Caught him today

[vodolazkiy12]

Caught my man of 7 years again cheating. Of course it was my fault when I confronted him and he had nothing to say. I threw him out. Called off work. Disabled my FB profile. My arm looks like it went through a shredder. Haven't done that in awhile. I need a very quick way to ctb before tomorrow. I've got rope and money to get a grill but I've ran out of time. I wish i was good enough. I never will be. I wasn't meant for thia life.

 

[Largeletters]

I'm so sorry he cheated on you... please know that it is not your fault. What you're going through sounds horrible. I wish there was more I could say.

 

[vodolazkiy12]

I'm so sorry he cheated on you... please know that it is not your fault. What you're going through sounds horrible. I wish there was more I could say.

And he told me it was my fault. I'm psychotic and can't be trusted because I knew and checked his phone. And the things he tells them...it tore me apart...he could see how tore apart I am...but it's still my fault. It's always been my fault. If I'm so insignificant to everyone, if you can do that, and then say it's my fault for going through your private messages. I don't want to live in a life like this. This has been so long coming and now I want to make them hurt like I hurt. To break his heart like he broke mine. Wedding is off obviously. I just need someone to talk to. I tried to talk to my best friend but I'm being ignored...again. I know I shouldn't drink, it'll make it worse. But I'm waiting for the sun to go down to proceed. I think if i go pick up some sleep aids and make the noose maybe hopefully it'll be enough. Sorry if my reply is all over the place. I think I've had a breakdown

 

[Flippy]

I'm really sorry that they've done this to you! :-( It sounds like you are having the worst time imaginable and I can only imagine what you have been going through :-( Please know that there are lots of people here willing to talk and won't judge you!

I'm sure that none of this is your fault, you had every right to know the truth!

 

[Journeytoletgo]

That must be devastating. I am so sorry you're experiencing this. Just know his actions aren't a reflection of you and that it has more to do with him and his character as a person. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I wish you peace no matter your decision

 

[FuneralCry]

People can be so cruel and can cause us so much pain. I'm sorry this has happened to you, it sounds really awful. I wish you well.

 

[Pure]

I'm so sorry your partner was that awful. It's not your fault at all. Don't do anything drastic before letting some time pass

 

[theresonlyonewayout]

Sounds like he is projecting his anger onto you. He is angry he has been caught out and is blaming you for going through his messages to deflect. The main issue is the cheating imo. The nasty shit he is saying is to allow him to get away with it. I recognise it - because I lived a similar experience.

In my humble opinion - the best way to 'make them hurt like I hurt' is to walk away like he means nothing to you and don't look back. Now is definitely not the time to CTB. That's something to do for you - not because of him.

Just my opinion tho, you don't have to listen and it'll probably make you angry to hear the above but fuck you aren't to blame, he made his choices.

 

[Largeletters]

And he told me it was my fault. I'm psychotic and can't be trusted because I knew and checked his phone. And the things he tells them...it tore me apart...he could see how tore apart I am...but it's still my fault. It's always been my fault. If I'm so insignificant to everyone, if you can do that, and then say it's my fault for going through your private messages. I don't want to live in a life like this. This has been so long coming and now I want to make them hurt like I hurt. To break his heart like he broke mine. Wedding is off obviously. I just need someone to talk to. I tried to talk to my best friend but I'm being ignored...again. I know I shouldn't drink, it'll make it worse. But I'm waiting for the sun to go down to proceed. I think if i go pick up some sleep aids and make the noose maybe hopefully it'll be enough. Sorry if my reply is all over the place. I think I've had a breakdown

He chose to cheat. You did not choose your mental illnesses. Anyone who says things like that to you, that it's your fault, are assholes. It's not your fault. I think it's human nature to want to hurt others the way they have hurt us... we are, pretty much naturally vengeful, especially when an event is fresh and we haven't processed it. Not many people can walk away from a hurtful situation caused by someone else and not want revenge.

I'm sorry this happened. I'm here to PM if you need it.

 

[Flippy]

Hey Vodolazkiy12, we are here to talk, please don't rush into anything. Let us know how you are doing if you can?

Sorry posted wrong name earlier, not sure how I managed that!

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Sounds really stressful. I didn't catch it

He chose to cheat. You did not choose your mental illnesses. Anyone who says things like that to you, that it's your fault, are assholes. It's not your fault. I think it's human nature to want to hurt others the way they have hurt us... we are, pretty much naturally vengeful, especially when an event is fresh and we haven't processed it. Not many people can walk away from a hurtful situation caused by someone else and not want revenge.

