Discussion Benzos and suicide

[sifp]

I became severely mentally ill a year ago, like not the hard thoughts and feelings mentally ill, but the severe cognitive impairment, no thoughts, no memories, physical pain, nothing seems real, feel like I'm on drugs all the time mentally ill. Been actively suicidal the entire time. Do almost nothing except think about suicide. Like I said I am cognitively impaired to the point of being intellectually disabled at this point (formerly very smart), but use every pocket of lucidity to think of covert relatable tolerable suicide methods.

The one treatment I've been given since this all started that moves the needle is benzos. They were first given to me in residential treatment (the only thing I really got out of it). Literally the only thing in life that makes me not want to kill me self is popping so lorazepam pills. I know it's a slippery slope and it sucks that we can't just take these drugs long term like ssri, antipsychotics, etc and all the other lifelong meds they put you on. Anyone with similar experiences?

 

[isolute_2488]

I'm the same way... when suicidal thoughts come, the only solution is to swallow a bunch of lorazepam and just lie down. Long term use of SSRI don't work either

 

[sifp]

How often do you do this? I do it like 2-3 times per week but worry about long term consequences.

 

[isolute_2488]

I do it about twice a week, while I don't feel as drowsy as I used to, it still seems to help reduce suicide thoughts.

 

[discernment]

As a former benzo addict, I think you're taking the right precautions and approaching it the right way. The issue with benzos is that people tend to develop a tolerance fairly quickly with regular use, but as long as you're aware of this, you should be okay. If you do feel like you're developing a tolerance and you aren't really experiencing the positive effects anymore, you can reduce the dosage/frequently for a bit and your tolerance should decrease again

 

[Musiclover338]

horror stories on /r/benzorecovery and benzobuddies dot org should be enough to make you not want to get addicted to them.

also dont combine with alcohol like me and be a idiot, i feel like i got brain damage from it