Anyone else have ptsd from childhood abuse and always feel afraid and weak like you’re still a child?

[Kramer]

It's awful:(

Probably why jumping is even scarier for me. A little boy would be horrified at the idea.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

This 100%. The abuse my fucking mom put me through left me a hollow shell. Thanks to her and other horrible abuse I have faced from bullies, sexual abusers, etc, I feel there is no choice but to die. Therapy can only do so much but with death, the pain will go away for good

 

[Kramer]

This 100%. The abuse my fucking mom put me through left me a hollow shell. Thanks to her and other horrible abuse I have faced from bullies, sexual abusers, etc, I feel there is no choice but to die. Therapy can only do so much but with death, the pain will go away for good

I was doing a therapy for it called EMDR but it's bullshit. I'm too far gone. The damage is done. And people like us just attract more abusers.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I was doing a therapy for it called EMDR but it's bullshit. I'm too far gone. The damage is done. And people like us just attract more abusers.

sadly that is so true. I feel I will day any day now. When you are fucked beyond fucked, there is no hope left but to die

 

[Kramer]

sadly that is so true. I feel I will day any day now. When you are fucked beyond fucked, there is no hope left but to die

Me too. I have no distractions anymore. I'm alone in a room in a stranger's house day after day. I'm unable to work. I can't make friends or get into a relationship because I'm so fucked up. It's like I'm in hell.

I read a quote yesterday in a history book "Death greets me today as a remedy for sickness."

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Me too. I have no distractions anymore. I'm alone in a room in a stranger's house day after day. I'm unable to work. I can't make friends or get into a relationship because I'm so fucked up. It's like I'm in hell.

I read a quote yesterday in a history book "Death greets me today as a remedy for sickness."

That is dark. *hugs*

 

[Kramer]

That is dark. *hugs*

Which part? lol

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Which part? lol

Everything lol. Yet its relatable. However, do you also have weird bouts of hope? Sometimes I do but other times I wish I never had any hope at all

 

[itachi of death]

My trauma, messed up my social skills,I dont even want to communicate to anyone most days,my mind set is everyone's trying to screw you over,or I think their cheating or etc.i was robbed of the feeling of wanting to be alive.had to constantly watch my back,double check my items and see if theirs spit in my food,I just wanna die and be left alone.it sucks,and I never wanted or want it 5o get better,because happiness scares me more than anything ever will

 

[nerve]

I swing back and forth between small child and old woman. Either way, I'm mostly helpless and have to rely on others to get my needs met

 

[FatalSystemError591]

The start of my abuse and trauma.. honestly I say it starts when I was 6 but for what my dad said about my mom it started when I was born.

I've got a lot of trauma based mental illnesses and I too feel far too gone. Nothing works and the meds aren't helping. From family, friends, lovers, teachers, coworkers.. I've dealt with so much awfulness in my near 3 decades of being alive... it is hard to have hope things will get better when I've been through what I've already been through and no escape despite how hard I try.

I've got CPTSD as well as metric boatload of anxiety disorders, bipolar depression, autism, ADD, one or two dissociative disorders.. it's rough being locked in my head. I can't keep all my diagnoses and medications straight because I have so many.

I know this feeling well. And my mind is so fragmented from everything I ended up with alters, with one of them being a small boy. He wants nothing more to be loved, held, and taken care of... the three things I never got as a child.

I've accepted that at this point the only way I can escape is to cash in my free bus ticket voucher and head home.

 

[deleted]

Yes, I still can't trust people and I am afraid to create new things, I feel that everything I can do will be something horrible. Anyway, I'm going to be a fucked up patient for the rest of my life and I have to thank my parents for that

 

[Kramer]

Everything lol. Yet its relatable. However, do you also have weird bouts of hope? Sometimes I do but other times I wish I never had any hope at all

Yeah hope of meeting a woman, but I realize I'm only able to attract women because of how I look. My personality is timid and doesn't match my look at all and that's where women lose interest. Childhood abuse ruined so much for me. I wish I had died then.

My trauma, messed up my social skills,I dont even want to communicate to anyone most days,my mind set is everyone's trying to screw you over,or I think their cheating or etc.i was robbed of the feeling of wanting to be alive.had to constantly watch my back,double check my items and see if theirs spit in my food,I just wanna die and be left alone.it sucks,and I never wanted or want it 5o get better,because happiness scares me more than anything ever will

I'm paranoid too. Happiness could just be taken away. I avoided getting a gf as a teen because I thought a guy friend would try and take her from me. People are pretty awful.

 

[Kramer]

The start of my abuse and trauma.. honestly I say it starts when I was 6 but for what my dad said about my mom it started when I was born.

I've got a lot of trauma based mental illnesses and I too feel far too gone. Nothing works and the meds aren't helping. From family, friends, lovers, teachers, coworkers.. I've dealt with so much awfulness in my near 3 decades of being alive... it is hard to have hope things will get better when I've been through what I've already been through and no escape despite how hard I try.

I've got CPTSD as well as metric boatload of anxiety disorders, bipolar depression, autism, ADD, one or two dissociative disorders.. it's rough being locked in my head. I can't keep all my diagnoses and medications straight because I have so many.

I know this feeling well. And my mind is so fragmented from everything I ended up with alters, with one of them being a small boy. He wants nothing more to be loved, held, and taken care of... the three things I never got as a child.

