Cannot handle social comparison

[Beachedwhale]

Is anyone else completely obliterated by comparison? Comparing yourself to others. Especially those you grew up with who are now doing amazingly well while you floundered and declined.

It's really ramping up the desire to ctb. I know it comes from feeling dissatisfied with your own lot, and so I know I should try to improve and care for myself, but I'm just so exhausted and feel trapped.

 

[Mondo]

Thats what society teaches us to do and if you can't keep up your deemed a failure. But in reality life happens to different people at different times both good and bad. We shouldn't beat ourselves up about it so much and stuff too high expectations.

 

[EnnuiCat]

Everything you said sums up a good chunk of my own issues. I feel as though I've failed at everything I've tried while watching others around me succeed. I'm just so tired of trying these days. Tired of constant disappointment. I just want it to be over.

 

[ShePastAway]

I honestly don't pay any attention to it, I've no idea what the people I grew up around are doing or achieving, and I don't really care all that much. I can understand though. Everyone goes through life at their own pace, so I wouldn't beat yourself up over not having got where you want yet, there's still time.

 

[boc]

I struggle with this as well. Even though I'm doing fine by every metric. Still, it's tough not to do. I know there's no suggestions here to help. But at least you're not alone.

 

[Neowise]

Every single day. Even if something good happens. I might have done well at a test and gotten a B+, but when everyone else got an A- there is just no reason to be happy for me because I am once again below average, as always.

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

 

[Superdeterminist]

It's maybe the worst feeling I've ever felt. I once made the mistake of searching old classmates online, terrible mistake. It's not even that they're necessarily doing 'better' than me, it's just such a terrible idea and worsens that toxic feeling of comparison a thousand-fold.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Is anyone else completely obliterated by comparison? Comparing yourself to others. Especially those you grew up with who are now doing amazingly well while you floundered and declined.

It's really ramping up the desire to ctb. I know it comes from feeling dissatisfied with your own lot, and so I know I should try to improve and care for myself, but I'm just so exhausted and feel trapped.

The kids I babysat for are doing better than me

 

[Beachedwhale]

It's maybe the worst feeling I've ever felt. I once made the mistake of searching old classmates online, terrible mistake. It's not even that they're necessarily doing 'better' than me, it's just such a terrible idea and worsens that toxic feeling of comparison a thousand-fold.

Same, worst feeling. It even gives me a physical sensation in my body.

 

[WornOutLife]

I was for many years and I just sent you a pm about it!! Hope you read it!

To sum up, there will always be people in better or worse conditions than ours but we can always stand up and keep on fighting.

I went from being a suicidal depressed NEET in his 30s for almost 3 years to being a productive responsible human again. (still suicidal and depressed but fighting!)

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Busticket]

Is anyone else completely obliterated by comparison? Comparing yourself to others. Especially those you grew up with who are now doing amazingly well while you floundered and declined.

It's really ramping up the desire to ctb. I know it comes from feeling dissatisfied with your own lot, and so I know I should try to improve and care for myself, but I'm just so exhausted and feel trapped.

Same.
It makes me suicidal like nothing else.

 

[Grave]

Yeah definitely, I'm still a student and one of my best friends is really high achieving. Like no matter how well I do in a test, I cannot be happy because she will have gotten better, and I'm always on the bottom side of the average in the class, and then because I'm depressed and can't study my grades just slip more and it gets worse and worse in that cycle.

Everyone just seems to do everything better than me and it pisses me off to no end, and definitely contributes to me feeling suicidal.

 

[Beachedwhale]

Yeah definitely, I'm still a student and one of my best friends is really high achieving. Like no matter how well I do in a test, I cannot be happy because she will have gotten better, and I'm always on the bottom side of the average in the class, and then because I'm depressed and can't study my grades just slip more and it gets worse and worse in that cycle.

Everyone just seems to do everything better than me and it pisses me off to no end, and definitely contributes to me feeling suicidal.

Grades don't matter as much in the real world. Confidence in who you are is more important. Try to find ways to improve your grades to do well but if you absolutely can't get top grades it's not such a big deal and not worth sacrificing your health and working on your confidence.

I wish someone had just told me this in school.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I know what you mean. It is simply human nature to do this, someone else always has what we lack in life and it can make us hyper aware of our own flaws. It can slowly send us into despair especially as our thoughts can torture us. It's why I try to isolate myself from other people, in the past it has damaged my mental state even further.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

This is solved on an emotional level. Rationally we all know that it doesn't make sense to compare ourselves to others (aside from specific contexts). So, like with my solution for romantic envy, we have to hit our own heart strings at the same time as we make perfectly good sense and are grounded in reality. We set the intention to get rid of the envy/resentment/shame, and if it's pure enough we will get the eureka moment at some point. I'm sure of it.

