My girlfriend is so so much better than me. She's pretty, competent, so far ahead of me in life in every way, liked by everyone, and so so caring. In comparison I'm completely worthless.
I hate myself so much. I have continuously treated her like garbage and done so many things wrong - I've ignored her and refused to communicate so many times, I feel like whenever I mention wanting to ctb I'm blackmailing her, after she broke up with me I basically stalked and assaulted her, and was arrested. I hate my appearance, I'm probably going to need to shave my head within a year and I'm only 17. I have no life, I'm doing school online from home, I never leave the house, and I have no money or job, can't drive yet, and interact with no one.
And now, just last night, we had sex (the first time I've seen her in a while), and I'm terrified me being stupid will lead to her getting pregnant.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Despite everything, she's still here - she says, no matter what happens or what I do, she'll still care about me, and that cant be changed. I hate myself so intensely, just thinking about her starts my mind crushing itself, and I wish I could snap myself in two. I attempted about a month and a half ago, but wasn't well prepared or anything, there was a search and I was found and sent to hospital. Now, many days I really want to ctb, but I know she would blame herself and it would affect her so much - I can't tell if I'll do more damage to her by leaving or staying.
I also realise how ungrateful this comes across, considering the amount of people who are lonely and wish they could have a partner at all.
I hate myself so much. I have continuously treated her like garbage and done so many things wrong - I've ignored her and refused to communicate so many times, I feel like whenever I mention wanting to ctb I'm blackmailing her, after she broke up with me I basically stalked and assaulted her, and was arrested. I hate my appearance, I'm probably going to need to shave my head within a year and I'm only 17. I have no life, I'm doing school online from home, I never leave the house, and I have no money or job, can't drive yet, and interact with no one.
And now, just last night, we had sex (the first time I've seen her in a while), and I'm terrified me being stupid will lead to her getting pregnant.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
Despite everything, she's still here - she says, no matter what happens or what I do, she'll still care about me, and that cant be changed. I hate myself so intensely, just thinking about her starts my mind crushing itself, and I wish I could snap myself in two. I attempted about a month and a half ago, but wasn't well prepared or anything, there was a search and I was found and sent to hospital. Now, many days I really want to ctb, but I know she would blame herself and it would affect her so much - I can't tell if I'll do more damage to her by leaving or staying.
I also realise how ungrateful this comes across, considering the amount of people who are lonely and wish they could have a partner at all.
