Burden of existence

[Painless_end]

When you have a weak and scrambled brain like mine, every day is a burden.

One wishes to die, but the brain resists pain.

And traps itself into the worse fate of living through hell.

No brain no, we must escape. Do not resist pain. We must find an escape forever. You are not meant for a life like this. Just no.

 

[suicide4me]

I completely agree and think these same thoughts. And when I tried and failed this weekend, it made everything even more intense. I hope my ending comes soon.

 

[WornOutLife]

Sorry you're feeling like this, pal.

Send you lots of good vibes and peace!

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel exactly the same, I feel trapped as I know I do not belong on this earth, the pain of existence hurts. I need to die to be at peace but I struggle to find a way out.

 

[Painless_end]

I live with my parents, so despite my own mental issues, I have to pretend as if I am ultimately normal. Even when around 80% of my waking hours, I am not.

My weak, non-responsive brain has led me to live like a living zombie.

The strange part is externally you wouldn't believe it. I used to go to the gym atleast 4-5 times a week for two months. I am not overweight or have any other issues. I actually had started developing noticeable upper body shape and flexibility due to my working out.

But the point is, it feels isolated. Why ? Because I don't work. I am 32 and unemployed by choice. I have had a couple of full time jobs in the past but I quit them because I couldn't take it any more. I just couldn't. I have severe mental issues that all come down to me being like this deep down : I just don't have the sustained desire or strength to function like an adult and assume responsibilities.

At most, I act like a barely functioning adult around 40% of the time. The rest is just a mishmash of withdrawal, internal rage at my own weakness, and schizoid tendencies.

I don't have any diagnosable "mental illness" as per any medical professional. I have seen a few years ago and done tons of reading about mental illness symptoms so I know this.

It's just...who I am at my genuine core as a person. Just a complete weak-brain hollow individual with no strength / desire to withstand the "responsibilities" of life.

To sum up, I am tired of "acting normal". If hanging or jumping from the roof didn't feel so damn painful, I would be long gone by now.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Would appreciate a lobotomy

 

[Painless_end]

I wrote this several months ago and I still stand by every word I wrote above

Growth = 0