I'm sorry this happened. I'm here to PM if you need it.

Did she say she has a mental illness? My personal take is if one's life sucks they feel fucking bad....No disorder.

 

[SelmaJezkova10]

And he told me it was my fault. I'm psychotic and can't be trusted because I knew and checked his phone. And the things he tells them...it tore me apart...he could see how tore apart I am...but it's still my fault. It's always been my fault. If I'm so insignificant to everyone, if you can do that, and then say it's my fault for going through your private messages. I don't want to live in a life like this. This has been so long coming and now I want to make them hurt like I hurt. To break his heart like he broke mine. Wedding is off obviously. I just need someone to talk to. I tried to talk to my best friend but I'm being ignored...again. I know I shouldn't drink, it'll make it worse. But I'm waiting for the sun to go down to proceed. I think if i go pick up some sleep aids and make the noose maybe hopefully it'll be enough. Sorry if my reply is all over the place. I think I've had a breakdown

I'm really sorry for what happened, it's not your fault. Here I am if you want to talk. Please think about it and try to take it easy these days.

 

[OceanBlue]

He's gaslighting you, it will take some time to recover, I hope you can find a way to end this relationship.
Sorry, but he does not respect nor care about you, he's just not worth it.

 

[Boochky]

Hey sweetie, I'm going through something similar and I also go through the phone because, fuck it, if I'm going to be homeless I need a heads up.

I've read the hurtful stuff too and I totally know how it feels. It's just devastating.

That said, I think you should wait if you can, if for no other reason than to avoid a mistake.

We're here for you.

 

[nihilism44]

Caught my man of 7 years again cheating. Of course it was my fault when I confronted him and he had nothing to say. I threw him out. Called off work. Disabled my FB profile. My arm looks like it went through a shredder. Haven't done that in awhile. I need a very quick way to ctb before tomorrow. I've got rope and money to get a grill but I've ran out of time. I wish i was good enough. I never will be. I wasn't meant for thia life.

I just caught my s/o of 5 years cheating a couple days ago.. I'm going through the worst of it right now. If you need anyone to talk to and relate to I would love to help. <3

 

[Largeletters]

Sounds really stressful. I didn't catch it

Did she say she has a mental illness? My personal take is if one's life sucks they feel fucking bad....No disorder.

No, but she said this, which made me attribute it to a mental illness. I didn't mean it to be insensitive, my apologies. But yes I agree with you.

I'm psychotic

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

No, but she said this, which made me attribute it to a mental illness. I didn't mean it to be insensitive, my apologies. But yes I agree with

No, but she said this, which made me attribute it to a mental illness. I didn't mean it to be insensitive, my apologies. But yes I agree with y

Caught my man of 7 years again cheating. Of course it was my fault when I confronted him and he had nothing to say. I threw him out. Called off work. Disabled my FB profile. My arm looks like it went through a shredder. Haven't done that in awhile. I need a very quick way to ctb before tomorrow. I've got rope and money to get a grill but I've ran out of time. I wish i was good enough. I never will be. I wasn't meant for thia life.

Are you alive? If so you must be pissed.

 

[Meditation guide]

Caught my man of 7 years again cheating. Of course it was my fault when I confronted him and he had nothing to say. I threw him out. Called off work. Disabled my FB profile. My arm looks like it went through a shredder. Haven't done that in awhile. I need a very quick way to ctb before tomorrow. I've got rope and money to get a grill but I've ran out of time. I wish i was good enough. I never will be. I wasn't meant for thia life.

Anyone who makes you feel that bad needs to be left and never spoken to again. No need to take your life over his actions, just turn your back and walk away permanently from him. Take back your independence. He clearly is not your man so don't be his woman.

Telling you it's your fault he cheated on you is called "gaslighting". He is warping your view of reality and yourself, playing mind games.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

What! That ... deserve your death!
You did good by throwing him out!
He does not deserve you!

 

[vodolazkiy12]

Hey Vodolazkiy12, we are here to talk, please don't rush into anything. Let us know how you are doing if you can?

Sorry posted wrong name earlier, not sure how I managed that!

