Can someone explain to me why I failed partial hanging?

[Zotz101]

Hi! I attempted suicide on January 21st, 2021. Yet, my method didn't work. I had made a slip knot and kneeled into it expecting to pass out. I had suffered symptoms of suffocation: I had horrible petechiae, an awful headache for weeks on end (I don't think I had brain damage - I have done well on academic assignments this year) and I had felt myself dying. I can only compare it to a cold rush; I was freezing cold. I also felt, otherwise, comfortable. It wasn't painful. Yet, it didn't work. I kneeled into the slipknot (I used a tie) but my feet were still on the ground. I was in a kneeling position. I would say my knees were parallel to the noose. I didn't use a chair. Should I use a chair, place my head into the noose, and then fall in? Isn't that, then, full suspension hanging?

 

[Ta555]

Hi! I attempted suicide on January 21st, 2021. Yet, my method didn't work. I had made a slip knot and kneeled into it expecting to pass out. I had suffered symptoms of suffocation: I had horrible petechiae, an awful headache for weeks on end (I don't think I had brain damage - I have done well on academic assignments this year) and I had felt myself dying. I can only compare it to a cold rush; I was freezing cold. I also felt, otherwise, comfortable. It wasn't painful. Yet, it didn't work. I kneeled into the slipknot (I used a tie) but my feet were still on the ground. I was in a kneeling position. I would say my knees were parallel to the noose. I didn't use a chair. Should I use a chair, place my head into the noose, and then fall in? Isn't that, then, full suspension hanging?

You just haven't found the right spot. Many people find it hard to find the right spot to succeed with partial.

 

[Zotz101]

Thanks!

You just haven't found the right spot. Many people find it hard to find the right spot to succeed with partial.

Thanks! Would you know how to find the right spot? I had read the methods guide but the instructions were unclear.

 

[Ta555]

Thanks!

Thanks! Would you know how to find the right spot? I had read the methods guide but the instructions were unclear.

Sorry I've never tried partial. Seems too complicated and I don't want to mess up my neck from practicing as I've heard a couple of people have. If I do it it will just be full suspension. Much less hassle even if more painful.

 

[empty]

I don't have an answer to your question. I attempted partial hanging on January 25, 2021. I too used a slip knot and was in the kneeling position. I just thought it was a mildly interesting coincidence that we both attempted suicide by the same method just four days apart.

 

[Zotz101]

I don't have an answer to your question. I attempted partial hanging on January 25, 2021. I too used a slip knot and was in the kneeling position. I just thought it was a mildly interesting coincidence that we both attempted suicide by the same method just four days apart.

Yet we're still here. I'm honestly quite conflicted if I am happy I didn't die then. On one hand, I've gotten into two good universities this year (one of them ranked #3 in the UK for my program) so that was validating. On the other hand, man, what the fuck.

 

[prbreese01]

Yet we're still here. I'm honestly quite conflicted if I am happy I didn't die then. On one hand, I've gotten into two good universities this year (one of them ranked #3 in the UK for my program) so that was validating. On the other hand, man, what the fuck.

Can I ask why you're contemplating suicide?

 

[Zotz101]

Can I ask why you're contemplating suicide?

Absolutely!

I am contemplating suicide for the following reasons.
1) I am sort of trans? I don't want to be a man. I hate being a woman. I think I want to be something in-between and to be frank the thought of being a freak terrifies me even more than just being trans.
2) I am very bad at social interaction. I honestly pity my friends - why would anyone in their right mind be friends with me? I'm not interesting, I'm too emotional, I am neither funny nor charismatic. I'm quite boring.
3) I have a lot of passions that I hide. In my ideal world, I'd be a game designer. No one even knows that. I applied for History and I like it, I do, but I really, wholeheartedly, want to be a game designer. I also write a fair bit in my free time. I have never once shared with anyone one of my stories. It would be too embarrassing to do that. No one even knows that I write.

 

[Ta555]

Absolutely!

I am contemplating suicide for the following reasons.
1) I am sort of trans? I don't want to be a man. I hate being a woman. I think I want to be something in-between and to be frank the thought of being a freak terrifies me even more than just being trans.
2) I am very bad at social interaction. I honestly pity my friends - why would anyone in their right mind be friends with me? I'm not interesting, I'm too emotional, I am neither funny nor charismatic. I'm quite boring.
3) I have a lot of passions that I hide. In my ideal world, I'd be a game designer. No one even knows that. I applied for History and I like it, I do, but I really, wholeheartedly, want to be a game designer. I also write a fair bit in my free time. I have never once shared with anyone one of my stories. It would be too embarrassing to do that. No one even knows that I write.

I can't comment at all on your first reason for lack of knowledge and experience but I can tell you that the other two can definitely be worked on. Won't necessarily be easy but these are things that can be changed for the better. Wishing you luck in whatever you decide to do.

 

[prbreese01]

Absolutely!

I am contemplating suicide for the following reasons.
1) I am sort of trans? I don't want to be a man. I hate being a woman. I think I want to be something in-between and to be frank the thought of being a freak terrifies me even more than just being trans.
2) I am very bad at social interaction. I honestly pity my friends - why would anyone in their right mind be friends with me? I'm not interesting, I'm too emotional, I am neither funny nor charismatic. I'm quite boring.
3) I have a lot of passions that I hide. In my ideal world, I'd be a game designer. No one even knows that. I applied for History and I like it, I do, but I really, wholeheartedly, want to be a game designer. I also write a fair bit in my free time. I have never once shared with anyone one of my stories. It would be too embarrassing to do that. No one even knows that I write.

