Venting Cocked and loaded

[blahblahhh]

I've slept with a loaded gun next to my head for almost a year now. Gosh, it's just such a violent method. I can't even kill a fly. The psychological pain is unbearable. I've made preparations but it's never the "right" time and I know it never will be. How do I pull this trigger??

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Maybe alcohol is the right lubricant ? Although that could result in a painful failed CTB if you were drunk enough to overcome SI but too drunk to perform the shots properly

 

[GarageKarate07]

If you actually want/feel that you need to go. If you know it's your time. If you did all the homework you can do on your method AND you will not come back from it. If nobody will find you or if there will be a point of no return. Execute. You will enjoy your first day of the after life even though you will be sad to leave here. Do not ask permission. This is your choice. If you feel you need to stay. That's ok also.

 

[blahblahhh]

It's never gonna be the "right" time I've discovered but I'm at the point of execution and have been. I've made preparations but the build up to the event may dissuade me and shrink my SI. It may have to be random.

 

[sadworld]

You will know when it's the right time. You might want to give recovery another try. Death is not the only solution and just hoping you will pull the trigger someday won't make it better. Sending and

 

[WornOutLife]

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be able to pull the trigger easily neither.
I mean, you have death next to you and can make it happen in seconds but...so scary!
I guess it's SI and your mind saying "I want this body to keep on living, man"

I would drink lots of alcohol or get high so as to be more relaxed and see if I can pull the trigger then. Still, not that much because you gotta be conscious of what you're doing.

 

[pen]

Rehearse with an empty chamber, be familiarized with pulling the trigger.

 

[GarageKarate07]

I think an important thing to remember in all these situations we see posted here is nobody wants or wishes for you to go. The people here most certainly don't wish for anyone to pass on. Hopefully people in our individual lives feel the same way. Not that you should ask them because it sets of all the "alarms". I think at the same time most of us are ready and can't wait to go. Even though that makes our families sad. I hope all of us here have at least one or two good things happen this walk to keep us going. I know it happens to me and its annoying at the same time but I try not to ignore signs to stay. Its sounds really dumb and religious but theres some kind of plan for us here. Its just really really hard to see when your down in the dumps and all you can find are negative thoughts. Keep a mental note of the good things that happen to you tomorrow and try not to lose hope/faith. ❤

 

[Pookie]

Maybe one day you'll get drunk or very angry/upset and pull the trigger impulsively. Many suicides are impulsive acts but it's not a good idea as so much can go wrong. Sorry you're feeling suicidal. Hugs.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

If you're not ready then you're not ready. No need to rush. If you can't bring yourself to do it then it isn't your time yet. If it's meant to be, you'll feel it's the "right time" eventually.

 

[Mixo]

I think if it's been a ready and you're really needing to go, then maybe it's worth considering that gun is not the right method. I can't make any suggestion beyond that but it's what I've seen with other users who struggle with this method. The psychological resistance is really really strong with guns.

 

[blahblahhh]

I think if it's been a ready and you're really needing to go, then maybe it's worth considering that gun is not the right method. I can't make any suggestion beyond that but it's what I've seen with other users who struggle with this method. The psychological resistance is really really strong with guns.

I love your point. The resistance seems like it's a message that a) it isn't quite time b) wrong method as you mentioned. Thank you for the insight.

 

[mini_weeny]

I totally destroyed my ears after handling a gun and then it went off. It's the reason I'm here I have tinnitus and hyperacusis from that incident. I have nightmares about guns hurting my ears, PTSD. Can't play video games anymore first because all sound hurts me and second because of the guns and my ptsd. Keep in mind too that if you survive that you will be severely damaged and in pain, disabled or deformed for the rest of your life, probably deaf too and maybe months in hospital and fisical rehab.