Venting bridging the gap between hypothetically dying and really dying

[samsaragothands]

i know i want to die but i also don't really know how to conceptualize getting there. i don't like thinking about the effort. it makes me feel bad because i can't even go into the end of my life with a sense of passion or intent. i really just miss wanting something so badly it hurts. it sucks that this is all.

 

[little helpers]

I don't quite know what to say but I really love that title.

"bridging the gap between hypothetically dying and really dying".

^ ingenious.
some philosophy majors out there should make it their thesis IMHO.

I'm not sure if I have anything constructive to say. I feel you though. hanging by a thread and in limbo. times like this simply exist. with depression especially. having no energy to do anything, including to ctb.

 

[montana007]

i know i want to die but i also don't really know how to conceptualize getting there. i don't like thinking about the effort. it makes me feel bad because i can't even go into the end of my life with a sense of passion or intent. i really just miss wanting something so badly it hurts. it sucks that this is all.

You're not alone I assure you.

I KNOW and WANT To get it over with. But when you're that far fucked because of crippling depression that everyrthing is a major effort well it somehow becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and feeds on itself and makes you feel even worse and more useless.

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Actually I think I have something to contribute insofar as the ACTUAL topic is concerned (but this probably going to be tagged onto the end of my previous reply which is a pain dunno why that happens here);

These forums do a find job of bridging the gap. When I had first decided that I just cannot take things anymore after a certain very personal loss only then did I come across these forums (by that time I'd already winged it and decided and had even experimented with a method of my own). And I remember clearly thinking to myself that it's one thing to hypothesize about dying and yet another being really dead and taking yourself out and being REALLY dead. At that time there was still the "Goodbye thread". Was sobering reading to me. Shjt got really real and really quick too. So much so that it bought me some time and gave me reason to pause (not that I'm grateful or happy about it because of fuck sure I could have done without that past two years of shit).

 

[FuneralCry]

I have wanted to die for a long time and I am certain that it is the right thing for me, only I am still here because suicide is difficult. Being trapped can be a dreadful feeling, I understand how you feel, more than anything I wish it was easier to exit. I long for an eternal dreamless sleep, where all the suffering will be over and I will finally be at peace. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.