Anyone else torn apart about suicide?

[LetMeGoPlease]

I am so unstable. I want to die but when I am faced with the actual process I just can't do it but my life is progressively falling apart and I am just stuck and turning in circles. It's hell. It's one thing to be suicidal and it's another to actually choose it as a real option.

 

[Last chance]

Yep,Im in a constant battle with myself at the moment. I want to be dead but I cant actually go through with it. Im hoping something happens soon that makes me do it impulsively.

 

[Celerity]

Yep, I imagine most go through this struggle unless suicidal ideation is a one-off thing and they follow through immediately with lethal means.

 

[bloomingdark]

SI is too strong at some points, it makes everything difficult, the desire of our own thoughts to be and reach freedom and our body's and minds fighting with this desire to just get us to live, even with the fact of us being miserable

 

[WornOutLife]

In spite of doing my best to live a normal life, suicide is 24/7 on my mind.

I wonder if I'll ever have the guts to go for it. I even dreamt of ctb by drowning last night lol.

 

[LetMeGoPlease]

Yep,Im in a constant battle with myself at the moment. I want to be dead but I cant actually go through with it. Im hoping something happens soon that makes me do it impulsively.

Yeah same, I have those thoughts when I drive.

 

[CatLove56]

I had a mental breakdown last week came close to hitting someone at work but luckily I just bottled it up for the house. Truly hellish. keep trying to get the painless methods this site recommends but it's hard.

Not a day goes by I don't think of ending it but I don't know how and my family would suffer for it so I just endure.

 

[DarkWolf]

I've failed 2 attempts. All I ever think about is dying, I even dream about it. I want to die but I don't want to have to kill myself. I wish someone would just be put me down.

 

[LetMeGoPlease]

SI is too strong at some points, it makes everything difficult, the desire of our own thoughts to be and reach freedom and our body's and minds fighting with this desire to just get us to live, even with the fact of us being miserable

It's not even hope anymore. For me it is the fear of my plan failing and so I hold onto dear life because of that. I also have anxiety over dying and I know I will be resisting internally when I will actually die. And then death doesn't feel like an option anymore. It's a horrific cycle.

In spite of doing my best to live a normal life, suicide is 24/7 on my mind.

I wonder if I'll ever have the guts to go for it. I even dreamt of ctb by drowning last night lol.

I dreamt once that I made a pact with my friends to meet them "on the other side". And then I bacame aware that I HAVE to kill myself and it made me feel so weak. I felt like I can't do it and when I woke up I was all panicked because I saw just how hard it will be to actually kill myself. So much that it didn't even feel like an option and I felt so trapped. That is why I know my way has to be a substance.

I had a mental breakdown last week came close to hitting someone at work but luckily I just bottled it up for the house. Truly hellish. keep trying to get the painless methods this site recommends but it's hard.

Not a day goes by I don't think of ending it but I don't know how and my family would suffer for it so I just endure.

I'm in the same boat, having break downs after break downs and I feel so sad for my family.

I've failed 2 attempts. All I ever think about is dying, I even dream about it. I want to die but I don't want to have to kill myself. I wish someone would just be put me down.

It's horrible to be so stuck.

 

[wanttodie]

I am so unstable. I want to die but when I am faced with the actual process I just can't do it but my life is progressively falling apart and I am just stuck and turning in circles. It's hell. It's one thing to be suicidal and it's another to actually choose it as a real option.

same for me

 

[Jblack]

It is a battle for me, sort of should I stay or should I go. Most of the time I barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone exit. Then when I have to energy to exit I feel like I should give it one more try. I feel like a dog chasing its' tail. For me it is an on going struggle without end.

 

[LetMeGoPlease]

It is a battle for me, sort of should I stay or should I go. Most of the time I barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone exit. Then when I have to energy to exit I feel like I should give it one more try. I feel like a dog chasing its' tail. For me it is an on going struggle without end.

I feel that in my bones

 

[BandAddict]

I've always felt like the idea of dying is easier once I'm pushed over the edge. When it's impulsive, I don't give a shit about anything at all other than making it stop. Now that I have a pretty secure method and am actively planning it all out, I have to think about a lot of things which makes it hell. I have to think about the consequences, my mom, my sibling, what actually happens after death... I fear both fucking it up and being successful.

 

[deadmalk]

This is my everyday struggle. I have lost the will to live life fully since I lost my youngest son to suicide two years ago this month. I feel so empty and sad 24/7. Counseling, therapy, support groups- while they mean well, they don't help. I love my family and I just want us all back together and I can't figure out how to do that. I don't want to live so I can be with my son, but I don't want to leave my family here on Earth either. I keep thinking that when I feel my family will be okay, I will go. My mind re-enacts that morning constantly in my head and I can't heal. I'm lost and confused.

 

[Umbreon]

Omg yessss countless times I have stood at the edge of that fucking table thinking I'm finally ready to jump just for my body to be totally frozen later.