Venting can't keep stable relationships but i hate being alone

[emptywings]

i don't think i'm the only one who does everything possible to end up alone. like, i avoid talking to people, i avoid even trying to seem friendly, i completely isolate myself in public, and i don't really like talking more than i have to. i talk just enough. i'm super careful about what i say cuz i don't wanna trust anyone. but at the end of the day, i'm still alone. i literally do this to myself.


it's not that i miss having friends, i miss having someone i could actually trust like i did back in elementary school. i'm still pretty young, i dropped out of college cuz of my mental health, and maybe i should think about going back, but i know i'd probably still be the same.


that's another reason i'm gonna ctb (:
cuz i'm straight-up awful at socializing and i hate being alone. after all these years, being alone still fucks me up bad.

 

[.idiot]

Anything specific that prompted this distrust of people you have now, or just gradually being hurt by others in small ways over time, and it built up into this distrust?

 

[emptywings]

Anything specific that prompted this distrust of people you have now, or just gradually being hurt by others in small ways over time, and it built up into this distrust?

i've been betrayed way too fucking many times. like, A LOT. i switched schools back in elementary and they straight-up never hit me up again. after that i tried like hell to make friends, but ppl would only want me for really intimate shit, yk? some of them even touched me. eventually i just stopped getting deep with ppl. now i keep everything surface-level, which is why i barely talk to anyone anymore. ppl fucking suck, especially in college. i feel so weird in this world or maybe i'm just slow af and dumb.

 

[.idiot]

i've been betrayed way too fucking many times. like, A LOT. i switched schools back in elementary and they straight-up never hit me up again. after that i tried like hell to make friends, but ppl would only want me for really intimate shit, yk? some of them even touched me. eventually i just stopped getting deep with ppl. now i keep everything surface-level, which is why i barely talk to anyone anymore. ppl fucking suck, especially in college. i feel so weird in this world or maybe i'm just slow af and dumb.

You must be incredibly unlucky to end up EXCLUSIVELY interacting with homosexuals attracted to you when trying to make friends (assuming you were trying to befriend those of the same gender here)

How have you fared with trying to make friends online, if you have? Same shit or no?

 

[emptywings]

You must be incredibly unlucky to end up EXCLUSIVELY interacting with homosexuals attracted to you when trying to make friends (assuming you were trying to befriend those of the same gender here)

How have you fared with trying to make friends online, if you have? Same shit or no?

lol i'm a girl bro but yeah, honestly i have the worst luck. the friends i've made are so aggressive (: i miss my friends from elementary school, they were actually so nice to me.


i've made friends online too, but eventually i get tired of them and they get tired of me. they just end up ghosting me and idk, it never really feels genuine to me.

 

[.idiot]

lol i'm a girl bro but yeah, honestly i have the worst luck. the friends i've made are so aggressive (: i miss my friends from elementary school, they were actually so nice to me.


i've made friends online too, but eventually i get tired of them and they get tired of me. they just end up ghosting me and idk, it never really feels genuine to me.

Okay, this is gonna sound stupid as fuck, because it quite honestly is, but fuck it I cannot think of anything else.

Try to recall ANYONE you saw in college that looked like a stoner.
You said people only wanted you for intimate shit and seem to dislike aggressive people, and stoners are stereotypically quite relaxed and I have heard that smoking weed does make some people less horny. I fucking hate stoners personally, but as I said, this is all I could think of.

As for online friends, yeah, that feeling of it not being genuine is probably from the detached feeling of them just being text on a screen. Have you tried VC with any online friends in the past?

 

[emptywings]

Okay, this is gonna sound stupid as fuck, because it quite honestly is, but fuck it I cannot think of anything else.

Try to recall ANYONE you saw in college that looked like a stoner.
You said people only wanted you for intimate shit and seem to dislike aggressive people, and stoners are stereotypically quite relaxed and I have heard that smoking weed does make some people less horny. I fucking hate stoners personally, but as I said, this is all I could think of.

As for online friends, yeah, that feeling of it not being genuine is probably from the detached feeling of them just being text on a screen. Have you tried VC with any online friends in the past?

LMAOO that's honestly the best advice i've ever heard

nup, i don't feel comfortable showing my face for safety reasons. i don't trust anything fr lol

 

[.idiot]

LMAOO that's honestly the best advice i've ever heard

nup, i don't feel comfortable showing my face for safety reasons. i don't trust anything fr lol

Oh, I didn't mean videochat, I meant voicechat.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

i've been betrayed way too fucking many times. like, A LOT. i switched schools back in elementary and they straight-up never hit me up again. after that i tried like hell to make friends, but ppl would only want me for really intimate shit, yk? some of them even touched me. eventually i just stopped getting deep with ppl. now i keep everything surface-level, which is why i barely talk to anyone anymore. ppl fucking suck

Somewhat relate to OP, although everything she said happened in later stages in life for me personally and intimate shit was issue as well but rather in the opposite way, which is kind of natural being a dude I guess. Starting earlier already for me this was the reason:

gradually being hurt by others in small ways over time, and it built up into this distrust?

You must be incredibly unlucky to end up EXCLUSIVELY interacting with homosexuals attracted to you when trying to make friends (assuming you were trying to befriend those of the same gender here)

lol i'm a girl bro but yeah, honestly i have the worst luck. the friends i've made are so aggressive

Why didn't it work out with befriending girls then, surely they weren't all lesbians and trying to get intimate?!

I have heard that smoking weed does make some people less horny.

Doesn't make me less horny, I can tell you that. But maybe I'm an unusual stoner. Currently not smoking and I don't recognise any change anyway.

 

[valar_morghulis21]

i don't think i'm the only one who does everything possible to end up alone. like, i avoid talking to people, i avoid even trying to seem friendly, i completely isolate myself in public, and i don't really like talking more than i have to. i talk just enough. i'm super careful about what i say cuz i don't wanna trust anyone. but at the end of the day, i'm still alone. i literally do this to myself.


it's not that i miss having friends, i miss having someone i could actually trust like i did back in elementary school. i'm still pretty young, i dropped out of college cuz of my mental health, and maybe i should think about going back, but i know i'd probably still be the same.


that's another reason i'm gonna ctb (:
cuz i'm straight-up awful at socializing and i hate being alone. after all these years, being alone still fucks me up bad.

I feel you. But the wounds of being backstab is still there. Hard to trust people, especially so many so-called friends started out so fine and dandy till they aren't no more