I feel the same way when it comes to number 2. I'm terrible at social interactions so I've basically been hiding away for years…I'm sure you've heard this before but you should try pursuing what you're interested in. Why not try to become a game designer? What's the worse that could come out of it? And as for your stories, you know you have a lot of supportive ears here. I'm a terrible writer and conversationalist but I'm sure there are people that could offer valuable feedback…and I'm sorry that your having difficulty figuring out your identity. Have you tried finding people that are going through the same feelings? Finding someone else might help?

 

[Zotz101]

I feel the same way when it comes to number 2. I'm terrible at social interactions so I've basically been hiding away for years…I'm sure you've heard this before but you should try pursuing what you're interested in. Why not try to become a game designer? What's the worse that could come out of it? And as for your stories, you know you have a lot of supportive ears here. I'm a terrible writer and conversationalist but I'm sure there are people that could offer valuable feedback…and I'm sorry that your having difficulty figuring out your identity. Have you tried finding people that are going through the same feelings? Finding someone else might help?

Hi!

I am fairly poor at social interaction but I actually interact a lot. I (used to) attend a lot of parties, talk to a lot of people. Hell, I'm even friends with the "most popular" people. I love them and they have done very nice things for me but I know for a fact that they are only friends with me because they pity me. Because I'm not a "bad" person - like mean, or cruel - just totally annoying and inept. I am sorry that you have been hiding away from years. In your post at least you come across as nice!

I don't want to pursue being a game designer because I can't bear telling people that I'm interested in it. No one knows that I am pursuing coding or that I even play video games and think about them as a serious medium. You know, I'd like to make indie titles that make people think. That's the dream, right. Yet, I can't even tell people without online anonymity that this is what I want to do.

I actually tried to come out as trans. I told people and they were supportive. But I was so terribly ashamed of myself that I backtracked. It's absolutely a nightmare! I realised in that moment it's not that I can't stand how others think of me but of how I think of myself. With everything in my life: my writing, my ideal career, and my identity. It's not others, it's me. I have such a deep internalised shame and an internalised fear of letting people see who I really am and then them not embracing it. I am so fake and dishonest to everyone in my life - I have never even given anyone a chance to get to know me truly.

I hope you are doing well. Sad thing is I can't kill myself anymore without making my family lose 300k that now I am at a crossroads. So, I hope you're doing well. For the sake of living.

I don't think I ever wanted to die. No. I just wish I never existed. I just wish that no one ever thought of me. I wish I could be a ghost that would do nice things for people in my life now without them ever being cognisant that I existed to begin with. I hope that you feel better than me :)

I can't comment at all on your first reason for lack of knowledge and experience but I can tell you that the other two can definitely be worked on. Won't necessarily be easy but these are things that can be changed for the better. Wishing you luck in whatever you decide to do.

I see. Yeah, the first reason is sort of a major issue. To be honest, I feel like my life is at standstill - I am unable to proceed with anything else until I have resolved it. It's a constant shame, a weight that trudges me down. It's unexpected too; imagine you're jumping on the moon and then suddenly this newfound gravity pulls you down to the landscape. Absolutely miserable stuff.

 

[prbreese01]

Hi!

I am fairly poor at social interaction but I actually interact a lot. I (used to) attend a lot of parties, talk to a lot of people. Hell, I'm even friends with the "most popular" people. I love them and they have done very nice things for me but I know for a fact that they are only friends with me because they pity me. Because I'm not a "bad" person - like mean, or cruel - just totally annoying and inept. I am sorry that you have been hiding away from years. In your post at least you come across as nice!

I don't want to pursue being a game designer because I can't bear telling people that I'm interested in it. No one knows that I am pursuing coding or that I even play video games and think about them as a serious medium. You know, I'd like to make indie titles that make people think. That's the dream, right. Yet, I can't even tell people without online anonymity that this is what I want to do.

I actually tried to come out as trans. I told people and they were supportive. But I was so terribly ashamed of myself that I backtracked. It's absolutely a nightmare! I realised in that moment it's not that I can't stand how others think of me but of how I think of myself. With everything in my life: my writing, my ideal career, and my identity. It's not others, it's me. I have such a deep internalised shame and an internalised fear of letting people see who I really am and then them not embracing it. I am so fake and dishonest to everyone in my life - I have never even given anyone a chance to get to know me truly.

I hope you are doing well. Sad thing is I can't kill myself anymore without making my family lose 300k that now I am at a crossroads. So, I hope you're doing well. For the sake of living.

I don't think I ever wanted to die. No. I just wish I never existed. I just wish that no one ever thought of me. I wish I could be a ghost that would do nice things for people in my life now without them ever being cognisant that I existed to begin with. I hope that you feel better than me :)

I see. Yeah, the first reason is sort of a major issue. To be honest, I feel like my life is at standstill - I am unable to proceed with anything else until I have resolved it. It's a constant shame, a weight that trudges me down. It's unexpected too; imagine you're jumping on the moon and then suddenly this newfound gravity pulls you down to the landscape. Absolutely miserable stuff.

Aww, thank you for your comment about me coming across as nice. That put a smile on my face.….I'm curious, how old are you? I'm just wondering because it sounds like you have a lot of positives going for you and you just need some time to work on your confidence. The fact that you have some passions is such a huge thing and I don't see why anyone would look down on them. I think you'd be surprised, I'm sure people would be very supportive of you doing what you love. But I get it, we all have some internal conflict that keeps us from living out best lives.