Clarity of Mind

[Serenedeath02]

Every day that I wake up, I feel pain and I experience an inability to think. I haven't been able to think clearly for a very long time, and I can't really speak to anyone about it because they wont understand.

After contemplating suicide last night, but ultimately lacking the guts to go through with it, this morning I woke up able to think a little clearer. I must say that mental clarity is the greatest gift that an individual can have.

If I feel as though I cannot control my thoughts again, I think I may throw myself in front of traffic. That's how frustrated this makes me feel. I just want my life back. :(

 

[AnnonyBox]

Please don't throw yourself into traffic. It's a reckless and painful way to go. Perhaps try talking to people in the site's chat room? Everyone is here for a reason, so there's surely someone there who can understand that you can speak with.

 

[Serenedeath02]

Please don't throw yourself into traffic. It's a reckless and painful way to go. Perhaps try talking to people in the site's chat room? Everyone is here for a reason, so there's surely someone there who can understand that you can speak with.

Honestly, I don't want to traumatize anyone or make them feel guilty. Simultaneously, I just want my life back and because it seems like there isn't any hope for me, a quick death seems appealing. I've already tried to get hit by traffic before but to no avail.

I've one memory in particular of being out in the rain on a bridge, and listlessly staring into traffic, before taking a step toward the curb

I wish something as simple as just ending my own life was easier. What I need more of is guts!

 

[Sakura94]

It's because you're giving yourself a solution which brings about a purpose which is getting to it. However it may not be over for you. If anything it sounds like you still want something out of life you just don't know where to look for it. But you're trying to find something. <3

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Have you ever had your vitamin D level checked? I ask because I went through a period where I felt really stupid and it turned out my level was very low. Or you could just take vitamin D for a couple weeks and see if it made a difference.

This may not have helped, sending compassion regardless.