Back to Reality

[porfin1234]

Anyone else have a period of time where they were mostly kicking butt and being healthy but then after ruining it all realizing they are just back to being that person they always were?

I always felt like I didn't belong. Like everyone else was better than me. I was normal and productive just one year out of 33. Now I'm back to feeling utterly alone, jealous and wishing I were someone else.
I see others that have pursued passions longer than me, are better read, educated, sweeter, prettier, calmer and nicer. And I feel like I'm invisible and should just hide forever in a dark
room. I'm sick of being reminded how much better other people are and that I don't belong. I will never be normal or have a healthy relationship. I am ignorant dumb and naive. Wasted most of my years being depressed and lazy for no good reason

I went to improv group I joined last year after moving back home only to be reminded of all I sacrificed when I left plus how brilliant talented and hilarious everyone in the group is compared to me. I had to leave early I had so much anxiety. Sad thing is last year this group helped me so much even if I felt intimidated. Now just a reminder of when I was doing well before I destroyed it all.

I wish I weren't so afraid of CTB.

 

[BabyYoda]

Yea. The last year of high school and the first month of college were pretty great, but then shit happened because I enlisted in a class where I met the person I am in love with and now I'm here.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I let myself get embroiled in psychic / relational dramas that derail my life.
It's all CPTSD flash back city - as far as I can work it out .
Plus , a disinclination to join in 'the march' ... humans are kind of sucky on mass.

I REALLY do not give a flying fuck whether these sad fucks live or die so WHY do their attitudes towards me have
such a huge effect ? ( I think they see that in me and I cause the negative feedback - I am a shallow snob and can't stand some kinds of prescribed group hurrah culture .)

I've had a few hard out progress years ... who the fuck was that guy ?

It's like some kind of bubble I blew up gets popped.

I read another comment of yours ... have you / are you having a psychotic episode ?
Kind of shifting reality , sense of inner vcancy , not really you ?

I did that a decade a go and it was scary as fuck .

I only mention it , as it was something I didn't understand ... but it was kind of a cork popping experience after years of supressed stuff. I wish I'd got a handle on what was happening at the time ... but I was away with religion ... :/
and that spiritual model was all I used to deal with it .

I think these "life has broken" events are more common than we realize.

 

[Time]

Anyone else have a period of time where they were mostly kicking butt and being healthy but then after ruining it all realizing they are just back to being that person they always were?

I always felt like I didn't belong. Like everyone else was better than me. I was normal and productive just one year out of 33. Now I'm back to feeling utterly alone, jealous and wishing I were someone else.
I see others that have pursued passions longer than me, are better read, educated, sweeter, prettier, calmer and nicer. And I feel like I'm invisible and should just hide forever in a dark
room. I'm sick of being reminded how much better other people are and that I don't belong. I will never be normal or have a healthy relationship. I am ignorant dumb and naive. Wasted most of my years being depressed and lazy for no good reason

I went to improv group I joined last year after moving back home only to be reminded of all I sacrificed when I left plus how brilliant talented and hilarious everyone in the group is compared to me. I had to leave early I had so much anxiety. Sad thing is last year this group helped me so much even if I felt intimidated. Now just a reminder of when I was doing well before I destroyed it all.

I wish I weren't so afraid of CTB.

Yep. It really sounds like you're talking about me...