Back from vacation and SN arrived as planned :)

[RealLostSoul]

Funny how easy it was to get SN. Only had to pay a few extra bucks for the costumes. The vacation was okay, the worst thing was that I was burdened by my chronic grief and couldn't really enjoy anything. Everything was like a dream. Time flew pretty fast though. The only time I was in a decent mood was when I took xanax at night and we went to the beach and vibing to the music. I haven't had enough for every day so one night my friend offered me snuff tobacco and he said it makes him chill and everything and I was like yea fuck it whatever I try this but idiot me either not accommodated to nicotine / forgot that my antidepressant (apparently) interacts with nicotine went absolute nuts. I was extremely nauseous and vomited 10 minutes straight then almost fell unconscious. This experience was really unpleasant af and it kind of makes me worried SN could potentially feel similar too. Despite me recovering pretty quickly after a while it was really shitty physically. I don't want death to be like that. I will definitely need to get antiemetics, which shouldn't be too much of a problem. The only thing really delaying my attempt is the fact that I haven't found a good place to do it yet. I will need to do this now but have to wait until I have access to our car.
Other than that I will get the bottle from my friend's house soon and then test it. I hope I get this over with soon because honestly when I landed with the airplane back into the grey soup of my hometown I felt it... this is it. the future only holds bad things for me and I really don't want to live through that. I lost my loved ones already there is nothing left, I can't do this anymore fuck life.
I regret not doing it many years ago when I was 15 honestly, life was garbo af and I would have spared myself from this misery shit. And before you ask, no becoming a junkie is the last fucking option for me I rather die. I rather die than going to a mental hospital too. What am I supposed to do there? Lay in the bed catatonic with severe depression staring at the ceiling? Will this bring anyone back or undo time? No. The biggest myth is that "time heals all wounds", no idea who came up with this shit but the more time flies by and the older I get the worse my mental health becomes, and desperation increases.

Anyways will update you soon.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Funny how easy it was to get SN. Only had to pay a few extra bucks for the costumes. The vacation was okay, the worst thing was that I was burdened by my chronic grief and couldn't really enjoy anything. Everything was like a dream. Time flew pretty fast though. The only time I was in a decent mood was when I took xanax at night and we went to the beach and vibing to the music. I haven't had enough for every day so one night my friend offered me snuff tobacco and he said it makes him chill and everything and I was like yea fuck it whatever I try this but idiot me either not accommodated to nicotine / forgot that my antidepressant (apparently) interacts with nicotine went absolute nuts. I was extremely nauseous and vomited 10 minutes straight then almost fell unconscious. This experience was really unpleasant af and it kind of makes me worried SN could potentially feel similar too. Despite me recovering pretty quickly after a while it was really shitty physically. I don't want death to be like that. I will definitely need to get antiemetics, which shouldn't be too much of a problem. The only thing really delaying my attempt is the fact that I haven't found a good place to do it yet. I will need to do this now but have to wait until I have access to our car.
Other than that I will get the bottle from my friend's house soon and then test it. I hope I get this over with soon because honestly when I landed with the airplane back into the grey soup of my hometown I felt it... this is it. the future only holds bad things for me and I really don't want to live through that. I lost my loved ones already there is nothing left, I can't do this anymore fuck life.
I regret not doing it many years ago when I was 15 honestly, life was garbo af and I would have spared myself from this misery shit. And before you ask, no becoming a junkie is the last fucking option for me I rather die. I rather die than going to a mental hospital too. What am I supposed to do there? Lay in the bed catatonic with severe depression staring at the ceiling? Will this bring anyone back or undo time? No. The biggest myth is that "time heals all wounds", no idea who came up with this shit but the more time flies by and the older I get the worse my mental health becomes, and desperation increases.

Anyways will update you soon.

I am sorry life has led you here OP. I'm sorry about your loved ones that you have lost. I agree with regretting staying alive this long. I lost desire here a long long time ago, 14 years ago and just don't desire here. I regret not doing it years ago. My parents and family are in for devastation I'm sorry I have to do this to them but I don't desire this life anymore it's awful and just too emotionally painful for me after so many life events

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can be cruel, and it can be hard to carry on when we feel like everything is hopeless, I understand that. I also feel like I should have left a long time ago. I wish you the best.

 

[Freelyffe88]

Funny how easy it was to get SN. Only had to pay a few extra bucks for the costumes. The vacation was okay, the worst thing was that I was burdened by my chronic grief and couldn't really enjoy anything. Everything was like a dream. Time flew pretty fast though. The only time I was in a decent mood was when I took xanax at night and we went to the beach and vibing to the music. I haven't had enough for every day so one night my friend offered me snuff tobacco and he said it makes him chill and everything and I was like yea fuck it whatever I try this but idiot me either not accommodated to nicotine / forgot that my antidepressant (apparently) interacts with nicotine went absolute nuts. I was extremely nauseous and vomited 10 minutes straight then almost fell unconscious. This experience was really unpleasant af and it kind of makes me worried SN could potentially feel similar too. Despite me recovering pretty quickly after a while it was really shitty physically. I don't want death to be like that. I will definitely need to get antiemetics, which shouldn't be too much of a problem. The only thing really delaying my attempt is the fact that I haven't found a good place to do it yet. I will need to do this now but have to wait until I have access to our car.
Other than that I will get the bottle from my friend's house soon and then test it. I hope I get this over with soon because honestly when I landed with the airplane back into the grey soup of my hometown I felt it... this is it. the future only holds bad things for me and I really don't want to live through that. I lost my loved ones already there is nothing left, I can't do this anymore fuck life.
I regret not doing it many years ago when I was 15 honestly, life was garbo af and I would have spared myself from this misery shit. And before you ask, no becoming a junkie is the last fucking option for me I rather die. I rather die than going to a mental hospital too. What am I supposed to do there? Lay in the bed catatonic with severe depression staring at the ceiling? Will this bring anyone back or undo time? No. The biggest myth is that "time heals all wounds", no idea who came up with this shit but the more time flies by and the older I get the worse my mental health becomes, and desperation increases.

Anyways will update you soon.

I haven't tasted/tried SN as of yet, but I once took a a dip of Tobacco and it made the room spin, turned me green (not really) and made me hurl. Based on my research of SN, I'm pretty sure the Tobacco scenario is worse, because you don't lose consciousness, you just hurl and have to tough it out for a while.The way I look at it is, if I can handle all the times in my life that I've been sick and blew chunks (in some instances all night)... I should be able to handle 5 minutes or so of spewing on SN. But I hate puking. There's two types of people, those who can puke and rally and those who cannot. I am on the extreme end of cannot. But with SN I actually think that's a good thing, because it's extremely difficult for me to puke stuff up, but I do wake up the dead when I puke.