Can't feel like this

[4hrs50min]

Every day is just so mentally excruciating. No relief in sight, nothing to look forward to, anxiety non stop..

Getting to a bridge and jumping is the one thing I can do to change anything.

I wonder if people who have ctb was in this kind of hell when they were able to do it. I don't think one overcomes SI, I think the pain of life just becomes that tiny bit stronger than SI.

I'm scared of how bad it has to become for that to happen because it's been bad, it is bad, and even at s safe distance from that bridge I know 99% I could not go through with jumping, I feel SI just imagining it.

Another day with this theme in my head all day, I wish something could change (preferably not for the worse)

 

[jodes2]

Have you thought about other methods that aren't as hard on SI?

 

[4hrs50min]

Have you thought about other methods that aren't as hard on SI?

I've ruled out hanging cause I've tried suspending and figure a drop from height would be easy if I just got over the railing.. thought about SN but cannot order it to where I'm staying now. Also i figure from bridge into water I would be found by people who are used to death, other methods maybe not give that result..

 

[Hollowillow]

Every day is just so mentally excruciating. No relief in sight, nothing to look forward to, anxiety non stop..

Getting to a bridge and jumping is the one thing I can do to change anything.

I wonder if people who have ctb was in this kind of hell when they were able to do it. I don't think one overcomes SI, I think the pain of life just becomes that tiny bit stronger than SI.

I'm scared of how bad it has to become for that to happen because it's been bad, it is bad, and even at s safe distance from that bridge I know 99% I could not go through with jumping, I feel SI just imagining it.

Another day with this theme in my head all day, I wish something could change (preferably not for the worse)

I can't jump for sure... I tried to trick my SI into auto erotic asphyxiation? Got into week to sneakily od on harder someday... SI won.

If you want relief from anxiety, try to take as much vitamin c as possible without pooping, and magnesium. B if you need energy or netve repair. I take 4g a day. Took more than 20g a day (not in one shot, max 5g and less absorbs better...? 1 every 30 min? But I'm in a hurry so I take me) I took almost 3 magnesium... I was still screaming inside... But it usually gave me some relief. I'm too far gone. That day I had hope but she cancelled my appointment and clised the file, basically banned me for no reason ... Really fed up. I have a mandatory meeting tomorrow, the kandlird want his worker to humiliate me until I stop asking for repairs. Sauong that my pain isn't his problem, that I'm just crazy. Well if I'm alkergic to the damn cheap industrial paint I deserve an accomodation before it kills me... If I damagef the place dropping a gallon of acid they should make me pay to fix it. I want the fuck out!

 

[FuneralCry]

Ctb by jumping does sound terrifying to me. I think that those who left that way must had been so desperate. I envy their courage. This life really can be torture and I understand that it can be so dreadful being trapped in a life that is just constant suffering. It really does feel as though there is no peace or relief in this life.

 

[Hope:-)]

I agree that the pain of life becomes stronger than SI and that that's how people do it. x

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I agree that the pain of life becomes stronger than SI and that that's how people do it. x

Unfortunately human beings seem to be able to endure a tremendous amount… I watched a family member die of cancer over the course of 10 years depressed and largely hopeless… We are persistent

 

[locked*n*loaded]

As another poster said, you need to reach the absolute abyss, then you can probably (maybe) ctb by any method. The pain of living has to become unbearable. Jumping isn't my method. It seems harder than other methods. Same with hanging. Same with firearms. We're all different and get to the abyss in different ways and different times. Some don't ever get there.