Ayy, a fellow New Yorker. I think about jumping a lot too, since I live in Manhattan and can fantasize about the tall buildingsā¦ the only thing that scares me is not dying and being saved by emts but ending up paralyzed/a vegetable. The city is dense, someone will probably find a jumper's body pretty quickly
With how high some of the buildings are, I think it gets to a point where it is almost guaranteed to be lethal. The only thing is it's not like you can just easily get to the roof the the world trade center or something.
I feel like even if i was there though, I would be scared. Scared of that random 0.001% chance everything happens in such a way that I miraculously survive, or scared that the second I jump, I'll feel regret like a lot of documented cases talked about. In my previous attempts, I did not feel regret during or after, but I mean who knows? It would still scare me. I would get scared that if I take too long, someone will find me and call 911 to the scene before I can successfully jump. Scared of how cold it is and the wind even. I want to die alone in the comfort of my own home, but none of the at-home methods have been successful for me.
But I think I would still jump given the opportunity and a very tall building.
Please don't do this. It's traumatizing for witnesses, responders and could injure or hurt somebody on the ground. Your family will be devastated regardless what you do but if they want an open casket it would probably be impossible.
As noted above there's more to it. Research more. I'd suggest to a believer to pray more and ask people for help.
I think about and plan my out as well so I'm not judging. Most here understand. I believe living is worth it even though others may not appreciate how hard each day is. There will be good ones in between. Read about Kevin Hines, survivor from jumping off the GG Bridge. I'm also available for questions from a parents perspective. I have another son and husband and can't imagine what it'd do to them to lose a son/brother along with a wife/Mom. The cycle needs to end.
I would want to be absolutely sure there is no one under me when I jump, I would avoid anyone or a group of people. I really wish I wouldn't have a funeral. I can't stand the idea of money being spent on me for something like that and also people talking about me, saying stuff about me without my say. If I really would have a funeral, I would not want an open casket. I know that this view is selfish, as the funeral is for the people, not for me, but I cannot stand the idea of taking up any more time and space, nevertheless a whole stupid ceremony for piece of shit me.
My parents have explicitly told me to end my life during heated moments and I am a burden to them. They are sad regardless. They will be sad because I am not the kid they wanted, whether I'm alive and a disappointment or dead. I disappoint them and burden them every single day. I cannot stay for them. My family doesn't care. My mom would care more about what others think of her as a mother than the loss itself. She hides me from her friends and coworkers because she is ashamed of me and afraid of them thinking she failed as a mother.
I am not much of a believer, but I do try to do my best on my own anyway. If it helps, my family has prayed for me much more than I'm probably even aware of. I can't sit here and say that there is no power in prayer when it comes from someone who is truly spiritual and not skeptical like me, but it doesn't seem to have done much for my mental battle.
I did actually watch a youtube video of an interview with Kevin Hines shortly before your comment and it was somewhat inspiring to keep going and try to get better. I try my best every single day and I really do mean that. I promise you that I will do my very best and fight.
I'm very sorry about your loss and the pain that came with it. Thank you for your comment/advice. I wish you the best.
