Check- In How are you feeling 1-10?

[MapleS]

I've ate sweet. Not not feeling well. To much screen but drew fish. too loud. met friend
thoght about bad things. not wanna die. sad

4/10

 

[wantingdignity]

Feel free to rate how you're doing from 1-10 and/or give few sentences. Either one is fine too. Try to avoid responding as this is meant to be more of a vent thread. Reactions are welcomed.

1. I honestly want to say lower too. Fuck everything honestly.

 

[telekon]

2. I had a pretty good day today being a vegetable but I have not left my bed and now I'm hungry.

 

[spero_meliora]

about a 3.... not my lowest. but not really okay, either.

 

[Irisse]

Today was a good day, I'd say 8/9.

 

[Night_Crew]

5

 

[RCantCope]

Maybe feeling a 1-2 right now I guess. I saw today that someone I'm scared of works in a local store of my town, so thats great… gonna have to add that to the very long list of places I am feared to go now.

 

[Sewing]

4
I self harmed and it made the dissociation go away.

 

[Teary01]

3, everything feels hopeless today

 

[itsgone2]

1. Would love to be gone.

 

[grandmotherboxing]

Solid 6, the tears dried up, I had a nap and a gyro wrap, might play with a passion project a little

 

[thegreatminderaser]

hard to say. maybe 2 or 3. i'm functional and getting ready for work but i want nothing more in the world than to stay home and bedrot the whole day

 

[Grog]

A 5. I never went to sleep last night. It's almost 10 AM now. I feel meh. Not good, but not bad. Just here...

 

[Sewing]

2
And it's for such a dumb reason, too. I just feel like no matter what I do, or how I improve, how careful I am, life is constantly getting worse.
Everyone around me wants to die. I can't help them. I know one person who isn't depressed and it infuriates me. They have a life worth living, I don't. I'm wasting time.

 

[shigure]

3

I'm still hopeless and seclusive. Every day is starting to blur together, too. It's not getting worse or better... but I guess I'd rather not have to deal with living.
I want to stay asleep forever.

 

[AnxiousLife]

2/2,5

one of the lowest points in my life (though not the lowest). Depressed, anxious, ill, but trying to survive

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

On top of everything else - like neurodivergence and unemployment - I found out I have a heart condition.

I'm waiting to hear from the doctor on next steps but it's just thrown me into a depression. It will be a lifelong thing, and there's no treatment for it other than surgery, which is unknown when I'll need it. The medications I can take can ironically make another physical condition worse. I feel like I have a ticking time bomb in my chest. I was grabbing groceries wondering how bizarre it is to now wonder when it will happen - that I'll just be standing one moment, dead the next. (I'm carefully adding more joyful food because f**k everything now). I already have dull chest pain (which is a symptom of the condition). While it's not an immediate threat, my symptoms (including bad sleep) ramped up. So yes, let's ramp up the stress - why not.

I haven't told anyone in my life - I don't have a lot of people, so that helps. It has me resolved on how important it is that I get rid of my belongings, minimize job search and really just focus on finding ONE friend in this city before I move. I love that I'm distancing myself from everyone in my life because they haven't been helpful with health conditions before, and they certainly won't now that it involves a heart condition. I think at some point in the new year just purging all social media so I stay focused on a few communities like this one. People I depended on have left me on read. It's good - no guilt on leaving now, I'm already a ghost to them. I don't even know how any of them would even hear if I keeled over :D. I love that I have a 'normal' life (looking or work) and then a secret life that involves erasing my existence, and CTB being the ultimate power move. This site is a source of joy to me. Thankful in my resolve.

Ironically not thinking about CTB the same way because yippee, no logistics to source! Mother Nature showed up for me anyway. Funny how Karma works!

 

[Sewing]

3
Yesterday I kept forcing myself to sleep for hours and hours because I didn't want to be awake and now today I cant fucking sleep

 

[FadingSnowFake]

3-4. I'm so confused I don't even know anymore, but it's less than 5.

 

[Grog]

2/10. I'm so close to killing myself. I think it's going to be time, soon.