Venting cant stop thinking about ctb

[kosameAmagai]

its been like this for years now, i wake up wishing that i wasn't here, i spend my day locked in my room daydreaming and drowning in suicidal thoughts, and i go to sleep wishing that i dont wake up next day ... i just wish i could feel pleasure in something, nothing that i do gives me any ease, i just think about killing myself every hour or so, i wish there was an way to change but i dont think i ever will, i have switched between all kind of antidepressants that exist out there i really cant see a brigther light or an way that the future me will be happy and its not like i have someone that loves me or anything, i dont have any friends and i barely leave my room, only my family(not even 100%sure)+ dog cares about me, i really dont know why i havent ctb yet guess i just dont have the guts, i keep wondering if i will be alive next year or no, what should i do ? ... im so lost i wish i could just disappear forever

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. Ctb is always on my mind as well, I have never wanted to live. I know that this life can be unbearable when everything is so hopeless. I wish there was a way to fall asleep and never wake without having to go through the process of ctb. I wish you the best in whatever happens, I hope you find relief from your pain.

 

[wellherewego]

I'm the same since about four months. I think about it every minute of every day. It's absolute torture. maybe four months isn't long compared to some but I honestly don't know how much longer I can take this

 

[Graytaichi]

Take valium ,it helps

 

[kosameAmagai]

Take valium ,it helps

i take like 4mg of xanax /day i have an pretty high resistance already