Sorry, I've been out drinking a lot lately and not really eating so I've been very tired and sleeping a lot when not at work or the bar. I did self harm and now have to wear long sleeves outside to hide my shame. Also, for those wondering, other than anxiety, I don't have mental illness that I am aware of. So it's not caused by my brain, it's caused by life. Thank you to all of you for your kind words. He did make me feel like it was me every time he did something. I have no interest in him, it's just the lingering pain. We used to be married then I caught him a year in and threw him out before. Leopard doesn't change it's spots. I've just been mentally and emotionally exhausted to even get online and reply to people. I shut down all my social media except for here. Trying to remove everything that reminds me of him. May also have to move.

He chose to cheat. You did not choose your mental illnesses. Anyone who says things like that to you, that it's your fault, are assholes. It's not your fault. I think it's human nature to want to hurt others the way they have hurt us... we are, pretty much naturally vengeful, especially when an event is fresh and we haven't processed it. Not many people can walk away from a hurtful situation caused by someone else and not want revenge.

I'm sorry this happened. I'm here to PM if you need it.

Thank you, it means so much to have the support on here when I don't have anyone else.

No, but she said this, which made me attribute it to a mental illness. I didn't mean it to be insensitive, my apologies. But yes I agree with you.

I don't have a disorder.

I just caught my s/o of 5 years cheating a couple days ago.. I'm going through the worst of it right now. If you need anyone to talk to and relate to I would love to help. <3

Thank you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this as well. It's one of the worst feelings in the world

Hey sweetie, I'm going through something similar and I also go through the phone because, fuck it, if I'm going to be homeless I need a heads up.

I've read the hurtful stuff too and I totally know how it feels. It's just devastating.

That said, I think you should wait if you can, if for no other reason than to avoid a mistake.

We're here for you.

I decided to do a lot more research because i don't want to mess this up, i want it to work. People are shit and I'm sorry he was the same way. I felt bad at first for going through his phone, but 7 years so Ik the signs

He's gaslighting you, it will take some time to recover, I hope you can find a way to end this relationship.
Sorry, but he does not respect nor care about you, he's just not worth it.

He cares for no one but himself. I was a hot mess and sobbing my eyes out and he said he had nothing to say..at first anyhow, which is why my FB is gone.

 

[Flippy]

Sorry, I've been out drinking a lot lately and not really eating so I've been very tired and sleeping a lot when not at work or the bar. I did self harm and now have to wear long sleeves outside to hide my shame. Also, for those wondering, other than anxiety, I don't have mental illness that I am aware of. So it's not caused by my brain, it's caused by life. Thank you to all of you for your kind words. He did make me feel like it was me every time he did something. I have no interest in him, it's just the lingering pain. We used to be married then I caught him a year in and threw him out before. Leopard doesn't change it's spots. I've just been mentally and emotionally exhausted to even get online and reply to people. I shut down all my social media except for here. Trying to remove everything that reminds me of him. May also have to move.

Thank you, it means so much to have the support on here when I don't have anyone else.

I don't have a disorder.

Thank you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this as well. It's one of the worst feelings in the world

I decided to do a lot more research because i don't want to mess this up, i want it to work. People are shit and I'm sorry he was the same way. I felt bad at first for going through his phone, but 7 years so Ik the signs

He cares for no one but himself. I was a hot mess and sobbing my eyes out and he said he had nothing to say..at first anyhow, which is why my FB is gone.

Hey Vodolazkiy12! Good to see you posting again! It's sounds like you've been through the wringer these last few days and it's no surprise to feel emotionally decimated after learning of such things. You need to deal with this in the way you feel most appropriate. So do what you need to vent the emotion but please be kind to yourself. None of this is your fault!

This is a safe space so feel free to vent and let off some steam! A lot of us have experienced similar issues to some degree so you are in good company. I'm sure there are many people who can sympathise and empathise with what you are going though.

I hope you are at least feeling a little better than yesterday and you will feel at least a little better again tomorrow!

 

[vodolazkiy12]

Hey Vodolazkiy12! Good to see you posting again! It's sounds like you've been through the wringer these last few days and it's no surprise to feel emotionally decimated after learning of such things. You need to deal with this in the way you feel most appropriate. So do what you need to vent the emotion but please be kind to yourself. None of this is your fault!

This is a safe space so feel free to vent and let off some steam! A lot of us have experienced similar issues to some degree so you are in good company. I'm sure there are many people who can sympathise and empathise with what you are going though.

I hope you are at least feeling a little better than yesterday and you will feel at least a little better again tomorrow!

