Anyone else have an emotional wall up towards others?

[scabs]

Hello! I've been having a lot of issues lately and was wondering if anyone else can relate. Im chronically lonely. I suffer a lot from existential loneliness. Most of the time I can't relate to other people, no matter how hard I try. There's no level of emotional intimacy I can reach with another person. It's like there's an invisible wall up between me and everyone else.

I've tried to open up to people about mundane things, serious things, funny things. I've tried telling people I appreciate them or value them. I feel like every time I try to face the invisible wall it gets built even higher. Is this relatable to anyone else?

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can relate. Im just not going to let you know I can relate. I need my distance.

 

[23421]

yes. i have an unquenchable desire to be seen, understood and to feel like i can relate to someone truly. there isn't a person like that, or i haven't met them yet. and every time i try to get to know people, i end up straying away because we are just too different. not to mention how im also trying to protect them from myself. there's a myriad of reasons why i isolate but that doesn't mean i desire connection any less.

i constantly wish i could make people feel the way i feel, and be able to feel the way they feel. language and even non verbal communication are all extremely flawed ways of conveying feelings. i want to open myself and let someone see me, and i want someone to do it for me too, yet its just not possible.

 

[StupidCat]

I used to feel this way. I still do actually, I know no matter how close they are to me they won't connect with me in a profound manner. I simply stopped caring about it some years ago.

 

[scabs]

I can relate. Im just not going to let you know I can relate. I need my distance.

I both need my distance yet I desperately want the comfort of being known
I

yes. i have an unquenchable desire to be seen, understood and to feel like i can relate to someone truly. there isn't a person like that, or i haven't met them yet. and every time i try to get to know people, i end up straying away because we are just too different. not to mention how im also trying to protect them from myself. there's a myriad of reasons why i isolate but that doesn't mean i desire connection any less.

i constantly wish i could make people feel the way i feel, and be able to feel the way they feel. language and even non verbal communication are all extremely flawed ways of conveying feelings. i want to open myself and let someone see me, and i want someone to do it for me too, yet its just not possible.

you get it. I never mean to isolate either I just get so exhausted with trying and failing.

I used to feel this way. I still do actually, I know no matter how close they are to me they won't connect with me in a profound manner. I simply stopped caring about it some years ago.

How did you get to the point where you stopped caring? I can't help but want the connection and I can't make it stop. It just all hurts.

 

[Griever]

I don't care about anything or anyone anymore and just want to be left alone. I think it's a form of self-protection so no one can hurt me anymore.

 

[beeptad]

Yeah I feel this. I'm terrified of opening up to people and don't even have the skills to. It's like an impossible barrier is there. Even around my closest friends there's still a huge wall.

 

[no-hope-no-future]

I have that. I want to spend time with people but cut myself off. If people hurt you enough you end up loosing trust in people and so the barrier gets worse. It's all my own doing really but the fact is people can be dangerous. The closer they are to you the more pain and suffering they can cause. I'm trying to make the pain stop not make it worse for my self.

 

[CatLvr]

Oddly enough, I don't want to spend any time with people. It is exhausting. And I am absolutely drained for days after. I find I relate to animals (maybe why I have a zoo here at my house lol) much MUCH better than humans.

I am finding that humans make me more suicidal. Animals do just the opposite. They calm my soul. And they love me more completely, unapologetically and unjudgementally than any human (except my son) has ever done.

 

[StupidCat]

How did you get to the point where you stopped caring? I can't help but want the connection and I can't make it stop. It just all hurts.

By recalling the times where my trust was broken which was plenty. By reasoning that no matter how hard I try I will never be understood because I'm simply different to most people and I can't change that. And also by focusing more on my immediate famiy, they might not understand me either but at least they love me unconditionally.