du2497
Member
- Mar 17, 2020
- 37
I don't know why I'm still here. By all accounts I should be gone by now. Ordered the wrong rope, can't afford N or SN. Was hospitalized 7 years ago for suicidal thoughts, moved back in with family, about to turn 30, still live with them. Can't make decent money to save my life and the cost of living around here is pretty high. I'm tired of getting constantly beat down, people talk about staying around for the sake of family, I'm not really sure anymore. Used to think about how it would destroy my mother and then ripple out to the rest of the family. Lately I'm just numb when I think about what effect it would have on them.
Even if I could make money and move out, I don't trust anyone whether for dating or making friends. Isolation has drilled into me that any woman I meet will cheat, and any friends I make will betray me. That's a wash anyway, I don't have the "proper" social skills, too scared to try. Any social situation results in overthinking every syllable I say, any slight movement I make, yet I have to make the first move etc etc. There's no winning here, socially or financially. I just want to get on the bus, I'm tired.
Even if I could make money and move out, I don't trust anyone whether for dating or making friends. Isolation has drilled into me that any woman I meet will cheat, and any friends I make will betray me. That's a wash anyway, I don't have the "proper" social skills, too scared to try. Any social situation results in overthinking every syllable I say, any slight movement I make, yet I have to make the first move etc etc. There's no winning here, socially or financially. I just want to get on the bus, I'm tired.
