CaramelAppleStars
Deity Someplace Else
- Oct 13, 2025
- 29
I should've never come out to my family. This was the worst mistake of my life. I was SO certain I'd have support, but everything fucking sucks in this world.
As I sit here shaking in tears after yet another manipulation attempt by my so called "mother." As the fear of dying that I didn't have to face much before now sets in. As I try not to think of all the good things that MIGHT be ahead of me if I keep going. At the ripe age of 18; I am more certain than ever that I need to die.
I am not cut out for this world. I figured that out during the pandemic. At the age of 13 I already knew it. Maybe even before that when I first considered taking a knife to my neck, or throwing myself out a moving car at 8. I only wish that I did it the very first time I considered it so there wouldn't be the complications of friends and things I would miss. That I would feel bad leaving behind.
To think that maybe just living a little and seeing the outcome was something I considered just a few weeks ago. I'm so fucking stupid. I need a rope, I need courage, I need to leave before it gets worse because it keeps getting worse every time I let my guard down.
I can't act hastily or someone will stop me, but if I don't go soon I might start considering living. I'm so tired, I'm so fucking tired.
I'm probably conveying what I feel right now like shit because of this anxiety
As I sit here shaking in tears after yet another manipulation attempt by my so called "mother." As the fear of dying that I didn't have to face much before now sets in. As I try not to think of all the good things that MIGHT be ahead of me if I keep going. At the ripe age of 18; I am more certain than ever that I need to die.
I am not cut out for this world. I figured that out during the pandemic. At the age of 13 I already knew it. Maybe even before that when I first considered taking a knife to my neck, or throwing myself out a moving car at 8. I only wish that I did it the very first time I considered it so there wouldn't be the complications of friends and things I would miss. That I would feel bad leaving behind.
To think that maybe just living a little and seeing the outcome was something I considered just a few weeks ago. I'm so fucking stupid. I need a rope, I need courage, I need to leave before it gets worse because it keeps getting worse every time I let my guard down.
I can't act hastily or someone will stop me, but if I don't go soon I might start considering living. I'm so tired, I'm so fucking tired.
I'm probably conveying what I feel right now like shit because of this anxiety
