Venting Being in the closet is killing me

[sleeplessboyinbed]

I wish i could just live my life. I want to be nornal so bad. I don't understand why it had to be me. Why do i have to wake up in a strangers body. Who are they? Where are they and when they are coming back? Me being in this body was a mistake. I need to be killed so somebody normal could take my place. Me being born was such a mistake. But i want to live so much. Why couldn't i be a cis guy. Why am i, of all people, don't deserve to have a body that is my own? A life that i can call mine? For what crimes was i put in this prison. I want to love but death is all i have. Its all i deserve. I feel sick. Dearh is inevitable for me. It's either i kill this body or my sanity to try and be cis. Maybe i can forget how good it felt imaging myself as a guy. Do we all have a thing to give up to live and it's just a normal life experience? Is it just a temptation that i need to overcome? I never deserved happiness, right?

 

[catbunny]

related so bad. I wish someone else could just take my body and kick my soul out of it. I'd rather be a wanderer soul than living in this body. I feel like this is me and not me at the same time and that feeling is killing me

 

[nails]

i understand completely. this feels like a curse because it seems like we were doomed from the start. every route seems terrible or pointless. obviously, being a cis male would be ideal. still, i wish i could just be content with being a cis woman. these days, i think about that more than anything. i guess it's because it feels more feasible. i wish i didn't have to think about these things and that i could live as a normal cis woman, especially because transitioning would be a horrible idea for me. there's really no point and every option leads to further suffering and/or humiliation, so death is really the only way out for me.
i'm sorry you have to deal with this. wishing you all the best and i hope you can find some peace.

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

i understand completely. this feels like a curse because it seems like we were doomed from the start. every route seems terrible or pointless. obviously, being a cis male would be ideal. still, i wish i could just be content with being a cis woman. these days, i think about that more than anything. i guess it's because it feels more feasible. i wish i didn't have to think about these things and that i could live as a normal cis woman, especially because transitioning would be a horrible idea for me. there's really no point and every option leads to further suffering and/or humiliation, so death is really the only way out for me.
i'm sorry you have to deal with this. wishing you all the best and i hope you can find some peace.

Thank you! Wishing you peace as well (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

 

[PainWorseThanDeath]

Guys, transitioning is a possibility.... you don't have to feel this way. HRT is an option, and its freaking magical.

Im a trans woman, who's been transitioned for a while now, and I promise you.... hrt helps, SO much.

If you need help figuring it out, ill help you... but please, entertain transition before you ctb.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

You're super relatable. It would be wonderful to be born without being trans.

I have to deal with people sometimes insulting me or threatening me if they know I'm trans which happened quite a few times, or getting treated like a science experiment, and possibly getting assaulted due to it which has almost happened. I feel uncomfortable dating irl because when they figure out I'm trans they might not like me anymore. I felt like I was just mentally Ill as a kid and stressed over if I'm actually trans or not. Gotta worry about my meds, my voice etc

It's so tiring and stressful at times. I wish I could be like other trans people who are proud of themselves. I'm a lot more comfortable with my body at least.

This isn't why I want to ctb, but it definitely adds to my desire.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Some of us are born as norms..but the people on this site, including you were born strong!...strong enough to stand out and be different..strong enough to overcome whatever they say!! I truly hope one day you can be free to live out loud and be the beautiful woman you are I try to embrace what makes me different, I admit, sometimes it gets tough. You have to first accept yourself and then the world can. If you don't mind me asking, where are you at in your process? Maybe an idea is get dressed as if you've already transitioned and stay in the house for starters if you're afraid to go outside..Are you able to do that?

 

[historiaegiptu]

Damn i relate so much, living feels impossible. Its like theres no way out, even if i tried to transition it would take years and costs so much. I recently went out with some cis guys and its so obvious how different i am. I hate how i didn't have a chance to grow up like they did and just be normal

 

[sleeplessboyinbed]

Some of us are born as norms..but the people on this site, including you were born strong!...strong enough to stand out and be different..strong enough to overcome whatever they say!! I truly hope one day you can be free to live out loud and be the beautiful woman you are I try to embrace what makes me different, I admit, sometimes it gets tough. You have to first accept yourself and then the world can. If you don't mind me asking, where are you at in your process? Maybe an idea is get dressed as if you've already transitioned and stay in the house for starters if you're afraid to go outside..Are you able to do that?

Cant transphobes leave me alone at least on this cite? You already got me on my lowest, move on. Im calling myself boy and guy constantly, so you couldn't think i was MTF. I guess i was just too naive venting on the suicide cite full of cis people, because that's what they want the most from me - die

Guys, transitioning is a possibility.... you don't have to feel this way. HRT is an option, and its freaking magical.

Im a trans woman, who's been transitioned for a while now, and I promise you.... hrt helps, SO much.

If you need help figuring it out, ill help you... but please, entertain transition before you ctb.

I really want to go in HRT myself. But my financial situation doesn't help. I live in a transphobic country too, so transition would be a problem. I don't know if we are from different countries and how that might affect it, but i really appreciate your offer for help (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡

 

[PainWorseThanDeath]

I live in the worst state in the United States to be transcend.. yeah, people can be really terrible.. dangerous, even. But that's why I stay my little queer ass inside.

 

[if_i_make_it]

I'm FTM too. I just want you to know you're not alone. I wish things could be different for you.

 

[HappyPotato69]

I wish i could just live my life. I want to be nornal so bad. I don't understand why it had to be me. Why do i have to wake up in a strangers body. Who are they? Where are they and when they are coming back? Me being in this body was a mistake. I need to be killed so somebody normal could take my place. Me being born was such a mistake. But i want to live so much. Why couldn't i be a cis guy. Why am i, of all people, don't deserve to have a body that is my own? A life that i can call mine? For what crimes was i put in this prison. I want to love but death is all i have. Its all i deserve. I feel sick. Dearh is inevitable for me. It's either i kill this body or my sanity to try and be cis. Maybe i can forget how good it felt imaging myself as a guy. Do we all have a thing to give up to live and it's just a normal life experience? Is it just a temptation that i need to overcome? I never deserved happiness, right?

being born as trans is basically a death sentence tbh but being around some trans communities gave me a sense of relatability and helped cope w it, at least for a while. I hope one day you can be free and get out of your country and do whatever u want and if it helps canada offers free bottom surgery with insurance

 

[morina]

How bad of a sentence being trans is depends so much on your mindset, too. But I think it's sadly impossible to change that mindset for the better. I met many other trans people through university, and all but one of them just seemed happy and content with their fate, not seeing being trans as nearly as bad as I do. I envy them.

I wish I could say something helpful. But with a bad financial situation and fear of others witnessing changes, DIY HRT probably isn't possible for you, either...

Why do we have to live like this?