 

[Beachedwhale]

This is solved on an emotional level. Rationally we all know that it doesn't make sense to compare ourselves to others (aside from specific contexts). So, like with my solution for romantic envy, we have to hit our own heart strings at the same time as we make perfectly good sense and are grounded in reality. We set the intention to get rid of the envy/resentment/shame, and if it's pure enough we will get the eureka moment at some point. I'm sure of it.

I believe it comes from a deeply-rooted feeling of inadequacy and shame. Perhaps try to imagine what realistic future version of yourself could be without that shame and instead could be with pride then work towards it?

 

[Meditation guide]

I've been around wealthy people my whole life without being rich myself so it's not something I notice or care about.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

The kids I babysat for are doing better than me

Seriously this is true for me. Kids I sat for now are lawyers, own their own companies, are happily married, etc etc.

I don't begrudge what others' have earned through their hard work or dedication, but I do get angry at the universe? I guess? when I see these people I grew up with who have great health despite abusing their bodies, have money and homes and take vacations and do all the things I wish I could've done all because of their parents' money or name or they married money...and my life has been a total shitshow practically since birth. I know life isn't fair but damn, it's JUST NOT FAIR. I was born sickly, unattractive, not that smart, no special talent at anything, I wasn't born into money, I didn't marry rich (or happily). Nothing. I guess the comparing I do of myself to others and to others' achievements ultimately makes me most upset because I wish I'd gotten over doing that years ago but yet I still can't help doing it. It makes me angry with myself.

Also my mind can't help but repeat all the times in my life I was told I was a loser, or would fail at this or that. I always wanted those people to be wrong but nope, they had me accurately pegged long before I woke up and realized the truth about myself and what they saw and I didn't.

It stings too when I see the people *I* thought were bigger screwups and just as loser-y as me now happily married and successful and even having earned PhDs. Out of the core group of people I knew growing up, ***I*** turned out to be The Biggest Loser.

 

[motel rooms]

I believe it comes from a deeply-rooted feeling of inadequacy and shame.

It all comes down to the extent of the damage done to us in our formative years. If you don't learn that you're adequate & deserving of love as a kid, your chances of achieving a satisfactory level of emotional well-being in adulthood are minimal. I've been able to fend for myself, make friends & get laid for more than 2 decades now, but I still feel like a brutalized little boy who just wants the whole disgusting world to go away

 

[return2dreamland]

every second of every day bestie <3

 

[Beachedwhale]

It all comes down to the extent of the damage done to us in our formative years. If you don't learn that you're adequate & deserving of love as a kid, your chances of achieving a satisfactory level of emotional well-being in adulthood are minimal. I've been able to fend for myself, make friends & get laid for more than 2 decades now, but I still feel like a brutalized little boy who just wants the whole disgusting world to go away

It all comes down to the extent of the damage done to us in our formative years. If you don't learn that you're adequate & deserving of love as a kid, your chances of achieving a satisfactory level of emotional well-being in adulthood are minimal. I've been able to fend for myself, make friends & get laid for more than 2 decades now, but I still feel like a brutalized little boy who just wants the whole disgusting world to go away

This is true. Have you ever been in a relationship and what effect if any did that have? Ever done psychedelics?

 

[HelloHell]

Ah yes my mom never fails to talk about other people doing better than me and keep pushing me to do the same/better than them

 

[motel rooms]

This is true. Have you ever been in a relationship and what effect if any did that have?

Yes, but it wasn't a healthy one. Basically just 2 guys pushing each other's buttons & nastily fucking the pain & anger away

 

[forrrest]

Comparison is the one thing that keeps dragging me close to the point of doing something unreversable. It's pretty much all I do when in public. Everybody seems so much better than me. I feel like such a failure and disappointment compared to my "friends" and family. Sometimes, it can make everything seem so pointless. I'm sorry if anyone else has to walk with me on this path.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Ah yes my mom never fails to talk about other people doing better than me and keep pushing me to do the same/better than them

God that's crap! I'm sorry your mum does that x

 

[HelloHell]

God that's crap! I'm sorry your mum does that x

just gonna have to get used to it i guess :) or ctb lmao

 

[ClairyFairy]

Just ignore her 《3