstanding citizens, so I wouldn't even know how to find any since I have no desire to cop from unknowns on the street.

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, it's like cigarettes, it gets annoying as you get used to it and have to pay to feel normal.

I do note the pincushion effect with, y'know, the needly crowd: they're physically all torn up from, y'know, a lot of recreational piercings and lack of caution while numbed, and being in pain from that causes more misery when the drugs wear off.

Anyway, if you don't know from anything, kratom isn't particularly super healthy, but if you've never done opiates, honestly you can have all the opiate adventures with that orally. Just with slightly less chance of actually dying, but at least many places your craving will be available at the gas station and not even particularly maligned these days.

I don't really recommend starting because, pointless expense and not sure how to feel about who it's funding, but if you're gonna do shit anyway, there's just not a lot of difference, twiddling the my opiate receptors is twiddling the mu opiate receptors.

There's actually more variation between strains of kratom for variations in caffeine? content than between proscription opiates that will hit more like a red kratom but can always have a couple espresso shots or energy drinks with to have more of a green kratom experience. Oblivion is nice but as lacking misery is a rarity for us, I have preferred the latter as otherwise, without pain on a level that prevents even sleep, it's all just a sleeping pill that you get to feel worse after taking (hangover/withdrawals).

I am the asshole for whom a moderate amount of opiate withdrawal could be antidepressant/invigorating for, though. It's when you play too deep - with stuff that's probably just making you feel all overdosed and nauseous during - and then realize you feel too sore and shitty to function in the shitty enough sober world that it's going to be a problem, so just don't waste your time with anything stronger than you have to, because you'll actually have more joy rarely being stupid feeling like you're taking a heroic amount of the natural stuff than just slamming H every day until you don't know what you're doing anyway.

It's all a great way to observe how you have a certain number of cells in your body expressing a certain number of receptors for the stuff, and can equally satisfy them with whatever binds to that.

(The stronger stuff has a greater risk of death for first timers I suppose, but if you don't die you'll have unnecessarily expensive tastes and possibly feel weird about having to eat 20 pills of gross green plant stuff for similar effect, but fuck it, at that point it's like getting dope and a salad in one go).