NSFW Childhood is everything.

[EndlessRage]

It is the most important phase in our lives, where our innocence is present.

I've lived through a very bad childhood and i remember every single detail of it
Most people use this phrase a lot ''Suicide is a solution to temporary problems'', your childhood is a permanent part of yourself, if you had a bad one it's forever carved in your brain and it still stings to me to this day when i remember the things that were done or happened to me, i was shown no love from my parents i used to get beaten up by both my mother and father from the age of 6 to 15, when i entered my late teens they told me ''you're grown now we can't hit you it will be embarrassing''. I don't come from a poor family either it's just that i happened to be born into a family of piece of shits. I never cared for the money or the dinners they got me after abusing me, my siblings have never cared about me either in fact they got more love than i ever did.

School was the worst place, it felt like hell i was bullied and targeted by my classmates even boys from the upper grades even jumped or others trying to fight me and slap me.
The worst experience which i am still ashamed about is when i was groped and sexually assaulted by my classmates they used to make sexual comments about my body as well, i rarely tell people this because as a man i always felt like it threatened my masculinity i got stomped really hard in the face one time you can think of all abuses that can happen to a child and most of it has probably happened to me.

In the neighborhood or the playgrounds, other boys wouldn't even play with me, some girls who felt bad for me because of that used to play with me and i still remember each of them, they've moved on their lives all grown up they don't remember me but i will always remember them.

For me this is not a temporary problem, it is permanent trauma and damage that i can only tell anonymously it's ruined my whole life, it sucks and hurts to be alive i wanted to get revenge on every single one of them but it's too late for that now. I've grown into a very hateful miserable person because of this and i will forever despise whoever tells me that i can still cope through it or improve myself because what's happened is what happened and i can't & couldn't do anything about it.

I just wanted to get this off my chest, thank you if you read this,

 

[youremy]

I agree with you, what we go through as kids sticks around in our heads really hard. Supposedly therapy can help undo a lot of it, but those memories still form the base of what we consider to be "ourselves".

I can relate to the taking revenge part. I even took that into account when making my career choices. Ultimately, those who bullied me turned out better than I did.

The worse part for me is realizing I actually deserved the bullying. I was just a messed up kid.

 

[Rick&Morty1]

You're absolutely right about this childhood is the one period that leaves the most indelible marks on you forever, which will effect a person for the rest of their lives and definitely cripple them for a long time if they endured much trauma, but one thing's for sure you are one hella tough fucking SOB for living through what you lived through and have endured you're more of a man then any of these pieces of shit that acted on u that way and it is a testament of courage that you have stayed fundamentally a good person that doesn't mean you can't be angry cuz you have every freaking right to be also don't forget that you're not alone most of us who are on this forum ended up on it because life is strikingly unfair to nice ppl

 

[themisfit]

I agree with you, what we go through as kids sticks around in our heads really hard. Supposedly therapy can help undo a lot of it, but those memories still form the base of what we consider to be "ourselves".

I can relate to the taking revenge part. I even took that into account when making my career choices. Ultimately, those who bullied me turned out better than I did.

The worse part for me is realizing I actually deserved the bullying. I was just a messed up kid.

Yes, that's the worst thing about bullying. It makes us believe that it was our fault, that we deserved it

I was also abused as a child. They used to say I was a needy kid. I grew up to believe I was weak, naughty

I believed I deserved that treatment

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Childhood is everything because those are the important years that your brain is forming all its neural connections. Childhood trauma can cause all kinds of mental health issues. Most importantly growing up not feeling safe and loved.
I was a child in the 70's-80's. My parents were very mean and back then it was perfectly fine to hit your kids and whip them with a belt. This happened to me and my siblings often. I was very fearful of my parents. I was bullied in school a little bit too and sometimes was afraid to walk home from school as kids would hide in bushes to beat you up. Also, on a couple of occasions when I though I was amongst friends, my pants got pulled down in front of everyone. I don't know how old you are but the brain isn't fully formed until 25 years old. So if you are younger I would advise some therapy ASAP. I moved out when I was 18 because I hated my parents so much. I didn't get therapy and heavily drank from 18-25, which probably fucked me up even more.

 

[peacebenow]

Your childhood shapes who you are. Childhood trauma impacts you long term.

 

[Aknu132]

Having a miserable childhood and having bad parents. The two are usually intertwined. Those of us who had the misfortune of going through this shit seem to have no chance of recovery. I feel sorry for everyone who had a bad childhood, I feel sorry for myself too, but death will help me, I hope.

 

[rosynov2]

Having a miserable childhood and having bad parents. The two are usually intertwined. Those of us who had the misfortune of going through this shit seem to have no chance of recovery. I feel sorry for everyone who had a bad childhood, I feel sorry for myself too, but death will help me, I hope.

no chance of recovering? really ?

 

[Aknu132]

no chance of recovering? really ?

At least for me it's over, i don't wanna get hurt more.

 

[yawasimas]

I keep thinking if I could say something that would change the way you see yourself right now... For me (and probably for anyone else that you'll eventually meet), you are a person completely capable of love and care. For all of those who hurt you in the past, there's no need to put the weight of trying to be better than they once were. Whether they remember your name, or the things they did to you, for those who've never seen you before, being this honest could be handy at some point, but I'm sure no one will be there for that. So you can start over again! You could start right where you left off when you sent this post. Why is something from years ago still stuck on your mind?

Now, I'm so sorry something that awful happened to you. No one should be beaten by their parents at such a young age and treated like shit by their family or children who share the same spaces you went to. You might've been scared then and had no one to talk to about all of this, and if I had witnessed you going through it personally, I might've been scared to help you. I wouldn't know what to say, though I'm so glad you opened up

 

[Soumatou]

"I am the sum total of everything that went before me, of all I have been seen done, of everything done-to-me. I am everyone everything whose being-in-the-world affected was affected by mine. I am anything that happens after I've gone which would not have happened if I had not come. Nor am I particularly exceptional in this matter"
- Salman Rushdie, Midnight's Children

 

[AnxiousLife]

Yes, I agree, it is the most important phase in our lives.

Bad childhood is something, that may completely change ones life, and it in most cases isn't something fixable, I would say. It's so fucked up.
I have similar experience, very bad childhood.

"Suicide is a solution to temporary problems", this is often such a lie, in my opinion.

My parents were also buying me things, as they aren't poor, but as you say, I also never cared about it. How can they abuse me and then just buy me something and act like nothing happened? NOTHING HAPPENED? Fucking pieces of shit.

School experience is also something that is also important in my opinion, many years with the same people and if they end up bullying you throughout it, it may leave a scar as well. I was bullied and exploited for money, so they can buy something for themselves, and act better towards me for a while and then the same thing again repeatedly.

Sexual assault is horrible, especially as a boy/man, as no one may believe you, or more commonly you won't even tell anyone as it may feel embarassing or as if you have to deal with it as a man and not cry about it and similar fucking BS from some monkey brain normies.

I also remember people who stood up for me, or was there for me, even just a little in school, it's something that stays with you, I'm thankful to them.

I hope you get better somehow, if it's something you are looking for. This world can be so cruel.. some people even more

 

[youremy]

Yes, that's the worst thing about bullying. It makes us believe that it was our fault, that we deserved it

I was also abused as a child. They used to say I was a needy kid. I grew up to believe I was weak, naughty

I believed I deserved that treatment

I was just part of the got-bullied, became-a-bully pipeline.