Help Chronically ill spouse vs own self care

[BaconCheeseburger]

Hi all. I post on here like once in a blue moon so now is my time to shine haha.

I'm newly married (think less than 6 months) and both my spouse and I have chronic conditions, but theirs is much more intense than mine. They've recently had to quit their job due to it and things only seem to be getting worse.

This has been gradually hitting us both financially and obviously mentally, with bills to pay, mouths to feed and just general expenses. There's then the stress of having to get them to the emergency room via ambulance the other night (thank fuck for the NHS) and the dawning realisation that they're not going to be well enough to return to work any time soon. I think the gravity of the situation has only really hit me now that I'm lying awake in bed with nothing else to think about.

I guess this is more of a vent than anything else. I love my partner and have no intention of going anywhere but I'm fucking knackered. I'm poorly too, but I'm one of those people who puts aside my own needs to try to cover both of our bases. I'm probably gonna end up just as fucked in a few years time.

I'm just so.. I can't even relax for a minute because there's always something that needs doing. We have several pets as a result of us both owning them before moving in together and their needs come up too. Everything just feels really fucking heavy right now.

Not sure whether I'm looking for kind words or just a pat on the back for managing right now

 

[vold3m0r†]

i understand how you feel, and youre strong. thats a lot going on, and not everyone would be able to handle it.

keep being strong.

i have pets too, and sometimes its tough just dealing with their needs.

 

[Lullaby]

This is a really difficult situation to be in and I'm sorry.

My dad has a brain tumor and I'm his main caregiver. He has seizures, blackouts, and he's starting to have symptoms of dementia. Medical bills are expensive, to the point where he doesn't even want to go the ER at times. It's exhausting, emotionally and physically, even more so when you're already struggling to begin with.

I wish I had some comforting words, but you're a strong person and you're doing the best you can do. Remember to try and take some time for yourself if you can, even if it's just an hour.

 

[CannotAnymore]

I just want to say I'm sorry... I'm the partner in my situation and I'm getting worse. Knowing he will be the one to deal with all of this just makes it worse. My brain says just suck it up.. but I can't...

and the mental health care system sucks and just makes things worse

I'm sorry.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I just want to say I'm sorry... I'm the partner in my situation and I'm getting worse. Knowing he will be the one to deal with all of this just makes it worse. My brain says just suck it up.. but I can't...

and the mental health care system sucks and just makes things worse

I'm sorry.

My partner has cried because she feels like she's putting so much pressure on me. It's kind of a hard situation because technically she is but I don't want to make her feel like shit.

Sorry to hear your condition is getting worse. Is there anything you and your partner can do to try to ease some of the pressure? We are trying to apply for benefits etc x

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I'm so sorry for yours and your partner's suffering. Sometimes life became a mess and it becomes very difficult to deal with everything, specially in your condicion.

I hope you can hang in there and support your partner. And I hope things will start to go better. I wish the best for both of you. Value each other. Some people are completely alone.

 

[CannotAnymore]

My partner has cried because she feels like she's putting so much pressure on me. It's kind of a hard situation because technically she is but I don't want to make her feel like shit.

Sorry to hear your condition is getting worse. Is there anything you and your partner can do to try to ease some of the pressure? We are trying to apply for benefits etc x

So lately he has been leaving me little post its around the house. In my sunglasses case or on the bathroom mirror. Or he will make me coffee before he goes to work.

He just keeps saying it's ok and I can see the moments where he stops and takes a breath because it's overwhelming.

I feel awful, the other night I had to wake him up because it was one of those on the floor can't walk breakdowns... It sucks..

I tell him all the time I feel awful, he keeps reassuring me.

He knows I have a 'substance' that can end my life if I drink it. (SN). He knows that this isn't his fault and why I feel that way I feel. He knows that really it's up to me to want to live and want to keep pushing. I am open and honest and I just beg him that if he finds me he makes sure I'm gone before he calls 911 (he keeps saying he can't do that,)

He is basically keeping me alive and I love and hate him for it. He knows when it's bad things get a little messy, I don't sleep, I say alot of dark things and you know, he just continues and he supports me and he isn't perfect but he is NEVER mean to me. He listens and observes my trauma.

I hope you realize only your partner can fix themself, you can only provide support and just try not to get frustrated or angry because it isn't your fault.

I have NO idea why he stays with me, I don't even like me....

(That's for reading my rant and explanation and thanks for loving your partner, I can't imagine how hard it is, I know it's hard)