Venting birthday

[snowbrand]

i'm thinking of making a real attempt on my birthday. i've never been hospitalized for any half-assed attempt, so i figure i should try it at least once in my life. what better time to do it than 0000 on my 20th birthday? i'll officially no longer be a teen, so it'll be like some kind of weird passage into adulthood if i survive after. it's kinda scary to consider the fact that i might not make it, but i don't know. what's the point then? i know i'll get scared before then, i always do. but i want to push myself this time. i'll take more pills than i've ever taken and cut more than i've ever cut, even if i get tired. i want to stab myself, too. no reason in particular, i've just been thinking about it a lot for the past almost half year. right in the stomach. on either side and in the middle. it'll hurt a lot, yeah. hopefully the pills will kick in so it doesn't hurt as much. i dunno. it'll probably go horribly. my birthday is on a sunday, so i might miss school if i do end up hospitalized. hopefully not. i have an attendance reliant class on mondays. i know i shouldn't be thinking about this so casually, but i've already got a basic plan. it's like saying i'll go for a walk. i'm not sad or anything, i don't feel like this is some kind of way out. i just want to try it.

 

[VirtualWorldIsBette]

I totally get that. Birthdays are especially triggering for me, I cried on mine

 

[ThroughTheLight]

I really understand that desire, but I would heavily caution against this. Stabbing your stomach is likely to not be fatal, and it could cause lifelong complications which you would probably deeply regret. Taking a bunch of pills is also likely to not work, given that the lethality of overdosing on medications is usually low, and it can also cause complications. It sounds like you aren't particularly averse to the possibility of failing but I warn you to seriously consider the consequences. However, I still wish you the best and I hope you find peace :)