I've accepted that at this point the only way I can escape is to cash in my free bus ticket voucher and head home.

You have more psych problems than me but we're very similar.

Yes, I still can't trust people and I am afraid to create new things, I feel that everything I can do will be something horrible. Anyway, I'm going to be a fucked up patient for the rest of my life and I have to thank my parents for that

Yeah I can't trust people either. I'm also unable to fully relax. Just constant tension day after day,

 

[muffin222]

Yes. My trauma happened at age 6 while my personality was still developing, so instead of the different aspects of my personality forming into cohesive whole, they broke apart into different "parts". I still have multiple child parts that are emotionally and mentally the same age as I was when the trauma occurred. These child parts carry different emotions, memories, and behaviors like fear, anger, etc. When these parts are dominating my personality, I act, behave, and react to things as if I'm still a helpless child again. It's tiring :(

 

[darkness falls]

Yes its an awful fucking feeling isn't it? I have leftover trauma from being bullied relentlessly as a kid and teen. I hate it. The worst part? Seek how well the bullies are doing now. Going on Facebook or hearing about their rock solid careers, marriages, and other milestones. I can't catch a fucking break. And it pisses me off to no end.

I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't help it. It's not my fault I was a shy, withdrawn kid or had a different sexuality than most. The fuck is any of that my fault? I was punished for it by a bunch of losers who ended up living happy, fulfilled lives while I still struggle as a forty year old man. Goddamn it.

Sorry for the whining.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Yes and its affected me so much.

 

[Kramer]

Yes. My trauma happened at age 6 while my personality was still developing, so instead of the different aspects of my personality forming into cohesive whole, they broke apart into different "parts". I still have multiple child parts that are emotionally and mentally the same age as I was when the trauma occurred. These child parts carry different emotions, memories, and behaviors like fear, anger, etc. When these parts are dominating my personality, I act, behave, and react to things as if I'm still a helpless child again. It's tiring :(

Yeah :(

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Yes its an awful fucking feeling isn't it? I have leftover trauma from being bullied relentlessly as a kid and teen. I hate it. The worst part? Seek how well the bullies are doing now. Going on Facebook or hearing about their rock solid careers, marriages, and other milestones. I can't catch a fucking break. And it pisses me off to no end.

I know I'm being unreasonable but I can't help it. It's not my fault I was a shy, withdrawn kid or had a different sexuality than most. The fuck is any of that my fault? I was punished for it by a bunch of losers who ended up living happy, fulfilled lives while I still struggle as a forty year old man. Goddamn it.

Sorry for the whining.

I hate this. When I see the very people who abused me not only get away with it but are living a good life. Money, friends, and getting to have a fucking smile while I want to die everyday. I really hope an afterlife exists where abusers get the punishment they deserve

 

[Kramer]

I hate this. When I see the very people who abused me not only get away with it but are living a good life. Money, friends, and getting to have a fucking smile while I want to die everyday. I really hope an afterlife exists where abusers get the punishment they deserve

What's your method?

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

What's your method?

For CTB? Jumping off a bridge into water

 

[Kramer]

For CTB? Jumping off a bridge into water

Me too. But I'm scared. Are you scared?

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Me too. But I'm scared. Are you scared?

I am

 

[TooConscious]

Not sure if my story is wanted as I wasn't horrifcally sexially abused but I was emotionally abused both intentionally and unintentionally by both parents my mother threw me down the stairs when I was 9 months because she was unfit to be a parent and couldn't cope. My father was always unhappy and took it out on me making me feel unworthy as a human as did my mum.
Because of this I didn't develop properly and have always felt like a child.

 

[Kramer]

I am

How will you overcome the fear? When do you plan to die?

 

[Myforevercharlie]

My trauma (abused by dad) stopped when I was 13. I'll never be 'an adult" in my head, but I learned a lot through therapy. EMDR does help, but not if you expect all just goes away. That's just not a possibility, maybe it can be done with hypnosis or Ayahuasca...

I'm 44 now, and decided long ago to fight. He doesn't deserve my death. I truly believe the universe gave him what he deserved ( he lost his arm in a woodchipper), and died last April, only 70 years old.

 

[Kramer]

My trauma (abused by dad) stopped when I was 13. I'll never be 'an adult" in my head, but I learned a lot through therapy. EMDR does help, but not if you expect all just goes away. That's just not a possibility, maybe it can be done with hypnosis or Ayahuasca...

I'm 44 now, and decided long ago to fight. He doesn't deserve my death. I truly believe the universe gave him what he deserved ( he lost his arm in a woodchipper), and died last April, only 70 years old.

What did Emdr do for you?

 

[Myforevercharlie]

What did Emdr do for you?

It stopped the horrible anxiety I got when thinking about a scene from that time. I can look at it now with a different view. EMDR won't heal you, but it can take away the "sharp edges"

 

[Kramer]

It stopped the horrible anxiety I got when thinking about a scene from that time. I can look at it now with a different view. EMDR won't heal you, but it can take away the "sharp edges"

My memories of abuse don't really bother me when I think about them. What bothers me is how those events shaped my life by giving me ptsd, ocd, paranoia, avoidant personality disorder.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

My memories of abuse don't really bother me when I think about them. What bothers me is how those events shaped my life by giving me ptsd, ocd, paranoia, avoidant personality disorder.

I get that. But it all started with the abuse. So my therapist wanted to start from there.