Being an alcoholic or CTB

[Donk]

The only relief I get is from being drunk. So I guess the question is would you rather be an alcoholic or CTB

 

[Deleted member 23885]

I'm not an alcoholic but I have frequent suicidal thoughts. I totally empathise with where you're coming from. Life is suffering, the only way out is distraction. At least, for me. You can PM me if you want to chat :)

 

[muffin222]

Why are these the only two options?

Personally, I'd try to seek out treatment for my alcoholism if I were in this situation. Of course, recovering from an addiction is by no means an easy feat- it's an extremely challenging and painful process for most people- but I wouldn't necessarily opt to die because of it if treatment options were available.

But, I don't know your unique backstory, so I can speak from my own hypothetical perspective. I'm sorry you're in such pain

 

[LittleJem]

Have you tried weed? It can also help.

rTMS is apparently helpful for alcoholism (and also depression). It is horribly expensive, but if you are thinking of CTB it could be worth trying.

I am in a similar position to you - only for me I use weed to help me. I would choose weed over CTB at the moment, but only because my depression is currently better than it was thanks to rTMS. I don't know how long this will last for though - I am nearly at the end of my second round of treatment, and then will see if it lasts. I won't be able to afford it a second time.

I am guessing you have tried meds. Have you looked into Tianeptine - I think I read it can help with drinking, and is also an anti-d. You can source it online in Europe.

 

[Sherri]

The only relief I get is from being drunk. So I guess the question is would you rather be an alcoholic or CTB

I under you Donk, I'm not an alcoholic but I'm addictive to opioid pills to keep me on my feet and to keep me living a bit also. I was also addicted to Xanax, but that one is under control. I know addiction it's one of the worse thing, for me I get it on a pharmacy and it's not in plain sight, but for an alcoholic it's everywhere without a script , even on petrol stations. I can't tell you drink or die. That's not who I am and I would be breaking the rules in the forum. All I can ask you is, do you wanna be sober? Or you've had enough of life?

 

[johntee2]

The only relief I get is from being drunk. So I guess the question is would you rather be an alcoholic or CTB

I was a borderline alcoholic before I got sick. I'd have maybe 5 or 6 pints of beer a night. I was always trying to control it so I wouldnt get the hangover and anxiety the next day. I never drank and drove my car. It was a friggin miserable existence. Get yourself to a doctor. Have a couple of vodkas beforehand if you get panic attacks like I did.. They'll
give you benzos to get over the withdrawal symptoms and you'll feel better in a week. I wish I'd done that. I know if I had I wouldn't have taken the prescription drug that ended my health and quality of life. The irony is that now I am not allowed to drink and I'm just waiting for death and I'm a thousand times less healthy.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I understand the feeling. Just yesterday I told my friend that I decided that Im not going to try to quit my addiction.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Both

cracks a bottle under bridge

 

[Them]

I think it's better to ctb before delirium, pancreas, cirrhosis etc show up, because alcoholism is like long and painful method although it seems appealing at first

 

[mini_weeny]

I drink to forget my reality, yes, you can drink and that doesn't make you an alcoholic. It's ok to drink if you feel it helps. Maybe drinking takes the edge enough so that you don't have to consider ctb and that is better. Drinking can get us through a hard day.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

Alcoholic here. It's strange cos the thought of (and act of) drinking helps the depression and the thought of (and act of) being sober hinders it but then so do the consequences of drinking. I think like when my mental illnesses get severe for me it's just gonna be a case of the remission/relapse cycle while one of my other issues takes to the fore. Ctb almost sounds logical then but one gets kept very busy with all one's issues and perceived progress in one area can make it feel like one is getting somewhere.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

Most everyone has their own coping mechanisms to navigate their way through life. I think the key would be to control intake, if possible, as best you can to be a functional alcoholic. (Of course potentially seeking treatment and trying to be functional without alcohol is a different topic and presents different challenges).

