Anyone relate?

[death137]

I don't know its common name or I'm not even sure if others suffer from it but the thing is I'm obsessed in touching or holding or seeing or thinking many things in a specific way I want. It started I think about 9 years ago but has gotten worse as years went by. For example when I use my phone I want to hold it like straight or other perfect angles and type letters by pressing in a satisfaction way like perfect way. If not then I get angry or sometimes might lose my mind. If I succeed then I still feel tired from the effort. Things that supposed to be enjoyable like playing games has become more tiring than fun. Sometimes when I play I stand and get very close to the tv and be like that for hours until my legs are going to be broken. I'm obsessed with numbers and want to do things in number I like or tolerate (numbers of year, month, day, minute, second) or avoid things in numbers I truly hate (32 for example). Its even affecting my suicide plan. I get jealous of ppl who aren't like this. Sometimes it takes me hours to do something that might takes only few minutes for other ppl. I try to tell myself don't be obsessed and be care free like others and life is short and pointless to deeply care like this. Sometimes I listen to my advice but I quickly return to my previous self. The magnitude of the problem also differ from time to time. There are many other things I'm having problem with but I can't describe them properly because I struggle with English. I'm afraid to tell ppl irl about this problem. I've talked little about it with few ppl some years ago but that was because they saw my weird behavior and asked me why I'm like that. I never told about this to ppl online until now.

It isn't the main reason why I plan to ctb but I feel very big relief when I think I won't have to deal with this when I die. Life is truly hell for me.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Sounds like OCD, man.

 

[death137]

Sounds like OCD, man.

Thanks for letting me know the name.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Sounds like OCD, man.

It really does sound like OCD.

Death137, have you spoke to anyone about it? A diagnosis may help if you're able to access treatment. Lots of posts on ocd here, i hope other members might offer some tips to help you reduce some of the behaviours, can some control for yourself.

 

[death137]

It really does sound like OCD.

Death137, have you spoke to anyone about it? A diagnosis may help if you're able to access treatment. Lots of posts on ocd here, i hope other members might offer some tips to help you reduce some of the behaviours, can some control for yourself.

I've spoken little about it with few ppl but its because they noticed my behavior and asked about it. I'm not comfortable talking about it. I plan to ctb soon so I don't think getting a diagnosis will help much. I've also zero self esteem to leave house and see a doctor. But thanks for the suggestion. But now I know what its called I can at least search about it and read other ppl stories and feel not alone.

 

[Good4Nothing]

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I have a bit of it myself.

 

[262653]

Why 32?

 

[death137]

Why 32?

Because of how it looks