Venting Checked in on old friends' Facebook after years

[VKVK]

Suifuel. They're living their lives and I'm a miserable, depressed and suicidal college drop-out who can't study for shit anymore. I'm old, and haven't done anything with my life. I was weak and life wrecked me into the corner, again and again.

Thinking back now, I think I lost my will to fight and "internal light" (or hope, as some of you call it) when I was a preteen still with all the family, social and school issues so it was to be expected I'd turn out like this. It just kills me (hah) how close I actually got to making it all work and maybe even leaving my shit home country. I got so close but was so far. I think I never had a true chance to begin. Luck and conditions in life, especially mental ones, are set in stone. And I couldn't make any of it work and that's just it.

I need to go to the hospital for emergency reasons unrelated to CTB but I just feel like sitting in my computer chair and starting the latter procedure myself already. I feel truly worthless, and like I can't and couldn't do anything different. I knew I was different from everyone else throughout all my life but, I never expected it to come to a brutal end like this in such a sad, realistic and depressing manner. It's over.

 

[Hope:-)]

I feel the same when I check facebook. I took the most subjects and got the highest grades in my school yet I don't even have a degree and haven't worked for years, Old friends have husbands, babies, great jobs, Honestly, checking facebook is the worst.

 

[FuneralCry]

Social media doesn't always reflect the reality of peoples lives and in my opinion it's best to stay away from that, but I can imagine that it must be hard hearing about those who live better lives. It sounds like you have suffered a lot in life, life really is just too cruel and unfair. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Best wishes.

 

[Rational man]

Social media is full of people at parties, on holiday and drinking cocktails at the pool. You don't see pictures of people cleaning out the bathroom or arguing with the partner. No it s pretending and bragging that life is blessed.

 

[Un-]

You sound a lot like me. It sounds like I'm younger than you. It terrifies me how much I see myself in what you've written - down to your word choice.

I'm not sure if it'll help, but it helps me.. Whenever I feel really, really depressed, that my life matters none. It helps me because it tells me that how I'm feeling will eventually end one day. I'll die one day. Unfortunately, that's the only hope I have. That I'll die.

It feels like one of those scenarios.. If you could talk to your future self.. I never did think my future self would have anything positive to say. I don't look fondly about living. I don't have any career in passionate about. I don't have any friends. No one that I love. I'll end up just like the many soulless miserables on this forum. I know I will.

Life's beauty is not for mine to behold. I'm sorry friend. There's nothing worse than your best life accomplishments being other people's life's low-points. Sure, social media only shows the best of people's lives.. But what does that tell you, if people like you and I can't even post anything? We don't have a "best".. Just sadness..

 

[want2dienow]

Social media doesn't always reflect the reality of peoples lives

I attest this. I know first hand when I first met and was true; and now you see why e'smine.

 

[Jrmull1993]

Social media doesn't always reflect the reality of peoples lives and in my opinion it's best to stay away from that, but I can imagine that it must be hard hearing about those who live better lives. It sounds like you have suffered a lot in life, life really is just too cruel and unfair. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Best wishes.

Couldn't agree more. Facebook ought to be called Fakebook.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I have a mortal terror of looking at Facebook or Instagram at this point

 

[Ligottian]

I have never even been tempted to get on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or any other SM out there.

 

[Rational man]

You sound a lot like me. It sounds like I'm younger than you. It terrifies me how much I see myself in what you've written - down to your word choice.

I'm not sure if it'll help, but it helps me.. Whenever I feel really, really depressed, that my life matters none. It helps me because it tells me that how I'm feeling will eventually end one day. I'll die one day. Unfortunately, that's the only hope I have. That I'll die.

It feels like one of those scenarios.. If you could talk to your future self.. I never did think my future self would have anything positive to say. I don't look fondly about living. I don't have any career in passionate about. I don't have any friends. No one that I love. I'll end up just like the many soulless miserables on this forum. I know I will.

Life's beauty is not for mine to behold. I'm sorry friend. There's nothing worse than your best life accomplishments being other people's life's low-points. Sure, social media only shows the best of people's lives.. But what does that tell you, if people like you and I can't even post anything? We don't have a "best".. Just sadness..

You have a profound gift of expressing feelings in words. ❤