Venting Coping with being annoying and being unliked.

[iamrealandyouarenot]

Im a very loud person. I get very excited around other people. I have tried to calm down, ADHD meds give me heart palpitations and panic attacks in turn. I know I'm funny, I know that's why people like me, but I have this lurking fear that they are placating me and I'm just extremely obnoxious. Every day, every SINGLE day, I come home and I rack my brain thinking of every interaction I had and think "what could have been annoying, what could have been rude, what could have been weird" I do this until I fall asleep. I am not a teenager, I'm 26 years old. I'm still in college because I was in a fatal car accident that took me out of classes for a while, I am disabled and my friend died who was driving. I am extremely self conscious about my age around my friends in their early 20s. I am extremely self conscious about my inability to physically do the same things as them. I am extremely upset losing friends and fear it intensely. Idk I just feel like they all secretly hate me. They talk badly about other people for being annoying. I do too, most people do. I mean i don't think that's abnormal or anything I'm just worried I'm also one of those people. I don't think it's wrong to dislike people for irritating you, if they don't like me I don't think it's their fault. I just don't know how to not be irritating. Today we had to take pictures and I got self conscious about what I looked like and I got embarrassed for being upset and cried and embarrassed myself further. I'm so stressed out. I do not know how to cope with this. I haven't self harmed in a year. I haven't tried to CTB in 3 years. I don't know how to cope. I don't think any of my friends know me. I feel very fake making jokes all the time, but I need to be liked. I need it badly. The only time I feel okay is in groups of people.

 

[timf]

In the mid 20s sometimes people change. The group party type environment can change to one on one friendships. If you have developed skills as a sort of group entertainer, you may find that your peers will find it less entertaining. Many actors face the same fears.

You may have to settle for developing friendship skills at the individual level. You may also have to work at reducing anxieties. This can be tricky as it sounds like they have been well established. Self-harm is often a way people try to exercise control to fight back against anxieties.

Some have found it useful to select a minor or peripheral anxiety and use that as an experimental model. By by asking what the wort thing could happen and using a mental exercise they can sometime reduce the fear component such that the anxiety becomes less overpowering. You may also consider cutting back on caffeine.

 

[Meimi18]

Oh, I feel like I understand you. I feel incredibly scared of my friends at all times, am I entertaining them enough? Am I likeable enough? I almost wanna ask them to just tell me how they want me to act, but that's a little strange. I wanna ask them if they like me, but I'm afraid they'd just be placating me. I'm afraid of losing them, but I also feel constantly stressed trying to be liked when I'm with them.
I talk to them and I feel good if I did a good job at having a conversation, but afterwards I'm alone and lonely again. I really don't know what to do about it

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Im a very loud person. I get very excited around other people. I have tried to calm down, ADHD meds give me heart palpitations and panic attacks in turn. I know I'm funny, I know that's why people like me, but I have this lurking fear that they are placating me and I'm just extremely obnoxious. Every day, every SINGLE day, I come home and I rack my brain thinking of every interaction I had and think "what could have been annoying, what could have been rude, what could have been weird" I do this until I fall asleep. I am not a teenager, I'm 26 years old. I'm still in college because I was in a fatal car accident that took me out of classes for a while, I am disabled and my friend died who was driving. I am extremely self conscious about my age around my friends in their early 20s. I am extremely self conscious about my inability to physically do the same things as them. I am extremely upset losing friends and fear it intensely. Idk I just feel like they all secretly hate me. They talk badly about other people for being annoying. I do too, most people do. I mean i don't think that's abnormal or anything I'm just worried I'm also one of those people. I don't think it's wrong to dislike people for irritating you, if they don't like me I don't think it's their fault. I just don't know how to not be irritating. Today we had to take pictures and I got self conscious about what I looked like and I got embarrassed for being upset and cried and embarrassed myself further. I'm so stressed out. I do not know how to cope with this. I haven't self harmed in a year. I haven't tried to CTB in 3 years. I don't know how to cope. I don't think any of my friends know me. I feel very fake making jokes all the time, but I need to be liked. I need it badly. The only time I feel okay is in groups of people.

I don't know if you want to hear this but honestly,
I've always loved hyperactive women. Not sure if you're a guy or a woman or not binary etc, my point is just that there are people who will accept you Just the Way You Are, in fact prefer you Just the Way You Are.

Like just to highlight what I'm talking about for those who don't see it, recently I had a girlfriend put her head in my shirt because she felt safe there... Was it weird? Totally. No debate there.
But was it adorable? Hell yes.

I can be annoying when I'm really comfortable around someone I like, so I think we all have this perception that we're weird compared to other people but even if you are... That's just who you are and you should be able to embrace yourself.

 

[iamrealandyouarenot]

Oh, I feel like I understand you. I feel incredibly scared of my friends at all times, am I entertaining them enough? Am I likeable enough? I almost wanna ask them to just tell me how they want me to act, but that's a little strange. I wanna ask them if they like me, but I'm afraid they'd just be placating me. I'm afraid of losing them, but I also feel constantly stressed trying to be liked when I'm with them.
I talk to them and I feel good if I did a good job at having a conversation, but afterwards I'm alone and lonely again. I really don't know what to do about it

It seems like we are very similar. It's a very on again off again issue. In the moment I feel like I'm on a high, and then it fizzles so hard.

 

[Spicy Tteokbokki]

I don't know if you want to hear this but honestly,
I've always loved hyperactive women. Not sure if you're a guy or a woman or not binary etc, my point is just that there are people who will accept you Just the Way You Are, in fact prefer you Just the Way You Are.

I've had both my guy and girl friends tell me they love me me a lot when I an hyper and silly and jumping around etc if that helps in any way.

 

[Goodfornothingbish]

Every day, every SINGLE day, I come home and I rack my brain thinking of every interaction I had and think "what could have been annoying, what could have been rude, what could have been weird" I do this until I fall asleep. I am not a teenager, I'm 26 years old.

Every day without fail too

I was in a fatal car accident that took me out of classes for a while, I am disabled and my friend died who was driving.

Im sorry for your loss.

I am extremely self conscious about my inability to physically do the same things as them. I am extremely upset losing friends and fear it intensely.

As someone who has friends your age difference than me in college, i will say that my older friends were my favorite. Always had the best times with them.

Idk I just feel like they all secretly hate me. They talk badly about other people for being annoying. I do too, most people do. I mean i don't think that's abnormal or anything I'm just worried I'm also one of those people. I don't think it's wrong to dislike people for irritating you, if they don't like me I don't think it's their fault. I just don't know how to not be irritating.

I couldn't have said it better.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

"I feel very fake making jokes all the time" feels true. I just came in from meeting a random group of strangers on Discord, and it was nice enough at the beginning but everyone left to go onto other parties. I don't have any friends and I could feel myself being funny while masking at the start, but eventually got exhausted and I think people pick up on it.

I'm going to stop going to random things - I can't connect to people and I'm tired of bending over backwards because I'm never good enough for anyone