Change of plans?

[NodusTollens]

Fuuuuuck. (Excuse the following, I wrote it as it came to me)

My mother's in the hospital & it's serious.

She & I are not close, we have been distant for years & recently estranged over the last few years. But my dad... fuuuck. What is happening? I wanted to CTB today & now I'm unbearably torn. He called before Christmas trying to see if I wanted to talk to her.

She's the reason we're estranged in the first place. Ugh! I feel like I can't breathe.

This is probably the most selfish thought that I harbour. She caused so much torment in my life. Gah! I'm mad & yet I can't stop crying.

 

[WornOutLife]

That sounds really tough.
I hope you can be strong during this storm.

Send you lots of love and hugs and hope things get better!

 

[NodusTollens]

@WornOutLife

But I don't want to be strong & weather the storm. I've spent the last week organizing my affairs & writings my notes, cleaning my apartment, packing my stuff... if not for my neighbor's erratic sleep schedule... I would have taken a stat dose of SN.

 

[SITEFAN]

Can't tell you what to do or what not to do but hope you do what works out best for you

 

[NodusTollens]

I didn't care about anything else, I just wanted everything to be over. So why do I care now? I haven't stopped crying since I found out & now I feel guilty for the thoughts I'm having.