Can't help but get depressed this time of year

[CatLove56]

Can't remember the date but it was this month last year I had a gun to my head deciding what to do. Give up and hope for peace or keep trying and hope for happiness. I don't mean to cause offense for people who actually have it but in a way I get ptsd whenever I'm in my car alone, cold and at night.

I'd say it was roughly 2 am and I get off work at 11 usually but sometimes I get a ride. Being alone scares me and I have to blast music or talk to myself to get through the ride home.

 

[TooLate2582]

It's not so much depression with me, but the urge to engage in self destructive behaviors. All I want to do is shirk responsibility, abuse substances, have sex and generally destroy my life. I want to go to the christmans parties and have fun and I spend the whole season looking forward to them but as they approach, I remember that my invite is usually out of pity. At work, I'm the best in my field. Everyone wants to associate with me because I produce. They ride my coat tails because I make *us* look good. Outside of work, I'm invisible except for this time of year. Someone stopping by my house in April means more to me than being invited to Christmas parties.