Venting Back on meds but it's worse, need help

[Qua]

I was pretty good for a few months. Not perfect, constantly annoyed over everything, but it was bearable. But then it got worse again, the anxiety hit like a brick, it was hard to live. I again feel like a burden, like I have no one to reach out to when I need help. But life doesn't stop when you feel worse, so I tried my best to kept going. At one point I couldn't take it anymore. The breakdowns, the anxiety, the never-ending thoughts kept coming and coming. So I reached out for help because I cannot fuck up all my progress due to another episode.

I paid for a private psychiatrist appointment, found out I was diagnosed wrong 6 years ago. Got new antidepressants but starting of with a dose of 50mg, when 2 years ago I've been takinf 150mg, doesn't do as much. It's easier to attend university, but hard to stay present. My thoughts keep wandering off, I start feeling the urge to hurt myself again. I used to cut during episodes, but from the beginning of 2026 I've been drinking a lot. And I'm aware that mixing meds with alcohol is a bad idea, but it's the only thing keeping me sane but making me feel worse at the same time. I feel like I just can't keep going anymore. The suicidal thoughts are getting too loud, I feel like im dying inside. I can't take it, but I don't want to burden anyone. So I'm back on this site, spilling everything out and hoping for someone who can understand, who gets me and knows what i'm talking about. I want to get better, but I feel like i'm a lost cause and just fucking can't anymore

 

[medinjured521]

I was pretty good for a few months. Not perfect, constantly annoyed over everything, but it was bearable. But then it got worse again, the anxiety hit like a brick, it was hard to live. I again feel like a burden, like I have no one to reach out to when I need help. But life doesn't stop when you feel worse, so I tried my best to kept going. At one point I couldn't take it anymore. The breakdowns, the anxiety, the never-ending thoughts kept coming and coming. So I reached out for help because I cannot fuck up all my progress due to another episode.

I paid for a private psychiatrist appointment, found out I was diagnosed wrong 6 years ago. Got new antidepressants but starting of with a dose of 50mg, when 2 years ago I've been takinf 150mg, doesn't do as much. It's easier to attend university, but hard to stay present. My thoughts keep wandering off, I start feeling the urge to hurt myself again. I used to cut during episodes, but from the beginning of 2026 I've been drinking a lot. And I'm aware that mixing meds with alcohol is a bad idea, but it's the only thing keeping me sane but making me feel worse at the same time. I feel like I just can't keep going anymore. The suicidal thoughts are getting too loud, I feel like im dying inside. I can't take it, but I don't want to burden anyone. So I'm back on this site, spilling everything out and hoping for someone who can understand, who gets me and knows what i'm talking about. I want to get better, but I feel like i'm a lost cause and just fucking can't anymore

Medications don't solve anything and can permanently destroy your life

 

[squiddedoutt]

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[lonergirl_26]

I'm sorry you are having a bad experience.
Is it possible for you to try and change medications?
I've seen people say that they had to try a few different medications to find one that works for them.
I also had a bad experience with meds, it worked for a few months then it made me loose my mind. My doctor wouldn't change them so I stopped taking them in the end, which hasn't made me better but my mind is alot clearer.
I hope things become easier for you

 

[Qua]

Medications don't solve anything and can permanently destroy your life

The meds are antidepressants and suppose to help me. I also got calming meds but last time I took them, I felt absolutely high and could barely keep myself upright

I'm sorry you are having a bad experience.
Is it possible for you to try and change medications?
I've seen people say that they had to try a few different medications to find one that works for them.
I also had a bad experience with meds, it worked for a few months then it made me loose my mind. My doctor wouldn't change them so I stopped taking them in the end, which hasn't made me better but my mind is alot clearer.
I hope things become easier for you

I'll try and wait, see if my organism somehow adjusts to the new meds. If it doesnt, I'll try to change. Thank you