Venting Anyone else got fed up with being the therapist friend?

[MissWannaLive]

I honestly got so sick of that. Especially when you help every friend you have to only receive in your darkest moments "I don't know how to help you, sorry". And I would understand it if there was absolutely nothing to do but I crash out and open up once a blue moon. Even if I didn't know how to help my friends at least I reassured them and now I'm being just left with myself no matter if I ask for help directly or not. Even if I say exactly what I need in an episode I still get the responde that they don't know what to do. Anyone else got fed up and burned up from that role among your friends?

 

[Pale_Rider]

Im to messed up for a therapist freind. Even a real therapist better have a lot of training.

 

[dontwakemeup]

It's exhausting to be the one everyone calls and needs, I definitely understand. Unfortunately, when we need their help, they are left speechless! I think the problem is you probably don't complain a lot, you're always there for everyone when called upon and they view you as having everything put together. But you are human and of course your life won't be perfect and sometimes you need to hear words of encouragement also. You can try by stating how it makes you feel that they aren't available when you need them, suggest ways they can help when you do "crash out" and set boundaries! A boundary I set and keep is no calls after let's say 7pm. That's your time to clear your mind and do whatever makes you happy Sometimes our friends unknowingly keep us in this "fight or flight" mode. Some people you know when they call it's another crisis and you talk them through it, you follow-up and etc, but there is no calm phase. Let's not mention we have our own stressors in our life but we push them aside to make time for them, they never see that tho.

 

[Carrot]

My advice - communicate. Calmly. Clearly. Tell people what you think. Tell your friend that you are dissapointed or however you are feeling, what you expected, what you wished. Some people know how to behave in certain situations, others don't, others straight up don't care. Some people will be happy with a "I'm sure everything will will be alright" reply, others hate it. Preferably meet people and talk with them about difficult things (instead of talking online).

If you want to hang out with friends and not talk about difficult topics, tell them. "I would just like to relax and have fun, I have a lot on my mind, I'd prefer if we didn't discuss our problems, is that okay?". In addition to that, relationships don't need to be identical in both ways. Somebody might be comfortable listening to problems, but prefer not to talk about their own. Others don't want to hear about problems (for whatever reason), but feel the need to talk about their own - I know this can feel selfish. You can tell them that, politely, "I listen to your problems and try to help, I expected the same from you. Your reply seemed dismissive.'.

I should probably end this here before I ramble too much.

 

[milkteacrown]

I don't necessarily mind it. I enjoy working through others' problems and finding logical solutions for them when that's what they desire. I only find it irksome when there are people who ignore me only until they have an issue in need of fixing.

 

[MissWannaLive]

My advice - communicate. Calmly. Clearly. Tell people what you think. Tell your friend that you are dissapointed or however you are feeling, what you expected, what you wished. Some people know how to behave in certain situations, others don't, others straight up don't care. Some people will be happy with a "I'm sure everything will will be alright" reply, others hate it. Preferably meet people and talk with them about difficult things (instead of talking online).

If you want to hang out with friends and not talk about difficult topics, tell them. "I would just like to relax and have fun, I have a lot on my mind, I'd prefer if we didn't discuss our problems, is that okay?". In addition to that, relationships don't need to be identical in both ways. Somebody might be comfortable listening to problems, but prefer not to talk about their own. Others don't want to hear about problems (for whatever reason), but feel the need to talk about their own - I know this can feel selfish. You can tell them that, politely, "I listen to your problems and try to help, I expected the same from you. Your reply seemed dismissive.'.

I should probably end this here before I ramble too much.

Please do rumble more, it was originally a discussion post tho I changed it to vent in case ppl wanted to share their own experiences too! And I try to communicate but it often brings nothing back so unfortunately there is that.
But any discussion or rambling regarding the topic is welcomed, it helps me see through different perspectives when I'm low with my mental and trapped within my own thoughts. It helps a lot to got reminded of other perspectives and stuff.

 

[Rynalia]

GOD. I'm sick of being the go-to therapist friend.

It's pretty much to the point where people would straight up say: "Ryn's pretty fucked up, you can ask her about life advice or experiences and stuff. She's pretty well versed on these things."

So I'm like, wow, so you do know my life is utterly garbage but don't extend a hand when I'd like/need it? Shit, thanks I guess. Glad I know I can count on you!

I know I'm fucking phenomenal at masking and looking like I'm very much so holding it together... But with all the concerning things I can say sometimes, does that not raise red flags and make sirens go off?

I'd want some help sometimes too, you sorry excuses for friends!

 

[SVEN]

I get really drained when the few "friends" I have unload on me because, "I'm so empathetic and understanding". However, the payback is I get is being able to kid myself on that I have some value as a human being. I don't try to share with anyone irl, so they never let me down by not understanding.