Being “selfish” VS “selfless” in life

[HoleintheDark]

Ever since I was little I prided myself on being low maintenance and putting everyone before myself, never allowing myself to have any wants. That clearly hasn't worked out for me, considering where I am right now!

Now I fluctuate every day between wanting to disappear forever and wanting to make my presence known to everyone for once in my life. Recently I've been splurging on random things like cute stationery, band merch, etc. Which makes me feel selfish and greedy afterwards b/c I know I'm "supposed" to be saving all of my money. But why die with a bunch of money just laying around when you can die surrounded by nice things that give you comfort?

But now I don't even know if it's about finally having all the things I've ever wanted before I go. Maybe it's just about growing out of a lifelong habit of humility and frugality. I genuinely can't tell whether I'm feeling better or worse now that I'm acting "selfishly". Only time will tell… that is to say, the time until my next paycheck

 

[timf]

One has to balance life such that what you would like to give of yourself to others isn't depleted. Being selfless isn't the same as being a doormat. If you gave a million dollars to others, they would only get mad at you for not having more.Saving some money isn't all bad. However, it tends to be used for car repairs, taxes, health problems, etc.

There can be a middle road between invisible and flamboyant. You may wish to make yourself more known only to those who would appreciate you and reciprocate.