back again as always

[iftheworldwasending]

hi all,

i wish i could say i'm happy to be back, and maybe there's a part of me that is and that's why i always end up here, but i do wish i had the privilege of being happy. i'm sick of hearing how happiness is a choice. it feels like my choice was taken away from me at a young age and thrown back in my face when i can't find it again even though it was taken against my will.
i find myself hovering over the confirmation screen of the SN i've purchased and thrown out twice now because i felt i could get better. sometimes it feels like i'm prolonging the inevitable. i do hope there comes a point in my life when i look at how far i've come and thank the universe that i didnt CTB when i wanted to, but i don't know that it's possible much anymore. i feel like i've had so many of those moments already and yet, here i am, back on SS.

i suppose some things never change, but i think i'll always hope that they will.
anyone else?
if anyone wants a friend, pls pm me. i could use some friends right now.

 

[chocolatebar]

i do wish i had the privilege of being happy

Isn't it one of the greatest privileges out there? And most people are unaware of it.

I feel too broken these days too and, perhaps, a new friend could help. Just sent you a pm.

 

[FuneralCry]

If anyone says that happiness is a choice, then they must be delusional. The truth is, that in this life so many people are disadvantaged through no fault of their own and they have no choice but to suffer. It certainly is a cruel and unfair existence. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

happiness is not a choice.

sorry to meet you under these circumstances

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you have fought so hard already to pull yourself out of this.

I agree with you- I don't think happiness is something you can achieve- if only you just try a little harder. I do believe to an extent that some people work hard to keep themselves in a positive frame of mind- and I do admire them for the effort they put in. Personally though, I think there is a fundamental difference between them and us- I think they still see the point in it all and they believe that things CAN actually get better. If you don't believe in either of those things, it's very hard to make a real change.

I'm so sorry you are suffering. I guess all we can do is empathise and comfort each other on here. All the best to you.