It has been quite a trip, drinking and going to bars is something I don't normally do, I'm more a home body, but I couldn't sit at home alone with my thoughts anymore. I feel ok I guess. Just trying to forget now and move on, but not sure how yet, so drinking, sleeping and work mainly. I feel more safe here and like I can speak freely without getting all the comments and looks irl from people that i do. I feel...not sure at this point, but hope that I forget soon and can move on freely once I figure out how that works

 

[Celerity]

It has been quite a trip, drinking and going to bars is something I don't normally do, I'm more a home body, but I couldn't sit at home alone with my thoughts anymore. I feel ok I guess. Just trying to forget now and move on, but not sure how yet, so drinking, sleeping and work mainly. I feel more safe here and like I can speak freely without getting all the comments and looks irl from people that i do. I feel...not sure at this point, but hope that I forget soon and can move on freely once I figure out how that works

Be careful. Do you have anybody you can trust?

 

[vodolazkiy12]

Be careful. Do you have anybody you can trust?

Not really, just kinda here by myself

 

[Celerity]

Not really, just kinda here by myself

So nobody knows you're at the bar alone?

 

[Flippy]

It has been quite a trip, drinking and going to bars is something I don't normally do, I'm more a home body, but I couldn't sit at home alone with my thoughts anymore. I feel ok I guess. Just trying to forget now and move on, but not sure how yet, so drinking, sleeping and work mainly. I feel more safe here and like I can speak freely without getting all the comments and looks irl from people that i do. I feel...not sure at this point, but hope that I forget soon and can move on freely once I figure out how that works

I guess you just have to go with what feels right for the moment! I certainly did my fair share of bar hopping and probably some over indulgence when I had experienced similar circumstances.

The only wisdom I could potentially pass on is to try to do what you need to do to get through the initial healing phase, (the bit where your emotions feel the most raw) as safely as possible. Sometimes when we are in a vulnerable state we can run into people who might want to take advantage.

If you need to let off steam I would maybe unburden yourself from that here (especially if you feel safe here!), then go out, have fun if that's what you want to do. Having bottled up stuff when mixed with stuff like alcohol can (and this has been my experience) lead to a need to try and drown it out with more than you are used to. You say you prefer being at home, I'm probably the same, so bars may not be an environment you feel super comfortable in. In my case this probably lead to more alcohol consumption to give myself some confidence. This probably just made me feel worse the next day :-/

I hope what I've been saying makes some sense and doesn't seem preachy. I think you basically shouldn't be judged for how you cope with this. Just stay safe on your journey to figuring this out :-)

 

[vodolazkiy12]

So nobody knows you're at the bar alone?

No, there would be no point in telling anyone. They ignore me anyhow so I didn't see the point in sending them anything.

 

[Celerity]

No, there would be no point in telling anyone. They ignore me anyhow so I didn't see the point in sending them anything.

Just be careful. I assume you are a woman. I apologize if that's mistaken. That said, even a man grieving and alone and wasted in a strange place is an easy target for trouble. I hope you are safe.

 

[Largeletters]

Sorry, I've been out drinking a lot lately and not really eating so I've been very tired and sleeping a lot when not at work or the bar. I did self harm and now have to wear long sleeves outside to hide my shame. Also, for those wondering, other than anxiety, I don't have mental illness that I am aware of. So it's not caused by my brain, it's caused by life. Thank you to all of you for your kind words. He did make me feel like it was me every time he did something. I have no interest in him, it's just the lingering pain. We used to be married then I caught him a year in and threw him out before. Leopard doesn't change it's spots. I've just been mentally and emotionally exhausted to even get online and reply to people. I shut down all my social media except for here. Trying to remove everything that reminds me of him. May also have to move.

Thank you, it means so much to have the support on here when I don't have anyone else.

I don't have a disorder.

Thank you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this as well. It's one of the worst feelings in the world

I decided to do a lot more research because i don't want to mess this up, i want it to work. People are shit and I'm sorry he was the same way. I felt bad at first for going through his phone, but 7 years so Ik the signs

He cares for no one but himself. I was a hot mess and sobbing my eyes out and he said he had nothing to say..at first anyhow, which is why my FB is gone.

I'm sorry I assumed, I hope you're doing as okay as you can be in your circumstances

 

[vodolazkiy12]

Just be careful. I assume you are a woman. I apologize if that's mistaken. That said, even a man grieving and alone and wasted in a strange place is an easy target for trouble. I hope you are safe.

No, you are correct. When things like that happen I typically go home