Certainly can't post this shit on Facebook

[Deathcabforugly]

So I got my SN in the mail the other day. My suicide kit is coming along now with Olanzipine and SN so far. Still need to research drug interactions with the meds I'm on and create a scheduled protocol for how to pull this off. It's kind of a weird feeling to think about ctbing, it's a mix of grief, sadness, guilt yet relief. I am not really expecting any replies to this post, but I needed to post somewhere and I certainly can't post this shit on Facebook. Hang in there my friends or don't, I'm not even sure anymore lol.

 

[theguineapigking]

Congrats on obtaining the resources to a peaceful method.

I can definitely understand those emotions. I have all of those. I also feel excited and cheerful when I contemplate taking my sn. I also feel conflicted though, because of my parents and siblings.

Are you sure that you want to die? Have you sought any kind of help? I do ask that you please be of sound mind if you decide to go through with it. Some people do panic and call emergency services after taking sn. I don't want you to go through an unnecessary hospital visit. This isn't a preach for life in any way. I just want you to be sure that it's what's best for you.



Best wishes in the meantime :)

 

[Deathcabforugly]

Cool. Thank you for that. It's weird because I find comfort in having my kit complete soon and having a scheduled protocol ready, without a certain day in mind or anything. As far as being of sound mind, I don't think I even know what that looks like anymore. Being mentally ill, my mood and perception shift constantly all day long. I go from Euphoria to udder despair within hours. But thanks for the response, I really DO appreciate it

 

[theguineapigking]

Cool. Thank you for that. It's weird because I find comfort in having my kit complete soon and having a scheduled protocol ready, without a certain day in mind or anything. As far as being of sound mind, I don't think I even know what that looks like anymore. Being mentally ill, my mood and perception shift constantly all day long. I go from Euphoria to udder despair within hours. But thanks for the response, I really DO appreciate it

Hey. No problem at all. That's what this community is for! It's all about being here for one another!

Do you have bipolar mood swings? (I used to really bad, so I can understand. Now I mostly just have anger issues.) Have you tried meds, such as Zoloft? Some people find them helpful. I know meds are overrated many times. But they can help some people.

 

[Deathcabforugly]

My therapist doesn't know what to make of my diagnosis. There's a possible bipolar rapid cycling element or maybe it's BPD with some other Cluster B features. There's definitely SOMETHING though and a definite chemical imbalance. She also thinks I have an element of split personality due to my severe compartmentalizing of my emotions. I am heavily medicated though I talk to my doctor in ten days and I'm going to ask about being put on Vraylar specifically to help with the extreme shifts that I experience.

 

[ssaaahmo]

I hope whatever you choose to do helps you.