Been destroying my body for years, so why is ctb so scary to people

[tiredflower]

I've made many attempts on my own life, heck. Thinking back though they were totally in impulse and all that happened was stints in a&e and icu. Followed by psych ward which I couldn't stand and fought to get out of, as I don't see myself as somebody who needs to be in a psych ward.

how can those around us not see how much pain we are in? I'm always told 'thank goodness you're still alive' But why? Why should it matter to anyone else if I am an unhappy? It's all for selfish gain in my eyes. Nobody can live in this much pain and they shouldn't have to.

I've never thought this seriously about ctb before, in the sense I need to plan it and act whilst calm and not impulsive. SN is so hard to obtain though, I reckon I'll still round for a while. Hey, who even knows I may feel differently in a few months but I doubt it.

how do I find sellers for SN? I know it's not allowed to be posted publicly here but could do with some tips.

 

[AvaAdore]

I suppose the people that are glad you're still around care about you. As for why they can't see how much pain you're in, maybe they can but want to try to help you get past it.

 

[elfgyoza]

Which country are you in? (I'm guessing UK based on the use of a&e?)
The ease of finding SN differs a lot by country

 

[tiredflower]

Which country are you in? (I'm guessing UK based on the use of a&e?)
The ease of finding SN differs a lot by country

Yes UK :/

 

[elfgyoza]

Yes UK :/

Unfortunately it seems to be heavily regulated here, a lot of places only sell to businesses etc :/
It can be found on an arts and crafts website (starts with e), delivered from Eastern Europe. It used to be on eBay but I think they cracked down on it

 

[tiredflower]

Unfortunately it seems to be heavily regulated here, a lot of places only sell to businesses etc :/
It can be found on an arts and crafts website (starts with e), delivered from Eastern Europe. It used to be on eBay but I think they cracked down on it

how would I find that? I'll try and do some research myself

 

[elfgyoza]

how would I find that? I'll try and do some research myself

Sorry, I'm just a bit wary of giving out specific info. It could either be seen as encouraging or could even get the listings for SN taken down :/
It's a popular website for people to sell handmade arts and crafts items. Hope that kind of helps?