I used to self medicate with beer. I choose beer since I fully comprehended its impact on me, and could dial in the optimal relief while not getting too drunk, with few exceptions, typically involving local micro brews with unknown products and with unknown alcohol levels. In other words, I seldom exceeded ideal intake with a well known brand to me like Guinness or Corona. I think large, commercial brewers of wine and beer offers this ability.

The problem with hard alcohol is that it sneaks up on a person, and it's too easy to exceed the ideal consumption level, especially if one is drinking outside the house, as a skilled bartender can mask the level of alcohol in drinks, which is problematic if you are not drinking straight. But, drinking straight can sneak up on a person real quickly, especially if not being mindful as to consumption levels, and the problem presented is by the time one starts feeling the ideal level of relief, the liver is still processing plenty of additional alcohol in the system. Experienced this problem doing shots with buddies back in my youth.

All things being equal, I think being an alcoholic beats being dead by far, but I would take steps to be functional, if possible, including trying to drink only in the evenings and sticking with beer or wine.

Personally, I take it as a blessing that I didn't require a harder drug in order to cope over the years.

 

[MaybeSoon]

I drink a lot. I'm not an alcholic by any means, I self medicate (on a night and I'm not a violent or nasty drunk) because it's the only thing that helps as the medication you get from GP's in this country are awful. They wont prescribe any sort of anxiety relief, just anti depressants. I probably fall in the category as having a 'drink problem' but I could go without if I wasn't so anxious if that makes sense.

 

[make_00]

when I live alone I am probably gonna head down the alcoholism path

 

[WornOutLife]

I don't consider myself an alcoholic but I'm really close to be there because I need alcohol so as to forget about life and be happy for some hours at least.

The thing is, every hangover gets worse. (My stomach and liver too) You know, more depression, laziness, suicidal thoughts, headache, etc.

Imagine being a 100% alcoholic person! It must be hell! Also, you'd spend so much money in alcohol and in hospital (you will be really unhealthy) that you would end up in bankrupt.

Having said this, I wouldn't choose to be an alcoholic but is really ctb the only other choice? Damn that's hard. If you really gave those two options, FOR NOW, I'd choose to be an alcoholic because I don't have the guts to kill myself.

All in all, hope you decide what's better for you. This was my humble opinion.

Hugs and love,

Matt

PS: I'm drinking in a couple of hours lol

 

[fedupsoul]

It's tough.. alc is nice I feel beer made so many of the years I lived bearable extended my lifespan it could be stretched but being all is no reason to ctb people have much more fucked it reasons to ctb it's what we use to get by just like any other therapeutic drug from some big guy therapist but self prescribed

 

[Deleted member 25508]

drugs / alc to numb me out til the inevitable

 

[neren]

I have been a functioning alcoholic for 4 years. I worked at a brewery. The only rule was stay sober enough to drive the forklift. It was awesome. I was paid well, drank as much as I wanted for free. Then I got in legal trouble and lost my job. That was 2 years ago. And I'm still in legal limbo. Drinking started to consume me because it was the only thing to dull my emotions. Recently I lost my family. Now I have nothing. Literal rock bottom. I still drink but only the occasional beverage during the day. And every night. Which had lead me to CTB here is a few weeks.

 

[awfullife]

Hi there I recovered from alcoholism 8 years ago and it can be done. I do still miss it but my situation is unique. After I quit drinking, my business failed and my wife divorced me. This caused a cascade of failures in personal and professional life which has caused me to want to CTB. Trust me, there are very few people around the tables at AA that reminisce about getting sober and losing all their possessions and relationships. I abused adderall after 1 year of sobriety and that was a major catalyst for my life being ruined. The problem with Alcoholism is that underneath the booze is underlying depression / anxiety that is hard to treat. Taking away the booze doesn't fix the issues.

 

[BlankUser]

I don't know... On one hand, alcohol gives me relief, it reduces my stress and OCD symptoms, it makes me to forget the pain.... On the other hand, I don't want to be an addict, this is no living. Being dependant on alcohol is horrible.