Anyone feel orgasmic when thinking about killing yourself?

[FogFilledLife]

I do.

 

[batcountry]

I have autassassinophilia, which I know is super fucked up, but I'm just constantly fantasizing about someone murdering me along with the urge to ctb myself which is far more exciting than it should be. I guess years of obsessively thinking about sex and how much I wanted to die just finally made the two overlap in my mind or something. Thanks for posting this, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

 

[UnravelingWinter]

I feel so happy and excited when I think about my death. I just want permanent peace. I never want to hurt again.

 

[symphony]

Imaging my death is one of the few things that helps me get through painful moments. Knowing that soon enough I'll have my out is sometimes exactly the thing I need to push through.

 

[Of The Universe]

I have autassassinophilia, which I know is super fucked up, but I'm just constantly fantasizing about someone murdering me along with the urge to ctb myself which is far more exciting than it should be. I guess years of obsessively thinking about sex and how much I wanted to die just finally made the two overlap in my mind or something. Thanks for posting this, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Are u a chick?

 

[VoidDesirer22]

No because it is scarier than it is exciting

 

[motel rooms]

 

[Weebster]

Masochistic?

 

[Nyktalgia]

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night."

On one hand it makes me feel happy and excited because it means my suffering will end, but on the other hand it makes me feel sad, anxious and scared because it means I will end up hurting my family and friends, will never experience all the good things in life again, risk failing and getting a brain damage or being locked in a mental ward and because dying in general is scary because we are programmed to live and it's hard to even imagine what it's like to not exist.

 

[Rational man]

There was.a.story recently from Brazil where a young guy was fucking his girlfriend. During orgasm she sank her teeth into his neck and he died of internal haemorrhage. I think it was very unfortunate accident. Some people like being choked during sex which to me seems scary. Why harm the beloved ?.

 

[suicidesheep31]

I also do. I cannot explain it. And especially why. But, it happens at lot when I am in therapy.
That is weird.
When we talk about suicide and especially when the discussion does not come from me, and that I feel I can do it, I wanna do it.
And at the same time, I am freezing under the stress to talk about it. (my interpretation)
I feel my pupils dilated, my heart pounding stronger but not faster and my breath is kind of heavy and slow.
I guess this is adrenalin. However, I do not knoe why I feel that.
And something, I am the most ashamed of is that I have some discharge after.
Please don't judge. Overall, I don't like these moments and I really don't know why my body reacts like that.

If someone has some clues, he/she is welcome to share.

 

[Weebster]

There was.a.story recently from Brazil where a young guy was fucking his girlfriend. During orgasm she sank her teeth into his neck and he died of internal haemorrhage. I think it was very unfortunate accident. Some people like being choked during sex which to me seems scary. Why harm the beloved ?.

Brazil is full of psychopaths. Ever watch Liveleak?

 

[Rational man]

Brazil is full of psychopaths. Ever watch Liveleak?

No!

 

[Hell-On-Earth]

I get rushes of euphoria when I think about killing myself on days where I'm extremely suicidal.

 

[Mr2005]

This is where the accusations that SS are just a bunch of death fetishists come from

Brazil is full of psychopaths. Ever watch Liveleak?

You must be from Brazil

 

[Weebster]

This is where the accusations that SS are just a bunch of death fetishists come from

You must be from Brazil

I never said I watched them habitually or even enjoyed them. Take your assumptions some place else. Are you the guy who's life was "ruined" because of plastic surgery?

 

[Mr2005]

I never said I watched them habitually or even enjoyed them. Take your assumptions some place else. Are you the guy who's life was "ruined" because of plastic surgery?

That's me although it didn't exactly go like that.

 

[Foresight]

It's not orgasmic for me, it's more peaceful silence. I opened my sn package today to check. I saw my proper purity number and felt calmer than I have in a decade. My throat always gets tight though. I think that's SI kicking in.

 

[outrider567]

Not in the least

 

[lastdance]

I feel so happy and excited when I think about my death. I just want permanent peace. I never want to hurt again.

This is exactly how I feel put into words thank you

 

[thedaywillcome]

Relieved

 

[bigbeatmanifesto]

Not orgasmic but I did have this strange experience once. I had been to a trauma release class which involved physical movement (TRE) one afternoon and after I was finished I took a nap at home. I remember waking up, or at least being half awake and seeing this vision of myself lying dead on top of a garbage truck, strewn out on top of all the litter. The strangest thing was though, that it gave me such an overwhelming feeling of peace. I felt zero attachment to that dead body I could see even though it was clearly me. I felt this feeling of oneness like I was much bigger than just my body.

It's interesting because I've read much about and even dabbled in psychadelic drugs before and have had heard that 'dying' during a trip is one of the most liberating and peaceful experiences one can have.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

No. Not orgasmic. Thinking about it just makes me feel like I'll be free from the torture that is my existence.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Not really but maybe death itself will be like an orgasmic release. Isn't that why the French word for it literally translates to "the little death"?

 

[FogFilledLife]

Masochistic?

Sadistic and masochistic.

 

[Maravillosa]

Well! I wouldn't say exactly orgasmic, but it is an extremely pleasant thought. Fantasizing about my ctb and/or watching videos of people hanging themselves often excites me sexually, but I think my psych meds give me anorgasmia. I do think the moment of death will be orgasmic.

 

[akana]

I have autassassinophilia, which I know is super fucked up, but I'm just constantly fantasizing about someone murdering me along with the urge to ctb myself which is far more exciting than it should be. I guess years of obsessively thinking about sex and how much I wanted to die just finally made the two overlap in my mind or something. Thanks for posting this, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

I used to have the same when I was younger too!

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

I have autassassinophilia too and a hanging fetish.