can i possibly fix my life?

[moonflow3r]

im still pretty young. im not even 19 yet. but I'm hyperfixated on the idea that it doesn't matter if i ruin my future prospects because I'm going to kill myself. i recon this is a very damaging mindset since i got good things going on for me rn. I'm in uni, but I've been failing almost on purpose because i tell myself it doesn't matter since I'm committing suicide. i don't want to die, but, i don't want to live with the consequences of me screwing up my studies either. everything is money in life, and, I've been sheltered for so long.

does this make any sense ?

 

[Apokryphiel]

A life can change so much in just a year, but the results are entirely up to you. It can be for better or for worse. The best advice I have for you is to persevere until you are absolutely certain regarding all points of life. You have all to gain and all to lose.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It does make sense. It's much harder to motivate ourselves with ideation I think. Having said that, I think it's important to be realistic. If we know we won't or can't CTB imminently then, we could be stuck with life for some time. The quality of our lives can be pretty dependent on achieving the things we want.

So, I suppose you need to ask yourself some questions. Will it bother you to potentially fail and find it harder to find employment in the area that interests you more (presumably) and, could pursuing your interests/ career become a coping mechanism?

I've witnessed people here plot a kind of course of self destruction where they lose their job, become homeless and petty much force themselves to CTB. I suppose it depends whether that appeals.

That doesn't personally appeal to me. I don't want to feel forced into CTB in a state of panic. I also maybe have less understanding parents who wouldn't have been impressed/ supportive if I had dropped out. So, I've always felt the need to put in some maintenance to sustain a basic living standard.

It also depends on what's keeping you here alive and, how long that might go on for. I've always wanted to wait for my Dad to pass first so, I've always kind of known I would have to play the long game.

I think maybe most people have the potential to turn things around if they have enough hope, health and are willing to put in the effort.

 

[Anon314]

im still pretty young. im not even 19 yet. but I'm hyperfixated on the idea that it doesn't matter if i ruin my future prospects because I'm going to kill myself. i recon this is a very damaging mindset since i got good things going on for me rn. I'm in uni, but I've been failing almost on purpose because i tell myself it doesn't matter since I'm committing suicide. i don't want to die, but, i don't want to live with the consequences of me screwing up my studies either. everything is money in life, and, I've been sheltered for so long.

does this make any sense ?

You can always turn your grades around. I believe in you!

 

[webb&flow]

I'll just go through some of the questions you asked here real quick

can i possibly fix my life?

yes!

im still pretty young. im not even 19 yet. but I'm hyperfixated on the idea that it doesn't matter if i ruin my future prospects because I'm going to kill myself.

I feel you on that. But what if your future prospects can turn out all right, and you won't be able to experience that?

i recon this is a very damaging mindset since i got good things going on for me rn.

I promise you that it's possible to take advantage of the good things and make things a little better, even if you feel there are things holding you back from doing that 24/7 :)

I'm in uni, but I've been failing almost on purpose because i tell myself it doesn't matter since I'm committing suicide.

Your life is more than uni

i don't want to die, but, i don't want to live with the consequences of me screwing up my studies either.

Fair. It's possible to overcome both, though! It may be difficult but it is possible. You don't have to die and you don't have to screw up your studies neither have happened yet and neither have to :)

does this make any sense ?

It does. It makes a lot of sense, even if other people may not understand. You aren't crazy. Nor insane. A lot of people feel the same way you do. And a lot of them are able to change their lives even with these struggles. You are not alone in this