At this point ,courage is the issue. How do I gain the courage while in a sound mind. My depression which fuels my obsession with getting the job done has improved for the moment so how the hell do I get the courage to consume fatal doses of method? Life sux,I see no reason to prolong the agony of my existence and there's nothing I want more than to fall asleep and never wake up but how in the hell do I get the strength to make this happen. From a prior incident ,I know for a fact that within 30 -40 minutes tops I will be totally unconscious after ingestion and as my preparation now dictates,I will not be discovered in time so, once I fall asleep it will work. My fear now is not of death as that is my greatest desire; my fear is that I'll take my method and immediately freak out in terror and call for help rather than lie down and succeed. The human nature to survive is instinctual and will uncontrollably dictate my actions. I'm racking my brains trying to figure out how to prevent the minds instinct to save itself from death. What the hell can be done about this? For a certainty, if this occurs,there's no doubt that amitriptyline will never be prescribed again for another go. Why the fuck is even dying so hard? It's as if there's no fn escape from this shit
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MysticPerception
I'm back and I'll still smile for you
- Dec 31, 2019
- 1,252
Your despair has to be stronger than your fear. That's just the reality of the situation. While I constantly tell people to have courage the sad fact is that no amount of courage can defeat SI if you have a shred of wanting to live left in you. You need to truly want to die more than anything. You could always try secluding yourself so you can't call for help when you do it.
I hadn't thought of that. Seclusion is a very good idea. Thank you
